<sickly sweet voice>
“Well, you know, that’s not the kind of thing I feel comfortable discussing here. Why don’t you come back to my place and we can talk about it over a steaming hot cup of shut-the-hell-up?”
</sickly sweet voice>
I feel for ya, tater! 
I hereby call upon the Power of the universe to visit a
painful case of grape-sized hemerroids on anyone who does
this to you again!
And I feel with you, the sadness of your situation. I
hope that somehow you fulfill your dream to have more,
and if not, that your love fills the world anyway for
those children who feel unwanted.
So there.
tater,
The VERY DAY you posted the OP, (and I was thinking about it a lot) I went to my husbands office to see him. He had a client/friend in there and what do you think he said to me?? You guessed it.
“So, when are you having a baby??” (they just had one)
I looked shocked and just said “I guess when storks really start delivering them”, and changed the subject. I couldn’t be rude, but Christ I wanted to.
So this one’s for him- FUCK YOU!!
Zette
Beautifully said! Like if you stay home with the kids you don’t have a meaningful life, but if you go to work you are shortchanging your kids.
I’m that and celibate for religious reasons. I’ve said that to some of my friends but I still get, “How was your weekend? Did you…have sex?” (no lie) “You weren’t home, were you getting busy with a boyfriend?” Or the whole,. oh, you can have a baby anyway. How’s that?
OK, is the word “celibate” somehow misleading? How about, “I’m not into that”. What will it take to get the message through?
I certainly agree and sympathize with the points so far but I also think people can be a little too forthcoming (not here, but in public) which may encourage people to then feel comfortable asking what they shouldn’t. I was irked by the episode of “Mad About You” when they decide to start trying. OK, fine, but then it becomes, “I think it’s OK to tell people we’re going to start trying.” I even got a Christmas letter from friends which I assume was going to a whole range of people, where the couple let us know they were going to start trying within the next year. Now, that only makes me start thinking about what’s been going on so far, etc.
I’m not even going to get started about the Christmas letter announcing the guy’s father-in-law’s bunions…
so I really don’t have anything to add to the conversation, but I just wanted to hug tatertot and say that I’m very sorry for your loss.
{{{{{tatertot}}}}}
And also to hug…
{{{{{everyone who’s lost a child}}}}}
Tater,
Oh, do I ever feel your pain. I was married for 6 1/2 years before the little one came along (5 months ago), which is very unusual in this family-oriented culture in which I live. I also had a miscarriage thrown in there, too. I got good at answering nosy children questions.
There are a lot of good suggestions for how to handle these questions in this thread, but here are a few more. If you feel like being sarcastic, try these:
Oaf: When are you going to have children?
Sarcastic answer #1: We do have them. We have five, but we keep them all locked in the basement.
[If your husband is there, even better, because he can tap your shoulder and say, quietly, “Only four, now. Remember, honey?”]
Sarcastic answer #2: We’ll go ahead and have some as soon as [husband’s] molestation charges are dismissed.
Sarcastic answer #3: [slap forehead] Children! Having children! THAT’S what we forgot to do!
[Of course I don’t advocate child molestation or abuse. However, I think that stupid questions deserve sarcastic answers. Shock value is the only thing that gets the point across to some.]
If you can’t be sarcastic–like if you’re in a professional setting–then the best response, IMO, is simple: “My, isn’t THAT a personal question!” Smile politely, and then either leave or change the subject. There is NO response to that one.
Dunno 'bout you, Tater, but I always felt more armed and secure when I had a few good answers ready…