Lady Dopers, some advice please!

[CanvasShoes]

*Originally posted by Anal Scurvy *
**This is actually turning into a bullshit thread.

It is not an unreasonable request for him to want his wife to look hotter than if she were at a sleepover, especially since he indicates he just wants a change of pace and is probably safe to assume that his intentions aren’t to force her to do this forever.

As in any relationship, you have to compromise and that means that every now and then you’ll do something to make your partner happy that, quite frankly, is not the most intriguing possibility in your life right now.

That’s life. That’s fair. That’s how relationships work. I bet he does silly shit for his wife all the time, just to make her happy.

Not that anyone really has suggested this, but I doubt this is an issue about sexual boundaries. She’s probably insecure. **

Please note the OP, where he said “for lounging around in”. Key word here being “lounging”. As in reclining somewhat on a chair or sofa, probably with feet curled under. Or maybe kicked up on a coffee table.

If it’s for “playtime” no, it’s not unreasonable, but for flopping down in a chair and watching a movie or reading? They ride up, they bind, they’re beyond “uncomfortable”. They HURT. And, they’re COLD.

Tell you what, let’s give you a wedgie with a scratchy pair of nylon lace panties and then you can “lounge” around. Preferably in a leather barcolounger.

I note in your post above you said “compromise”. IF the OP is to get his wife to do this. He’s going to have to either accept quite a bit less than a bustier and hose for “lounging around in”.

And, if she DID agree to “lounge around” in such attire, say just to be be nice one night, he’d have to be willing to set the thermostat a LOT higher…Or, he’s going to have to realize that that sort of clothing (if one can call it that) is for “dress up” during playtime.

[CanvasShoes]

*Originally posted by audilover *
You females are all waaaaayyy to defensive about this. I sense a very high Frigidity Quotient on this thread, overall.

It’s not a totally unreasonable request. The OP could be more tactful about it…but it’s not that bad a thing to wish for/fantasize about. I wish my wife did more sexually tantalizing things just because I like them, and not just because they’re convenient and/or comfortable.

How does not wanting to have boning poking into your ribs while you’re watching TV translate into “frigidity”?

What part of “for lounging around in” don’t some of you people get? I’ll wager that if the OP wasn’t so pushy about the “lounging around in” the bustier and hose thing, he’d likely GET the bustier and hose thing for PLAYTIME.

Where do you draw the line when balancing your own wishes and desires with your SO’s? If he completely suppresses his desires, he’ll end up making himself miserable and resentful.

It’s not as if he’s having to go without sex. Or even that his sexual fantasies would be refused. He was talking about her dressing like this for hanging out!

Seriously girls…calm down. Too much of the “She said she didn’t want to and no means no” argument can backfire. It may apply to a non-consesual sex situation, but not to favors between husband and wife.

It’s not a “sexual” situation. He’s talking about hanging out time. If it were a role playing thing, for a sexual encounter, that’s one thing, but doing this for an entire evening of supposed relaxing?

And if it does apply then, I’ll remember that the first no stands when I’m asked to do the dishes a second time. I find it unpleasant and degrading, and I shouldn’t have to do it if I don’t want to.

There’s a fine line between looking out for one’s self and selfishness.

There certainly is, and asking someone to sit around a freezing house for hours in tiny scratcy lace underthings, just so you can look up from The Simpsons, or Law and Order and pat yourself on the back for having such a “hottie” is selfish in the extreme.

[irishgirl]

Only way to go here is to give her a large gift voucher for a VERY expensive lingerie shop (Agent Provocateur, Myla, something in that league). If you can’t afford it, don’t substitute somewhere cheaper, it’s not the same thing at all.

A woman will wear really slutty lingerie IF they cost so much that in no sense of the word could she be accused of looking “cheap”.

Suggest she buys herself a treat, something that makes HER feel sexy and confident.

If you do it right she’ll be wearing it when you get home, if not, tell her how much you’ve been looking forward to seeing her in her new purchase.

That way, she gets exactly what she wants, and so do you.

Don’t even try to interfere with the lounging clothes. Nobody feels sexy in sweats, they’re made for the occasions when you just want to slump with some chocolate and a chick flick.

[aerodave]

Originally posted by Jodi
But then, I do sense a very high Knuckledragger Quotient in your post, overall.

I will only defend myself by saying that I was not specifically defending the idea of the woman “lounging” in uncomfortable garments. I basically said that what he wants is his business, and he shouldn’t have to suppress his wishes completely out of hand. Compromise is the name of the game…and in a compromise situation, you always start high, and then come down.

But the rest of my post was committed to speaking in generalities. I was merely talking about doing things that may be a little inconvenient for the sake of the one you love. I specifically avoided the “lounging in a bustier” becase, well, I find the idea of making my wife do that abhorrent. I would never ask her to do that. I was only playing devil’s advocate for the OP, because I felt he had a point, even if his was taken to a somewhat twisted extreme.

And Jodi, not only is your defensiveness showing strong in your response to my accusations of defensiveness, but it’s making you blind to the spirit of my post. You obviously missed a couple key points that negate the “Knuckledragger” charge. Then again, women do tend to a staggering capacity for selective observation.

In case you missed it, I spent half my post explaining how I bend over backwards all the time only wishing to make my wife happy. That’s my job.

You’re the kind of guy who finds the things he must do to make his wife happy to be not just “unpleasant and inconvenient” but “exceedingly” so.

And if you read closely, I didn’t say that all the things I do for her are unpleasant. I said I do unpleasant things for her. Rooting through a week’s worth of garbage to find the engagement ring which she lost is unpleasant, I don’t care who you are. As are middle-of-the-night, wake-my-ass-up, drive-in-a-blizzard trips to the store to get weird flavors of ice cream when those “cravings” set in.

So yeah, I do things I don’t like to make sure that she’s happy. I’d be a pretty bad guy if I didn’t. But never did I say those things were the entirety, the majority, or even an appreciable portion of all that I do for her. You inferred that yourself.

The fact is, I spoil my wife too much for her own good. I do more than my fair share of household work, and don’t even use it as a bargaining chip like many people do, because I feel it’s part of my set of responibilities. I fail to see how selfless love and devotion makes me a Knuckledragger. I thought it was obvious that the “dishes” analogy was in jest. I suppose you’d like me to more explicity spell out my sarcasm? Kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me. Sarcasm is for smart people to get, and leaves the rest confused and misled.

[curly_chick]

Well, speaking entirely for myself, audilover, my eyes glazed over after the “Frigidity Quotient” remark.

I can’t think I’ve ever heard a woman describe herself as frigid. Frigidity might very well be an affliciton invented by men to excuse their own lack of ability.
But then, I suppose someone who uses such a remark would expect me to say that, wouldn’t he?

Fighting ignorance, you say? Pass me that bat.

[aerodave]

*Originally posted by curly chick *
I can’t think I’ve ever heard a woman describe herself as frigid.

Well, of course you haven’t. Why would someone put such a label on herself? I don’t hear a lot of guys describe themselves as knuckledraggers.

Any sexist argument you can throw at the use of the f-word that I introduced can be equally well applied to the use of the k-word that Jodi brought up. Pot calling the kettle black, yadda yadda…

*Originally posted by Giraffe *
**There’s a world of difference between choosing to do various things you don’t necessarily enjoy because they make your partner happy, and trying to emotionally blackmail your partner into doing a specific thing they don’t enjoy because it makes you happy. In the latter case, you’re not giving the other person the freedom to choose how they try to make you happy.

If someone feels their partner doesn’t do nice things for them as a general rule, that’s a totally separate (and serious) issue. The way to fix it is not to demand a single, specific action as compensation. However, there’s nothing in the OP that indicates this is the case.**

I agree wholeheartedly with the above post. It is certainly not incongruous with what I originally said. I think that’s a fine logical conclusion to which we can boil this argument down.

If so, this argument is finished…the OP has conceded, we’ve all made our points, and a lot of rampant man hating has been expressed for no good reason. I still maintain that some women went overboard on lynching the OP. That’s why I came along and stirred things up, took some of the flak off hlanelee, (for which he should thank me), and managed to piss off a few people, all the while never hearing a convincing counterargument that didn’t resort to ad hominem. I’ll call it a moral victory.

[Dung_Beetle]

I have brought it up but it is not a subject open to discussion.

She’s probably insecure.

Frigidity

us men

Seriously girls

women do tend to a staggering capacity for selective observation.

I like men, maybe even too much. But there were a couple of things here that still managed to raise my hackles. I know they were meant to, but just in case you were wondering why all the women got so defensive…

[CanvasShoes]

Then again, women do tend to a staggering capacity for selective observation.

I find this comment to be really ironic and quite telling, considering that the men in this thread who protested and put down the opinions of the women in the thread the MOST, were those that read the OP as saying “My wife won’t wear sexy lingerie for me” and TOTALLY missed the WHEN and WHY he wanted her to wear sexy lingerie.

[shannablu]

What woman would want to lounge around the house in lingerie when they could be comfortable in sweats? That way, when she does get dolled up for you, it’s a nice surprise and a great change from the usual.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Personally, I favour silk lounging PJ’s and a matching silk robe that’s lined with a terry-like substance (and absurd, fluffy blue slippers).

Comfy, and I don’t look like the Stay-Puff Marshmellow Man. Perhaps you could look for something like that for your lady?

[Horseflesh]

Color me baffled. Why in the hell would you want to wear something that’s as uncomfortable as a bustier and hose (playtime or not)? Is it possible to feel sexy and desirable when you’re in that much discomfort? And why in the world would you want your SO to wear something that would make them uncomfortable? This smacks of a non-communication issue. If my SO told me she’d like to see me lounge around the house nekkid with pinecones glued to my ass and I gritted my teeth and complied, I’d say that we don’t know each other as well as we should.

Try saying something like this to your g/f next time you’re both lounging around the house: “You know what? I’m tired of hanging out in these [t-shirt & shorts/sweats/flannel jammies/tuxedos] all the time. What would you like to see me in?” If she says she doesn’t really care, then perhaps you have bigger, hidden issues that you both need to deal with. But chances are she’ll jump at the chance to give you some suggestions. Take the suggestions, modify/compromise them to your tastes, and do it. Hopefully she’ll respond sometime soon with a similar statement, and then you can make your suggestions. I’d say corsets and bustiers are probably out (you can go to a strip club if you’d like to see something like that), but a silk or terrycloth robe, cotton or silk pajamas, or a nightgown might fly.

Personally I like the sweats, t-shirt & shorts, or sports bar & flannel pj bottoms look.

[Profane]

*Originally posted by Smashed Ice Cream *
**He sure has, and looks HOT!

[sub]don’t ask how I remembered that thread…[/sub] **

Uh, wow. I’m going to have to clear my history so I don’t have to explain why I’m looking at anal_drag.jpg to anyone.

[congodwarf]

I was reading some of this thread to my SO. He commented that he’d love to see me in a bustier but part of the reason he bought me fleece footie pajamas for Christmas two years ago was because he knew I’d wear them and nothing else so he could just unzip them when he wanted to see something nice.
I love to lounge in them and I’m always warm and comfortable and occasionally, he’ll run over to the couch, rip the zipper down, take a good look (or feel) and run back to the computer.

[seal_cleaner]

Yeas ago my father bought my mother some hot pants (!!) which she did NOT want to wear. So he told her she could buy anything she wanted to wear with them.

She bought a floor-length mink coat! HAH!