The note is fine, I think. The thing is to keep it really light and short. Give her your contact info (phone number; email addy) and ask her to give you a call if she’s interested in hanging out.
Full stop.
If she doesn’t get in touch with you, you’ll know she either: A) wasn’t interested in you anyway, despite the hugs & friendliness. If this is the case, then it won’t matter whether you send a note, or an email, or arrange to bump into her again, or hire a skywriter to ask her out in smoke above her house – she just isn’t interested.
-or-
B) she was creeped out by your perfectly polite & proper note. In which case: fuck her. There’s nothing the least bit creepy or inappropriate about the type of note we are talking about. If she’s that over-sensitive, who needs her?
The important thing here is; if you don’t hear back from her, do not attempt to contact her again. Her silence is your answer, whatever her reasons. Continued attempts to get in touch with her would be creepy.
[QUOTE=Jess]
The note is fine, I think. The thing is to keep it really light and short. Give her your contact info (phone number; email addy) and ask her to give you a call if she’s interested in hanging out.
Full stop.
[/quote]
Oh I know once I send the note that the ball is in her court. If I don’t hear from her again I would not make any attempt to contact her.
[QUOTE=msmith537]
If there was a chance for you to get her number it was during your conversation. If by chance you happen to bump into her again at a neutral location (IOW, stop going to where she works), try to get her number if she seems interested. Otherwise, focus your efforts on the other 3 billion women on the planet.
[/QUOTE]
I wasn’t at where she works. (She is unemployed now [The only reason I know that is she told me ]) The only reason I would go to her old job was to rent videos and it was the only rental place in town.
[QUOTE=maggenpye]
So, she was pleasant to you for a few minutes, then left without asking for or giving you contact details.
You have several friends involved in tracking her down. Going through old phone books, doing a Google search on a partial phone number.
As a woman, I’ve found similar behaviour to be creepy. If I want more contact I’ll ask for your number, give you mine or say “Gee, I wish I had more time to catch up, how 'bout coffee sometime.”
Maybe she won’t find it creepy, maybe she *wants *you to jump through hoops finding out where she lives. Would you want to go out with her if that was true?
Best of luck.
[/QUOTE]
I had the feeling as she was walking away that she was expecting me to ask for her number. But by the time I realized it she was already on the checkout line and I thought by “running” over to her it would show me as “needy”.
I had one friend involved in “tracking her down” as you say and all I asked him was if he had her # in one of his old books. I never would go through a public phone book for the information. We both had a few friends with the same first name as hers and a number without an area code is not enough information to go on thus the googling.
Look, this whole thing is creepy. If you see her again or happen to hunt down her number, just be like “hey, we should get together for coffee (or whatever). What are you doing (pick a day)?” She either likes you and will say “sure, pick me up around (time)” in which case you have a date or she’s not into you and will be like “oh…I think I have plans that day.” in which case you should move on.
Personally, I don’t think she’s into you romantically and she’s just being nice because she’s not a bitch. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that when a woman is just being nice she is showing interest.
[QUOTE=Walloon]
Modern heterosexuality, where every other attempt to connect is called “creepy”.
Sad.
[/QUOTE]
That’s simply not true. As I said, “creepy” is when your behavior and actions towards her are inconsistant with her indications towards you.
For example, if she’s still evaluating you and you are locked on to her, that tends to creep girls out. But if you play it cool - like you are having a good time, but aren’t sure if you like her yet - not creepy.
I have to ask the OP what’s so special about this particular girl? Do you feel you guys have an actual connection or do you just feel it’s easier than approaching a perfect stranger?
[QUOTE=Walloon]
Modern heterosexuality, where every other attempt to connect is called “creepy”.
Sad.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it does sort of suck. But sometimes all it takes is one stalker to spoil it for everyone. If you haven’t already read it, this Onion article is always good for a laugh.
[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
Well, it isn’t like women have a lock on that one. You start going out with a girl who is stunning and you really like. She wants to go everywhere with you, and you think “cool, I get to show off my hot girlfriend.”
Three months later and the same behavior of “you want to go out with the guys tonight and you don’t want me along” with a girl you’ve become less attached to becomes psychobitch territory.
[/QUOTE]
My experience is that the *stunners * whom I wanted to ditch in lieu of the guys were already psychos, only, it took about three months to get through to the Psycho stratum. (or at least for me to see it :smack: )
[QUOTE=MannyL]
I never would go through a public phone book for the information.
[/QUOTE]
See, that’s where we differ. You’ve spent a lot of time and effort hunting her down, when her number may well be public information. That’s what I’m finding odd - all the effort after a <5 minute conversation.
You said in post 8 that you were going to ask a female co-worker to go through old phone books, then said in post 29 that your male best friend had given you the partial number - that’s why I believed you had more than one person involved.
YMMV. But perhaps you’re prolonging the *hope *by taking this roundabout route, instead of asking directly when you had the chance, or contacting her by any of the methods she may have for open and direct contact (myspace / facebook / public phonebook) as others here have suggested.
I’m bowing out of this discussion. You asked for opinions, I’ve given mine. I can add nothing further.