Inkleberry , I am a longtime lurker here at SDMB and I had to register to throw my 2 cents in here.
I also had problems breastfeeding when my only child was born. It was a problem several women in my family shared. I also was told by doctors, nurses, and LLL people that baby and I just weren’t ‘trying hard enough’. Being the polite, dignified soul that I am , I ripped open my shirt to show my bruised and raw nipples and asked them just how the fuck much harder we needed to try. That pretty much ended that.
Once I made up my mind that I would not put myself or my baby through that frustration any longer and went to formula, we had some WONDERFUL bonding moments during feedings. (My favorites were the late night/ early morning ones with lights low and me and baby wrapped in a fuzzy blanket in our rocker.) My grrrrrrr factor was reduced to almost nonexistant.
My daughter even wound up having to come off formula completely in favor of cow’s milk at 8 months (after a reaction to her formula and absolute refusal by her to take ANY formula on the market). That was done with a doctor’s advice and approval. To sum it all up… I did EVERYTHING wrong in some people’s opinion and I STILL managed to raise a happy, healthy child with whom I share a wonderful close and open relationship. She is 14 now and comes home everyday sharing her experiences and things her friends have said and done.
Only you can decide what’s right for you. I truly admire women that can and do bf and wanted to be one of them. I’m not saying you should stop trying… that decision has to be entirely up to you and you alone. I just wanted to share that you CAN bond with your baby and have a healthy child raising them on formula.
As far as the mutant breasts… try having to convince those around you that your set of DD’s just simply don’t do what they were designed to do. No one wants to believe you. Apparently big boobs = lots of milk in some people’s eyes.
I just can’t for the life of me understand how people like the Breast Nazis think harrassing and berating someone because your body doesn’t work like theirs is SUPPORT. :dubious:
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide Inkleberry . Just give the ones that continue to harrass you a hearty FUCK OFF.
I cannot take Reglan. No way. Uh-uh. I already have had serious issues with depression in my history, especially early postpartum. Reglan’s biggest side effect is depression with suicidal ideation. :eek:
Meanwhile, that URL would be helpful, in case I don’t get a script for Canadian import. Before anyone thinks this is shady- in New Zealand it is legal and it is also legal to import 3 mos worth into the US. My email is in my profile.
First off, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am not a failure.”
You have tried to breastfeed. It isn’t working. You’re dealing with a newborn and your breasts are not cooperating. It happens. Why do you think they used to have wet nurses?
“I am not a failure.”
Get the formula and feed your baby. His health is paramount right now, not whether or not you’re feeling inadequate because your breasts can’t produce enough milk. You’re not inadequate. You have a legitimate medical condition and you can’t feed your son on your own. It happens.
“I am not a failure.”
Stop going to LLL if they’re not providing the support you need. Buck up. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother if you can’t breastfeed. You tried. Your breasts said no. It happens.
“I am not a failure.”
Relax. You are a good mother. This is not the end of the world.
inkleberry, I just wanted to send my sympathy your way and agree with the others here who are urging you to do what is best for you and your baby and not feel guilty in the least. I still breastfeed my 7 month old but we had feeding issues of our own and I know what it is like to cry every day and worry about how / what your baby will eat. I felt like a failure because something that was so easy for other people wasn’t working for me. I also know how annoying and rage-inducing it is to get ‘advice’ from people who think they know your situation better than you do. Believe me, there are people out there who will criticize no matter what you do. People have strong opinions about breastfeeding and unfortunately they tend to project their experiences on to everyone else’s.
Trust your instincts. I know it is hard to let go of an idea you had in your mind about how it would be to feed your baby, but if it is causing you stress and keeping you from enjoying your baby, then do not hesitate to formula feed. I read up on breastfeeding and when I started supplementing I was sure I was practically dooming him to sickness and ear infections and everything horrible. He could not have cared less. He still loves me and loves to eat and your baby will too. It is not worth heartache over this, believe me. Breastfeeding is wonderful but having a happy baby and a happy mother is more wonderful. And keep reminding yourself, “this will pass.”
I know the trials you have gone through already with your baby and you deserve some peace!
I am a member of LLL and a strong advocate of breastfeeding, but wow. Now I really, truly understand how normal, sane Christians feel when Jerry Falwell goes on TV and says something asinine. Thanks for giving me a gut-level lesson in not labelling an entire community based on the most noticeable (read: obnoxious) members.
I’m both incensed and flabbergasted that so-called breastfeeding advocates are nagging and insulting you. What would they have you do, let the kid starve?
At the same time, I’m still angry at the culture in America that led to this kind of backlash. I do have a feeling that some people get strident because they get so frustrated by the “it’s all the same” attitude, ignorant doctors, and so forth. But that’s no excuse whatsoever for the treatment you’ve received.
While I am adamant that women must be informed about the facts on breastfeeding versus formula, in the end I consider it to be an intensely personal decision, and physical capability is not the only “legitimate” reason not to breastfeed. I came very close to deciding to stop, even though my child was perfectly healthy, and I felt awful about the prospect. Thank goodness, when I went to my midwives (expecting a guilt trip), they said, “what you have given her up till now has already helped so much,” and basically gave me “permission” to stop. I hope you encounter more people like that as this progresses.
Clearly you need no further advice on supply issues, inkleberry. I do want to remind you that you can still nurse your baby even if 99% of his nutrition comes from formula, though. If you both like the closeness and comfort of it, go for it, and don’t stress over the amount of milk. The breast still offers a lot of emotional benefits to my 19-month-old, even though she doesn’t subsist on the milk anymore.
I’m emailing you the URL. Although I’m no longer taking domperidone, I’ve ordered from this company twice with no problem. If, for some reason there is a US customs issue, you might remind the officials that it’s perfectly legal to posses this and other drugs for your personal pets, and your poor little kitty cat has had horrible reflux issues lately…
Also totally legal for my own consumption, as long as I have a 3 month or less supply.
Meanwhile, though, my OB has decided to give me a script.
I am trying to decide whether to have it compounded at the local pharmacy ($60/2 week supply) or get it from Canda (significantly less). Local pharmacy= meds tomorrow. Canada= So much cheaper. But then, I still worry about rat poison, even when using a known reliable Canadian pharmacy.
If breastfeeding was so damn easy, why does the term “wetnurse” exist? Isn’t that mentioned in the Bible somewhere? Is there a language on Earth that doesn’t have the term?
Inkleberry, you are not the first nor will you be the last.
Your child’s health is the most important thing here. Thank Og we at least have a formula option! There was a time in history when women didn’t. If you ask me, a mother who supplements or uses formula instead of letting her child be underfed to please some asshat boobnazis is a far better human being than said boobnazi asshats.
Supplement with formula, or go to formula entirely if you have to and don’t fret. You tried. That’s all anyone can ask. I mean, sure, it would be great if your doctor could find something to help you out, but if not stop stressing yourself out. Your health is important, too.
I was sitting here thinking roughly the same thing. It’s like an essay on “Damned if you Do; Damned if you Don’t”
FTR, I breastfed all three of my boys, and received such pearls of wisdom as:
“That’s a hideous thing to do. I’m glad my mom didn’t make me sit around and suck on her boob.”
“Oh, how hopelessly backward! Come on up to the 20th century!”
“Your baby will starve if you only give him breast milk” (said by someone pushing me to feed rice cereal mixed with formula at 6 weeks)
“How can you stand being tied to your baby like that?”
“What are you? A hippy?”
“I could never do that. It’s just gross.” (my 20-something year old co-worker)
My MIL, an actual RN, pressured me constantly to start solid food when my youngest was less than two months old. I finally printed out all the info from the American Pediatric Association on breastfeeding, highlighted the pertinent passages on duration and scope of diets for infants, and mailed it to her.
In short, you can do everything your child needs (be it bf or not), and provide the best possible home and environment, but some asshat(s) will come along to tear you down because you’re not doing it to their liking.
Screw 'em. Screw 'em with the rough side of Mr. Pinchy in their smallest possible orifice. With Desitin as lube. Asshat fuckers.
Yay! I’m so glad she finally got back to you! And I’m glad you found a local compounding pharmacy that will fill it for you–our local one informed me they were prohibited by the FDA from making domperidone now
If it works for you, that’s great. If not, like FaerieBeth said, screw them boobyjuicenazi asshats with the ouchy end of Mr. Pinchy 'til they cry
Well, to be completely fair, a wetnurse is/was most commonly employed only by the wealthy, historically so the missus could get on with babymaking within weeks of delivering her last child.
“Infant mortality” is a phrase which is more closely linked to the troubles many, many women have historically had breastfeeding.
I just had to jump in here. My own experience was that the local LLL folks were very helpful. The hospital’s lactation consultant was worse than useless. One of my best friends is a Lactoterrorist, but I pretty much laughed off her advice (like pumping so that I could add breasmilk to my toddler’s cereal. I mean it’s formula, not plutoneum).
My advice to you is: Stop taking advice! Pay attention to your child. Trust your own inner voice. It’s obvious you have the best interests of your child at heart. Trust that. Put all the “he should be…” thoughts out of your head.
As long as you are making some milk, you can tinker with all the breastmilk/formula combinations you want. No matter what works for you this week, in a month it will probably be different. It may be that your milk production will increase and you’ll be a happy nursing couple. It may be that your baby indicates a clear preference for the bottle. Till then, don’t think in absolute terms. There’s no law that says a baby can’t get both breast and bottle.
Before you know it, your baby will be getting milk by opening the fridge and drinking it straight out of the carton.
So calm down, take a deep breath, have at least one of those beers, and enjoy the insanity that is having a newborn.
You know what is wrong but fun? Posting a pic of my 3 month old kid holding a frozen waffle to a breastfeeding group and watching them foam. I swear, one of them suggested burning me at the stake.
Pointing out that a frozen waffle (while he is being carefully watched) is safer for teething than a PVC teething ring with phalates escapes them. The idea that a disposeable frozen waffle is more sanitary than a reuseable ring that can’t be sterilized also escapes them.
They really lose it though when they discover he tasted banannas once. Dear god, not a lick of a mashed bananna! On top of formula! Won’t someone think of the children!
But YES! Someone else who found their local LLL to be BoobNazi’s. HATE mine. (To give credit, I last spoke to them six years ago - many of the members have turned over by now - even the ones that were babies would have weaned…yesterday or something).
The horrible thing is that I can’ recommend ANYONE speak to their LLL after my experience. I think what they WANT to do is fantastic. And what they DO (in some chapters) is horrible.
BTW, my oldest is adopted. I am unaware of him ever getting breastmilk. He is a very healthy happy and smart six year old now. If breastfeeding is working for you, great! If you can be a better mom without all this stress, everyone will be happier and healthier in the long run.
I understand your motivation for taunting what you perceive as lactoterrorists (thanks Long Time First Time, great term!), but there are two things wrong with this statement.
First, choking is a very real, immediate, and serious risk, while phthalates in teething toys might pose some unverified possible risk of hormone disruption. And from what I’ve read, the risk of triggering an allergy with the eggs or dairy in the waffle would also be higher than suspected phthalate danger.
Second, even if your statement is true, it’s irrelevant, since there are now many sources for phthalate-free teethers and toys, including Sassy, Kids II, and The First Years. (See here.)
But burning at the stake? What planet are these people on?
Once of my relatives has a son who’s 3 months older than my twins. She’s been a dedicated breastfeeder and LLL member all along (but not judgemental towards me). I gave my twins breast milk several times during their first two weeks, and have used formula exclusively ever since.
My 13-month-old kids are bigger and healthier than her 16-month-old son. She’s been ordered by her Dr. to lay off the breast milk & get the kid eating more solids. He’s seriously underweight & quite small. Mine are in the upper percentiles for height and average weight. People assume that my kids were breastfed. They’ve only been really sick twice and both times they got the bug from other kids.
My theory is that the manner of feeding is as important as what’s being fed. I’ve bottle-fed my twins on demand, not according to a feeding schedule, ever since they got out of the hospital. Some days that meant I dirtied up 15 bottles/kid trying to guess why they were crying. I also cuddled them during feedings, rather than relying on bottle holders.
Please don’t stress yourself, nor allow others to stress you. Boobnazis need to stop.
I BF my oldest for 9 months with no problems at all. So when my youngest was born, I thought “hey, no probolem, I’m a pro at this.”
Nope. I made almost no milk the second time around. We didn’t realize why the poor kid was starving all the time until I pumped into a container with measurements on it. 4 oz per boob after 30 minutes!
I have a wonderful OB/GYN who assured me that every pregnancy was different and not to worry about it.
So, final score is 1 BF, 1 Similac (because you can get it at Costco!)- both healthy, happy, smart, wonderful kids.
Pardon for the total hijack, but what is he is he going to give you that is domperidone (ie - what will the script say)? I didn’t realise this drug was available in the states. I take it for completely non-breast feeding reasons and have to send away to Canada for it.
fessie - I’m pretty sure breastfed kids tend to be smaller than bottle fed. They’d certainly be smaller than on-demand bottle fed. That’s just FWIW, but I wouldn’t assume larger = healthier as long as all the kids in question are within the standard curves.
I’m familiar with compounding pharmacies in the veterinary arena, but I’d wager human medicine isn’t much different.
Just so you know, it is against the law for a U.S. compounding pharmacy to sell a drug that is not available in the U.S. If your physician prescribed domperadone for you (which works great to get mares with fescue toxicity to lactate, btw) and then you had some sort of complication and sued him - he would not be covered by his malpractice coverer. Because he would not have committed malpractice, he would have committed a crime.
, I ripped open my shirt to show my bruised and raw nipples and asked them just how the fuck much harder we needed to try. That pretty much ended that.
