Lack of squirrel

One of the major UK potato crisp manufacturers, Walkers, has asked the Great British Public to come up with new flavours to add to their range. They have made the six most popular, as a limited edition range, and we now have to vote for the one we want to remain in the range.

The six are: Fish & Chips, Chilli & Chocolate, Crispy Duck & Hoisin, Onion Bhaji, Builders Breakfast and Cajun Squirrel.

Now, the squirrel really intrigues me; I’ve never tasted squirrel. Imagine my disapppointment when I tried them, and the taste was just that generic crisp flavour with a vague hint of cajun flavour. I checked the ingredients - and there’s no bloody squirrel in it! Not crushed, au tartare or roasted. No furry tail veloute. Nada. Zilch. Apart from feeling deprived by the lack of squirrel, I’m surprised it’s not against the trade description act or something to misleadingly dangle a squirrel in front of me.

I just felt that you all had to know.

It probably did taste like Cajun Squirrel. Once you put Cajun seasoning on anything, that’s pretty much all it’s going to taste like.

Squirrel tastes like rabbit, if that’s any help determining your vote on this issue of national importance.

One Potato Crisp Without So Much Squirrel in it Later


“Oh, Moan moan moan…”

I remember going to Marks and Spencer and seeing all the peculiar food. Seafood-flavoured chips, anyone? Squirrel-flavoured chips do not surprise me in the least.

Yes, but as I said, in the ingredients there’s no squirrel listed; not even squirrel flavouring. Not even listed as an anagram or palindrome. And I’ve tried reading the packet upside down: still no squirrel.

Chili and chocolate? WTF?!

At least that does have chilli and chocolate in it.

And BTW, when I said I read the packet upside down, I obviously meant that I held the packet upside down. I wasn’t standing on my head.


I’ll get back to you.

You know, the original of that (not the heavily-processed snack-food version) might be good. I’ve had spiced chocolate and it was intriguing.

Mmm. Chili and chocolate is a darn good taste. It’s classical. Aztec-y even. I think I even have some good recipies for chili with cocoa powder in 'em.

People won’t expect there to be squirrel in there. They’re bound to think it’s some form of mock squirrel.

Actually, I’m beginning to think that this might be something to do with the SLF*. I remember reading about them: they’re dedicated to removing squirrels from food. I don’t know if any of you can remember, but there used to be squirrel in, for example, Baked Alaska, but those bastards got it taken out. I can recognise their methods.

*Squirrel Liberation Front

Good god - be careful: don’t mock squirrels. The SLF will be after you. And they don’t mess about, if you get my meaning.

Blame the Isle of Man. They don’t have squirrels there anymore and so probably think they are special or something. Or maybe just cute. Either way they wouldn’t want them to be eaten.

I had Shake 'n Bake squirrel once. I was not particularly thrilled with the taste. I think I’dve preferred the Cajun had there been an option.

Try smearing some rancid rabbit fat on the chip to get the full effect.

I’d hate to see what “Builder’s Breakfast” is supposed to taste like…most real builder’s breakfasts these days are coffee out of a thermos and half a pack of cigs.

What the heck is “hoisin”?

It is a dark brown sauce that is used in Chinese dishes. Its kind of like caramalised soy sauce. Very tasty.

Are there builders in the Builders Breakfast crisps?

To be honest i thought it tasted exactly the same as the Cajun Squirrel…

No thank god. Can you imagine if you had builders’ bums popping out at you with every bite? Or constant whistles (if you are female that is). Horrendous.