While contemplating a bottle of Heinz catchup I noted the label read:
MOTHER’S LITTLE HELPER
In the past they have printed other witty comments such as:
GOES GREAT WITH FOOD
They are having a contest. Eight words or less. Any thoughts?
NOW WITH EXTRA RED
?
rarely makes you dead
Ketchup flavored
**Intentionally Left Blank
Dogs Love It!
nom nom nom nom nom**
makes hot dogs wimpy
(Almost) Technically a Serving of Vegetables
Pedantically Fruit-Flavored
A ketchup/catsup that won’t kill you!
We all float down here.
You want fries with this.
May contain traces of tomato
As seen on TV’s The Rockford Files. Probably.
Makes A Wet Fart Sound When Squeezed.
Put This On Your Mom’s Wedding Dress Now.
WARNING: Do Not Put Ketchup On Hot Dogs.
Heinz Ketchup: Enabling Unhealthy Eating Habits Since 1869.
Now contains fewer larvae!
Tomatoes for people who hate tomatoes.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
This is the best I could muster-d.
**Don’t sweat on my cakehole and tell me it’s cotton candy!
There’s more than one way to pimpslap a yule log.
It’s all fuzzy bunnies and ribeyes until someone tweaks a man boob.
**
Salsa has now passed ketchup as America’s favorite condiment. Isn’t that amazing? You know it’s bad when even our vegetables are starting to lose their jobs to Mexico.
this end up
Old thread on same topic. Some good 'uns in there! 
Heinz - the only acceptable brand.
Objects in bottle are closer than they appear.