There’s this woman I really like. She’s a waitress. I don’t know her very well on a personal level, and know very little about her in the general sense. We have been acquainted for at least a year. She is always friendly to me and I always request the hostess to seat me at her serving area. I have always wanted to ask her out so I could get know more about her but…
About 2 months ago, I noticed a ring that I hadn’t noticed before. (and I had been attentive for that kind of thing) I think it’s either an engagement ring, or a wedding ring. I’m not sure how to tell those two apart, nor how to tell any “I’m taken” ring from just knick-knack jewelry.
Help? What I can tell you about the ring is that it has 5 clear stones in a row, and they appear to have an acending pattern, each stone is a wee bit larger than the preceding. It is on the left ring finger. I’m not sure about the band color.
Sure, I could politely ask her if she’s married, but I’d feel like a total ass and embarrassed to death if she is.
I would play like it just caught my attention - maybe the next time she reaches to set down a plate or clear dishes. I’d ask in a friendly tone: “hey is that new, I never noticed it before”.
Also, you are in a good spot to show more-than-passing interest: always leave at least 25-35% tip if you can afford it.
I have to ask you; have you seen Adaptation? 'Cause there’s this scene…well, you just have to see it.
I have a rule–[thread=312981]Rule #14[/thread]–about asking out (or I guess the current vernacular is “hitting on”, which always skeeves me out) waitresses and other helpstaff. In general, this hasn’t worked out for me and seems to be uncomfortable for all involved parties, the exception being when the waitron herself initiates the encounter. (But then, I suck at recognizing genuine flirtation, so in general, it just doesn’t work.) Do as you like, naturally, but be aware of the consequences. :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
As for the ring; a band with a diamond on the ring finger of the left hand is generally an engagement ring; a plain band by itself or with the afformentioned e-ring is a wedding band. Some of the girlies wear this “Irish friendship ring”, which means one thing if it’s worn one direction, something else if it’s worn the other way, but I’ll be damned if I can remember or care what its all about; doubtless someone else can fill you in on that business. Be aware, too, that some waitresses wear a ring not because they’re married but to keep from being hit on or having a graceful excuse to decline.
The most tactful thing might be to comment on the ring itself, i.e. “I noticed you started wearing a ring. Did you just get engaged?” or somesuch, if that isn’t too personal a level of chit-chat. Where you go from there is beyond my meager and generally unsuccessful social abilities, but g’luck to you however you go.
I checked out your “Rule #14” thread, and it’s just that reason, that I haven’t tried to ask her out.
What I would like to know is: Why did it become “taboo” to ask out “the help” and how did this happen? My father met my mother this way. She was a waitress and he was a customer. However, that was back in the 60’s, and AFAIK, it was acceptable, back then, to attempt to date people this way.
You can’t tell a thing about marital/availability status by the ring’s appearance - what color/kind of metal (or other material, for that matter), presence or absence of any particular stones, etc. Any ring worn on the ring finger of the left hand in Western culture is meant to signify one thing: “unavailable.” Doesn’t mean all ring-wearers are aware of the significance. Just means that’s the understood convention.
Beware the friendliness - she is a waitress, and she wants your business. You are a familiar face that may tip well, and she wants you to continue returning. Are you sure her being friendly with you is anything more than just that?
A ring, on the left hand, on the left finger, with diamonds in it, may symbolise an engagement ring or even a promise ring. However, many women will wear rings just because, there’s no rule that says you can’t wear rings on any damn finger you feel like. However, it is still pretty common to assume (usually correctly) that it means the woman is taken. And** Stranger**, you’re thinking of a claddaugh. Thrilling, huh?
Just ask her. You say she’s friendly with you - friendly chit chat could go along the lines of, “Hey, is that a new ring?” She may offer more information at that time, or she may not. If she mentions that she’s engaged, you don’t have to look like a fool - just say, “Well, congratulations! That’s great news!” If she’s engaged, she’d probably be thrilled to have the world sharing her joy, and she won’t think anything of it, if you don’t make anything of it. Ie: Acting sad or disappointed might, might just come across as a little creepy - especially since you’d put her in an awkward position.
Even if she’s not engaged - some women will purposely wear a ring on that finger to signal that they are not interested in anyone right now.
I wish you luck, but be prepared - she’s probably not looking for dates at this time. But it never hurts to just ask her about the ring. Many people enjoy getting a chance to show off their new piece of jewellery to someone who acts interested, and you’ll likely get an answer of some sort.
A waitress is sort of a captive audience. She can’t just leave if someone is creeping her out. That’s why it’s taboo to go there. She has to always be there. She doesn’t show up because you might also.
Generally, if it’s time to ask anyone out, you’ll know. You will have spent time exchanging thoughts, interests, opinions, interspersed with flirting. You’ll sense that both of you would like to spend more time together. If you have doubts, there’s probably not really anything there.
Upon reviewing the replies here, as well as having consulted friends, the consensus is: “Don’t go there.”
I am going to heed that advice.
It’s unfortunate this is way it must be, but as the saying goes: “Better to be safe than sorry.”
At least, I can continue to enjoy having a quality and friendly server.
Note: This especially important to maintain, after having read the recent, “How can I tell if there are bodily fluids in my food?” thread in GQ. Unfortunately, I am not able to access that thread, to provide a link, because I am only a guest. It has gone past page 4. Someone else may link to it, if they feel so inclined.
