Quickly, guy checking in. I’m 29, have had about 8 sexual partners (two of them accounting for six years), and in every single case, oral sex came well before vaginal sex. Personally, I’ve always thought of oral sex as a fairly casual thing. I can see how others see the other way, but I’ve yet to meet a woman or man who saves it until after regularly sleeping with someone.
As for anal vs. bondage, I find anal somehow more intimate and taboo than tying someone up. The whole handcuffs and ropes thing has somehow gotten pretty standard…or maybe I just meet more interesting girls. I’ve only done anal with one girl, on her insistance…bondage, many times.
Female, quickly nearing 46 years old here. I “save” bj’s for the very very special guys, the ones I’m very seriously involved with within a monogamous loving relationship.
I don’t believe in handing out ANY sort of sex “indiscriminately” but if I were to have a quick fling, I’d be more likely for it to be just sex, no oral, and NO special treats (where’s the evil sexy grin smilie?)
I absolutely adore going down. BUT, on the man I love only. It’s not a “oh, I like this one well enough to marry so I HAVE to do it to get the ring”. It’s hard to explain. It’s more of an internal ding (musical note floating) at which you feel comfortable enough with, and close enough to this one person to be that intimate. But then as I said, I don’t tend to view regular sex casually either.
I think it was a valid observation/question on your part. Upbringing and generation do have a bearing on a person’s view regarding sex.
Though I don’t think that women withhold sex so much because of viewing their vaginas as “holiest of holy” as they withhold it because they don’t want the “hit and run” of a player. So those that are looking for something more serious tend to hold out hoping for a connection of the heart as well as of the physical.
That’s why I said “I think” and “most” women, old chick!
Yikes, I totally didn’t mean to imply that! (As an aside, I find the idea of anyone doing anything just to “get the ring” abhorrent.) What I mean is that if a woman doesn’t particulary enjoy giving blowjobs, she will give them to someone she’s serious about anyway because she knows HE enjoys them. As I said, like a gift of sorts (e.g., there are things I don’t like to do with my Mom but I’ll do them every now and then because I know it will make her happy, and she’s my Mom). It just definitely would never be casual with her.
When I wrote the “I have the guy, so thank og I don’t have to do that anymore” thing, I didn’t have in mind that it was deliberate. More like how sometimes men stop giving women flowers after they’re married, etc. For those people, the blowjobs and flowers are just part of courtship, not any Machiavellian plan whose sole point is to get hitched. I’m not saying it’s right, just another way of thinking about stuff like that.
Anway, I certainly did not mean to imply that every woman who considers blowjobs to be “special” doesn’t like giving them, nor that many (if any) women would use them as a way to get a ring. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Not any harder than it is for me to explain what I’m trying to say. We’re in similar boats.
The woman who was my best friend for 16 years couldn’t ever have “casual” sex, either. It was a topic of conversation for us many times, me trying to understand how she couldn’t and her trying to understand how I could.
I know you’d stopped replying to me at this point, but I’d just like to throw this in: these days I’m less likely to have a one-nighter because I don’t want the “he’s bad at this” of a player.
