Kirk Cameron's nipples

[Happy_Lendervedder]

@5-4-Fighting

Although the juxtposition of the names on the box suggests so, I’m not in fact sure Kirk is one of the actors featured on the cover.

No, I swear it’s him-- the guy on the right! It even looks like him. See? Plus he’s even doing everything he can to hide his nipples from the camera, what with having the other guy use his hand to obscure his left nip. “Suck a bone on flim? Sure! Show my nipples in public? Never!” It was just by pure luck that we catch a glimpse of the other areola.

This even explains his conversion to fundamentalism: he went through his cock hound phase and then straightened himself right up!

[Dante]

It would also explain his dirty banana love. Which is dirty.

[davidm]

Male nipples would be inconsistent with creationism!

[Liberal]

Now, now. What would men pierce if God hadn’t made male nipples?

…nevermind.

Anyway, Pravnik has given us hope. We may know soon.

[Sampiro]

Kirk Cameron’s nipples are an atheist’s worst nightmare: firm, pointy enough to respond to the tip of the tongue, an aureola that makes you wonder “which is bigger- that or this banana medallion”, the knowledge they’ve been that close to the loins that sired Robin Thicke, and that a brain stupid enough to believe that the fact a Crocoduck doesn’t exist can prove something can still circulate enough blood to keep the body that wears his nipples alive, all prove that there’s a Crocogod.

[Count_Blucher]

@Hung Mung

I almost forgot. No, Kirk Cameron does not have nipples. He’s never had 'em and never will. He is a robot constructed by ABC to be the perfect, parent-friendly, teenage sex-symbol. The Kirk model was far more successful than the Mk. II, Fred Savage, the failure of which brought an early end to the experiment.

The patent was sold years later to the bolder, racier WB network who would use it to create the moderately successful James van der Beek. The technology is now dormant, awaiting a new generation of mass-consuming, vapid pre-teens.

The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human - sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot…

Listen. And understand. That Kirk Cameron is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

[Mtgman]

@Liberal

I’m afraid not. The one on NakedMaleCelebrities.com won’t pass muster either. This is a bitch of a thing to try to Google.

Although all the false hits for Cameron Diaz’s nipples keep me from abandoning the search as fruitless. I may yet find something.

Enjoy,
Steven

Edited To Add: Gaaah! Jenna Bush nipples! In the same frame with her dad. I’m outta here.

[Liberal]

Good luck and Godspeed, noble Mtgman!

[Mangetout]

@Walloon

As of 2006, 55% of the U.S. public held a creationist view. While I disagree with them, I don’t call them “psychotic” for believing so.

55% of the US public are misguided. Kirk is partly responsible for the misguidance.
Innocently believing creationist arguments is not usually dishonest. Fabricating those arguments often is.

[Fiver]

@Mtgman

Edited To Add: Gaaah! Jenna Bush nipples!

Are her nipples misshapen in some way?

[Tuckerfan]

I just want to say that after reading the title of this thread, I want to go out and start a satanic death metal band called “Kirk Cameron’s Nipples”!

[Improv_Geek]

I just spent twenty minutes watching Kirk Cameron videos on YouTube but no luck so far. Why is this such a compelling question!?

– IG

[Liberal]

It’s the devil, isn’t it. I think part of it is that he went through teen idolhood for quite a long time. With countless magazine spreads, television episodes, and public appearances, it seems pretty amazing that, unlike practically all the others of his ilk, he never took off his shirt. It would be the equivalent of Pamela Anderson or Jessica Beale having been photographed only in long pants and trench coats.

[Least_Original_User_Name_Ever]

@Happy Lendervedder

Kirk Cameron’s nipple.
Lock 'er down, boys, this one’s been answered!

Um…why…were you looking at gay porn…for…

…

…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

[Count_Blucher]

@Fiver

Are her nipples misshapen in some way?

She’s blaming Al’Qaida for the sagging and is lobbying hard for a military surge…

There isn’t enough Viagra in Pfizer’s reserves to support those troops, the poor bastards…

[Least_Original_User_Name_Ever]

Yes, Kirk Cameron has nipples. I swung off them like a monkey once in 1981, for 15 minutes.

[panamajack]

Surely he had to take his shirt off some time when the Seavers went to Hawaii (but is it on camera?). Perhaps his nipples were Swept Away.

[Least_Original_User_Name_Ever]

Maybe they were filed down for those scenes. Maybe he wore pasties?

[CaerieD]

@panamajack

Surely he had to take his shirt off some time when the Seavers went to Hawaii (but is it on camera?). Perhaps his nipples were Swept Away.

Now that this has been mentioned, I’m trying to remember those episodes. Did he ever take his shirt off? My God. This is *haunting *me.

[Carnick]

@anamnesis

I didn’t call 55% of the U.S. public psychotic. I called Kirk Cameron psychotic. I also accused him of having no nipples … but since I’ve never seen his nipples, much like I’ve never seen God, I have no proof that any of them exists either way. Of course, Kirk Cameron’s nipples might very well exist, and I might even personally believe his nipples exist, but since the evidence isn’t there to prove it, really, how does my belief in him having nipples hold any water if we can’t actually see the nipples for ourselves? I hope this makes sense … the topic of nipples makes some people uncomfortable enough to want to change the subject.

You should consider joining up with The Way Of The Master ministry, Walloon. They love people who try to steer conversations with strawman arguments.

This is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever read. Can I please use it in a script I’m writing?