Yes! That is a basic social skill. You don’t say bad things about someone that someone else cares about, especially when they are mourning losing them.
And if you didn’t care what tdn thought, why did you post in this thread at all? What are you accomplishing? Why do you think that thinking something is itself justification for saying it?
No, I propose you did care what tdn thought, and thought you were cheering him up by making it not seem like as big a deal as it was. The problem is, of course, that tdn, like most people I know, values people being taken at their word. To accept your conclusion, you have to say that not only was he mistaken, but that she was also flat out lying.
You didn’t realize the implications, and thus made a mistake, but don’t want to admit it, instead choosing to attack the position that people should be nice to one another.
Heck, I bet I insulted you by not believing you. I’m sorry thta has to happen, but at least I have a purpose: to fight social ignorance.
PS If the guy is trying to defend himself, that means he feels attacked. And decent people apologize for hurting people, or else it means you wanted to hurt them. Again, basic social skills.