Kerry fans, help me come up with a smart retort.

Great Debates
1

THE FUTURE OF TEXAS if Kerry wins the election -
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>Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. Please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.
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>We Texans love y’all, but we’ll have to take action if Kerry wins the presidency over Bush. We’ll miss you, too.
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>Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our own hands.
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>Here is our solution:
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>1. Let John Kerry become President of the United States, all 49 states.
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>2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.
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>So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?
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>1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.
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>2. Gasoline - We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.
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>3. Defense Industry - We have over 65% of it. The motto “Don’t Mess with Texas” will take on a whole new meaning.
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>4. Oil - We can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.
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>5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need, and it’s too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm.
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>6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.
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>7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers, and the top trauma units in the world, and other large health planning centers.
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>8. Education - We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, U. of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women’s University, St. Mary’s University, San Antonio College. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.
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>9. Laborers - We have a ready supply of workers. We just open the border when we need some more.
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>10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.
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>11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don’t have an army, but since everybody down here has at least 6 rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.
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>12. Food - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, several types of grain, fruit, vegetables, and let’s not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don’t need any food.
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>This names just a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn’t a thing out there that we need and don’t have.
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>Only one problem: we do have a passel of Bush haters. We will give them a choice of changing their minds or leaving the Republic of Texas. No true Texan will tolerate hatred of our Commander in Chief of the Republic!
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>Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:
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>Since you won’t have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9-mile-per- gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
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>You won’t have any TV since the space center in Houston will cut off your connection to space communications.
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>You won’t have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr… Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.
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>Have a nice day!
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> Signed,
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>The People in Texas
An idiot redneck posted this on another board and it rubs me the wrong way but I’m just not knowledgable enough to respond. What I had in mind was an individual responce to each number:

What WOULD happen if Bush ran Texas:

  1. Something he’s done bad/stupid with NASA

  2. and so on

  3. We HAD a great defence but now no one shows up.

Thanks

2

Oh no! Texas would leave the Union if Kerry won? :frowning:
Wait…we wouldn’t have to deal with Texas anymore AND the Dallas Cowboys would no longer be part of the NFL?

Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out! :smiley:

3

I’ll play.

>1. Let John Kerry become President of the United States, all 49 states.
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>2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.
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>So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

>1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.

Except, of course, for the lab work, the control work, the launching facilities and the landing facilities. But man you’ve got the market cornered on mid-level engineers and administration.

>2. Gasoline - We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

Knock yours out. We manufacture the cars.

>3. Defense Industry - We have over 65% of it. The motto “Don’t Mess with Texas” will take on a whole new meaning.

Yep. Sure do. Pity the actual military is outside there.

>4. Oil - We can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

That’s nice. Have fun eating it.

>5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need, and it’s too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm.

See above. Have fun breathing it. Or are you already FROM Houston?

>6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.

I’m sure it does. Have fun selling to no one. And take an econ course.

>7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers, and the top trauma units in the world, and other large health planning centers.

OK, I guess we’ll just get along with NIH, Cedar-Sinai, Mayo, etc.

>8. Education - We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, U. of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women’s University, St. Mary’s University, San Antonio College. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.

Meaningless.

>9. Laborers - We have a ready supply of workers. We just open the border when we need some more.

Yep. And have fun watching the concentration of spanish-only speakers climb. It’s be easier when YOU have to control half of the border yourself.

>10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

You do? I find myself shocked.

>11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don’t have an army, but since everybody down here has at least 6 rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

Right. I give the ‘army of Texas’ about 3 days against a truly trained armed force.

>12. Food - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, several types of grain, fruit, vegetables, and let’s not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don’t need any food.

Right…

The easiest predict to make if Texas seceded (a fact that I’m not willing to concede) is that Democrats would win the next 10 presidential elections in the remaining United States. Those 30+ electoral votes are a lynchpin of republican strategy. If they go away then goodbye republican party.

Beyond that I think your friend would be surprised at how much taxes in Texas would go up with Texas has to support a real military and real foreign policy. Much less pick up things like farmers subsidies and social security and such. Good luck.

4

If there were not a rule against “hate speech” on this board, I would suggest an “Assyrian solution” for Texas: Forcibly deport all its people, distribute them among the other 49 states (placing as many as possible in inner-city black neighborhoods), and recolonize Texas with randomly selected bipedal, non-gun-owning adults with three-digit IQs.

But I can’t, so I won’t. :wink:

5

If Texas promises to take Florida, too, I’ll sign the petition.

Anyone who thinks Texas can genuinely stand on its own has been spending too much time buying stupid postcards in kitschy gift shops.

6

These are great! but, um…er… I guess I should have mentioned that I am from Texas and if at all possible didn’t what to put down the whole state while taking this redneck out. But I will if I have to! So responces from non-Bush Texans espically appreatied, those that have had to deal with this whormonger personally and felt the effects of his policies. Keep 'em coming.

7

Well, Jon, I’d have to disagree with you on a few points. Texas does manufacture automobiles – GM has a plant in Arlington, TX that pumps out trucks and SUVs. Whether their output is sufficient to satisfy domestic (that is, Texan) demand, though, I don’t know. And as far as the military goes, Fort Hood is one of the largest army bases anywhere.

But in general the wingnut tract quoted in the OP is just stupid. For one thing, most of the electronics companies it mentions are based outside Texas. Intel, AMD, National Semiconductor? California. Motorola? Tha Yankee state of Illinois. Nortel? Yikes, they’re from Canada! And Alcatel? They’re – gasp! – FRENCH!

Also, in thinking about electronics manufacturing, one has to remember that Texas doesn’t hold any significant (or at all) copper deposits. Hel-lo, how are you going to wire all those things together? Most of the copper in the US lies in Arizona, and last I heard, John McCain considers Kerry a friend.

8

However, in Texas v White (1868) the Court held that individual states could not unilaterally secede from the Union and that the acts of the insurgent Texas legislature–even if ratified by a majority of Texans–were “absolutely null.” Even during the period of rebellion, however, the Court found that Texas continued to be a state.

Any state can secede from the Union, providing they follow the requirements to do so as outlined in the US Constitution.

9

This is tired. It’s an old joke that was written in good humor. “What would happen if Texas seceded from the union?” Some idiot went and tweaked it so that it’s a slam at John Kerry.

Turning it into a political ‘joke’ just makes it pointless.

10

IIRC, according to the treaty of annexation, Texas does not have the right to secede, but does have the right to subdivide, into as many as five states – and Congress would be required by the treaty to admit them all, and create eight new Senate seats. Interesting idea?

11

Im not looking to take this unimaginative joke seriously. I just want to reply to this poster with how badly Bush would screw up Texas, hypothetically of course, so that anyone reading their gobbaldy goop might actually come away with some information they can take to the polls, ya know? It’s just that this board that I otherwise enjoy has been spewing white trash crap like this for too long with no one informed enough to check them. I knew I could count on SDMB.

12

There aren’t many good counterarguments that a person like that would listen to as all the counterarguments revolve around dependence on the federal government for certain programs. How would Texas be any different than a developed country like Germany? They wouldn’t they would just import what they needed and survive on their own.

13

#8 - Education - Gee I guess the rest of the US will have to be happy with Harvard, Yale, MIT, CalTech, etc. If Texas education is so great, why did Texas good ole boy “Dubya” Bush go to Yale? A bastion of Yankee pride !!!

>11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard.
Thinking about “Dubya” Bush here. Isn’t attendance optional in those? heh heh heh

:smiley:

14

There have been many presidential elections where the home state of the losing candidate did not secede from the union. As a matter of fact, all of them. And Texas did secede once and where did it get them? As for the rest of the OP, well it’s kind of silly. Many states could be quite self sufficient economically as independent republics, that doesn’t make it a good idea.

15

From my experience, there’s not a whole lot you can say to this kind of stuff. If you try to argue with them, things will just go downhill even further (and yes there is plenty of room to go downhill from here). I’d choose another battle, personally. If you can’t, then just prepare for a redneck dogpile. (Those are much less painful on the internet than in real life, at least. :smiley: )

16

You might also want to mention that if Texas actually seceded, it might start hemorrhaging people. I can’t imagine the US wouldn’t accept any Texans who wanted to leave.

Then again, maybe you don’t want to mention that. He’d probably say “good riddance.” But still, you have to wonder exactly what the population loss would do to all the industries mentioned, even assuming that information were accurate.

17

Sorry, just had to register my amusement at these ones. Because no true patriot ever disagrees with the leader of his/her country, no matter what that pinko commie Roosevelt said. And the implication that because Sen. Kerry is worried about global warming, that somehow makes him responsible? …Have fun, Texas. It’s been real.

18

Because he couldn’t get into UT, of course.

19

And at Yale he had the legacy-admissions advantage. If his father had not been an alum . . .

20

Kerry supporter. Raised in Texas, been here since 1979.

Kerry polls something like 38% in the state. Not great, I know. But that includes much of the major metropolitan areas. Houston has had a Democratic mayor for quite a while now, and sends the perhaps the most liberal congressperson (Sheila Jackson Lee) to the House. There are certainly quite a few, populous bastions of liberal thinking down here. Add this to the number of moderate Republicans and others who would never go along with this and there isn’t a chance in hell of this happening. Even with a Kerry presidency. Think all of the military complex down here; I would think that most of them would actively go against this – just because Fort Hood is a large military base doesn’t mean that it is populated entirely by Texans – but beyond that, it is direct breach of the chain of command and possibly could be seen as treason, punishable by death. Think about the last few times this happened. Johnson didn’t run in 1968, when the state was overwhelmingly Democrat. A Republican was elected and nary an eye was blinked. Bush I was not reelected in 1992 and nothing happened. W has no more support than Johnson or Bush I, and he is certainly not a big enough iconoclast for Texas to stake its entire well-being on this one man.

I work in the #7 point of the OP – the world’s largest medical center in Houston, the TMC. We absolutely depend on NIH, NSF, and CDC funding, and without a federal government, we would be at a huge disadvantage. I know that this place would absolutely hemorrhage people. I would certainly be leaving the next day.

Saying that we have a grasp on the space industry is ludicrous as well. Yeah, I’m sure the tracking stations in Ghana and Spain would be only too happy to help us out. Yeah, I’m sure that the new Republic of Texas would continue to fun a manned space program at the JSC that is a giant money suck and has dubious scientific value. It will be boarded up and shipped en masse to Florida or California the day after Texas secedes.