Why not try checking out to see if she has a MySpace / Facebook account? Then you could drop her a note that way…
Whatever happened to romance? Why are people so down on simple gestures like “I WUD LIK TO SEE U AGAIN” carved into a sheep’s heart and nailed to her mailbox in the middle of the night? It’s all emails and text messages with these damn kids.
Short, light note. No flowers because you don’t have relationship with her, and you do have a history of moving in on her. Show her you can restrain yourself.
Uhmmm…Mike?
You left out some pertinent information. How long has it been since the last time you saw her? What was the very short conversation you just had with her like? Was it stilted and awkward or did she really seem pleased to see you and regretful that she had to leave?
I run into old schoolmates all the time. I just saw one guy that I knew had a crush on me in high school (we’re in our 30’s now) and I know he was on the verge of asking me for my phone number when I said I had to go. I hugged him when we greeted and again when we parted a couple minutes later. It was nice to see him and he is an attractive and nice guy, but it would be weird if he went through a huge amount of trouble to find my contact information.
Yeah, that’s where the creepiness for me comes in - if you’ve had to go to a lot of effort to find contact details, and then send a casual breezy note… there’s an intensity in that that would creep me out. I vote for asking her to catch up next time you see her, or using channels like Facebook. Especially since you have a history of you like her, she doesn’t feel the same and rejects you cold.
You did the correct thing-you let her drift away.
This father needs his video was a lame story, that was meant to be seen through. Hugs don’t mean anything. Just yesterday I hugged a girl that I was friends with, and hadn’t seen in 16 years, and she doesn’t want me to write her a note. She didn’t want to catch up on the 16 years thing at some later date…it took us about 5 minutes and all that was needed to be said, was said.
If your friend had wanted contact, she would have suggested it. Or, she would have waited for you to suggest it, father waiting or not. Ask yourself this question: would you have stayed to talk with her, or would you have discontinued the conversation if your mother was waiting for a video?
She brushed you off this time, too, so don’t do something that you will kick yourself for later.
She may not think a note, etc… creepy, but she will at least think that you are some kind of dork. Forget her.
(I’m a guy)
Um… so fucking what if she thinks it’s creepy? You’ll never see her again if she does, and if she doesn’t, she’ll call.
Definitely try to get her number, or try to find her on Myspace or whatever first. I do this all the time with old friends/flames and none of them found it creepy enough not to find a way to return my feelers.
If you can’t get a hold of her that way, send her a note. Ask to do coffee or something during the daytime. Definitely the least creepy option in my first-date bag of tricks.
Well the good news (for now) is my best friend was up from MD this weekend. I was able to catch up with him, and I asked if he remembered xxxx’s number. He came up with what he could remember and it I put it into Google it comes up with a last name that is spelled slightly different than her’s and a map link. When I click on the link it brings up an area where her house was.
I’ll be buying a little card and sending it on Tuesday
So, she was pleasant to you for a few minutes, then left without asking for or giving you contact details.
You have several friends involved in tracking her down. Going through old phone books, doing a Google search on a partial phone number.
As a woman, I’ve found similar behaviour to be creepy. If I want more contact I’ll ask for your number, give you mine or say “Gee, I wish I had more time to catch up, how 'bout coffee sometime.”
Maybe she won’t find it creepy, maybe she *wants *you to jump through hoops finding out where she lives. Would you want to go out with her if that was true?
Best of luck.
Men will jump through almost any hoop to jump through your hoop, as it were.
This is what always confused me when I was a single guy. So we’ve been going out for three weeks and I buy you a dozen roses.
Well, you really didn’t like me and were ready to break it off, so my behavior is now creepy.
But if you liked me then my behavior wouldn’t be creepy.
The same action, only dependent upon your feelings, determine whether MY action is creepy or not. It’s almost like you want to bury another knife in the back because I bought you flowers, only because YOU didn’t like me. Anywho…
Back to the OP; it sounds like she was glad to see you after all of these years, but the whole “My dad is waiting for a video” wouldn’t be a reason for me to leave. I would tell Dad that he could jolly well wait for his fucking video because I ran into old so-and-so and really hit it off. But women do some crazy things, and I agree that if you don’t do something, then you don’t go out with her.
Take a chance and see where it goes.
Everyone is calling bullshit on her wanting to get the video to her dad, and I really need to say that between you (you being anyone that I liked or not) and my dad in his last few years, you’d lose. There were many times I would run an errand for something for my dad and run into people that I would have loved chatting with longer, but knew my dad expected the item within a certain time frame and would worry about me if I didn’t show in that frame. I don’t think she was necessarily using it as an excuse, and I reiterate my opinion that a guy who goes through the trouble of snail-mailing me a handwritten note is going to fair way lower on my creep-meter than someone who calls me out of the blue. Look me up on Myspace or Facebook? Meh, not impressed.
Nobody is asking you choose between him and your Dad. The choice is between a “very few times in a lifetime” moment where you see an old friend/possibly more that you are interested in versus Dad having to wait 20 minutes to a half an hour for his movie rental.
If your Dad would worry, then whip out the old cell phone and call him and tell him that you ran into so and so and you will be a bit late. I certainly would do that, and my Dad would ask for no less.
Now, if I thought it was nice to see this person, but now that I had exchanged pleasantries it was time to move on, that would be a good excuse.
Which is why I and other posters here think that is what happened…
Well, it isn’t like women have a lock on that one. You start going out with a girl who is stunning and you really like. She wants to go everywhere with you, and you think “cool, I get to show off my hot girlfriend.”
Three months later and the same behavior of “you want to go out with the guys tonight and you don’t want me along” with a girl you’ve become less attached to becomes psychobitch territory.
Or, if they don’t think you’re ‘hawt’, they’ll just carry on as though we’re all just ordinary people saying ‘Hi’ and moving on. Strange, but often true.
Yeah, I know when I’m running an errand for Dad, I can’t take an extra 5 minutes to talk to an ex.
Look, you have successfully extracted yourself from the Friend Zone into the Relationship Zone. Problem is that it didn’t work out and it took her all of one kiss to figure out she’s ‘just not that into you’.
Hey…it happens. Chemistry just wasn’t there.
Basically she’s moved on and you have now been relagated to the status of “date that didn’t work out”. While you are attempting to pursue and escalate the relationship. “Creepy” is just shorthand for saying that you are in two different places with respect to the relationship and the incongruities are making her uncomfortible.
If there was a chance for you to get her number it was during your conversation. If by chance you happen to bump into her again at a neutral location (IOW, stop going to where she works), try to get her number if she seems interested. Otherwise, focus your efforts on the other 3 billion women on the planet.
I’ll vote for a quick email (if you can come up with her address, myspace, facebook etc…), Nice bumping into you again, we should get together for coffee one of these days, how does this week look. Emails are much more casual then a formal letter.
No one mentioned a “formal” letter. Letters can be casual notes, too.
I know everyone is saying “no flowers - creepy!” but I disagree to a certain extent.
I used to give random co-workers a (one or two, but no more) sunflower or daisy just to brighten their day - I mean, these flowers are cheerful and not screaming romance (except for those of us who actually prefer sunflowers over roses). So personally, I think you’re safe there and hell - even if you wanted to do a little “remember when” note and not sign your name, and do a followup (think along the lines of a scavenger hunt) but give her clues that will build up to reveal who this mystery person is.
I had someone do this with me and I cherished it - even though we didnt go into romantic mode - yes, he wanted but I wasnt ready for any relationship. We still had a good time and hell, I fixed him up with one of my casual friends and they had a whirlwind romance. He was one hell of a great guy - but I didnt realize this when I was in highschool. I’m glad I had the chance to get to know him again as an adult and I’m glad he made the effort to find me.
But hey, there are a lot of good ideas mentioned and some good advice.