Hi,
I understand many myths are quickly smashed once a person discovers what married life is really like, but I’m still going to ask.
Who out there has a wife that chooses rather than undressing in front of you to go into the bathroom to change or just turn around and cover themselves from the release of the bra to the change of the shirt? If she’s feeling really cheeky she’ll change shirts and then take the bra off underneath.
All I’m saying is, as a man it’s a highlight of my day to watch my wife take that damn bra off, even if all I get is a glimpse before they are covered once again and many times I am denied even that… possibly it’s a sex deterent?
Perhaps she’s just shy about her body? Sexually inexperienced? Grew up in a repressed household? How old is she? Are you her first?
You didn’t say how long you’d been married, but if you help her instead of rush her, you’ll get farther. That’s not to say that you are rushing her.
If you’ve only been married a short time, try setting the mood for her. Make dinner, serve a little wine with it, light candles (nice and semi-dark), and then, of course, tell how beautiful she is. Talk to her. Ask her questions. Really listen to the answers. Ponder them.
And be patient.
Did you have sex before marriage and it suddently changed after? Or did you wait till the wedding night?
Oh, and how experienced are you? Confidence is KEY to helping a woman out of her shell.
I was very shy when I first started out, but now am fairly unquenchable and am not afraid to try new things. It took a few very trustworthy partners to get there.
Rants go in the pit, polls in IMHO. I am not sure where this goes but surely not in GQ.
Anyway, since I am sure it will be moved: My wife has always been comfortable undressing in front of me, even before we were married. We have been together 9 years now (married for 5) if this makes any difference. I have never dated a woman that exhibited the behavior you are describing after a week or two of sleeping together. That said, I have only slept with a dozen women or so for more than a week or two so more data may be in order.
Oh, and BTW, I completely agree with everything Large Marge said. Not a sex deterrent, definitely something to be talked about gently, lovingly, and with great respect.
Everybody has issues and your spouse is supposed to be the one person who understands them all and judges none of them (at least IMHO).
Heh, when she does get comfortable undressing in front of you. (And believe me she will.) Don’t under any circumstances tell her, no matter how long you’ve been married; if she’s naked standing in front of the T.V.; do not, I repeat, do not! Tell her to move out of the way!!
Ok,
not sex deterent …when is she comfortable? When she’s smiling.
When is she not comfortable? When she’s upset.
When is she upset? 90% of the time about anything she can be. (upset being anything from worried, to depressed, to angry)
Hmm, lets see what else? 3 years of marriage… She’s a year more than me and I’m in my late 20’s. Yes, according to her I was her first, she’s a raised catholic but for the most part a non-practicing one. Her views on sex and virginity were far more “manly” than mine at the time and yes we did it (many times)before we were married.
And Eyer8, the key word is “upset” here not “ranting” and yeah, I’m upset about it if that is a crime or what have you.
Well, I wasn’t going to get into that dangermom, but I’ve volunteered us many times, I’m fully willing to speak with someone. But you see, in Poland to “be in need of counseling/therupy” is the same as being mentally ill in more severe ways… the socialist system of medical treatment is much like our welfare sytem… I’m unsure if welfare generates the "I’m never sick"mentality though… but socially (everyday life) it is seen as a sign of weakness to catch colds alot of suffer outwardly often. All I can do is be patient with her you see, build her trust =/…
Well, i can say this much that she is actually a little better here than she was in Poland prior tp our marriage… no significant changes… oh believe me, i’m still waiting for these.
Polish, huh? Lots of Eastern European types can be pretty paranoid about cold -sealing the house against drafts, and so forth. Maybe her coyness has nothing to do with sex or shyness and everything to do with the fact that she’s afraid of catching a chill, or at least, that’s what her Mama told her would happen if she pranced around naked.
As a wife who undresses in the bathroom rather than the bedroom if I’m really tired, I do it for three reasons:
My night clothes are usually in the bathroom 'cause that’s where I hang them when I shower in the morning. It’s just more convenient to slip them on after I wash my face and brush my teeth before bed. If I’m not tired, I’ll bring my pj’s to the bedroom and make an elaborate show of getting naked, then change, because my husband always enjoys the show.
My husband has a habit of grabbing at my breasts, slapping my ass, or just grabbing my ass with both hands and sqeezing for a really long time whenever I change in the bedroom. He doesn’t do it hard, but if I’m really tired and just want to get into bed and go to sleep, that’s just another barrier between me and my little furrow in our bed. I’ve talked to him about it numerous times (in far more diplomatic and gentle terms of course), but he doesn’t understand that sometimes I don’t feel like having my butt or boobs grabbed before bed.
Since getting naked in front of my husband (and sometimes not getting naked - he also grabs my butt and boobs if I’ve got my hands full) always results in groping, those areas lose a lot of sensitivity after a while. And I stop associating the groping with pleasure - instead it becomes more like a peck on the cheek or a brief hug. I want to enjoy being touched in those areas, so sometimes I change in the bathroom to take a break.
I’d be fine changing in front of my husband every day if he’d occasionally keep his admiration to a wolf whistle or a gentle kiss here and there, but the grabbing and groping sometimes gets to be too much.
Ugh. I agree with this. I had an SO who used to grab my ass/breasts when I was preoccupied, or had my hands full, or was otherwise unable “to protect myself.” It really upset me, as I’d been the subject of many unwanted gropes from strangers before. It completely turned me off and made me less likely to want to be in any state of undress in front of him.
No crime, and no offense intended. I feel for you, I would be upset also. In fact I would be worried about my wife and wanting to make her feel better and more comfortable. I imagine this is what you are feeling. The “ranting” comment was just me trying to imagine the places the thread would be moved to when a mod found it, not really a response. Next time I will keep comments like that to myself.
I apologize on behalf of married gropers. Though in our defense, we are - for the most part - just practicing the golden rule. Do unto others, etc…
My SO and I take showers together most every night, so I’m of little help here. Though I agree with the sentiment expressed by the OP - it’s the hilight of my day when she disrobes… until she inevitably prances over to the mirror to check herself out. After the usual “God, I need to work out”, “I need to start eating healthy”, and “Look at those rolls! Buttery rolls! I’ve got a bakery going on, with Costco-sized muffins of an ass!”, well, the lust dies pretty quickly. For a minute, at least.
Yes, you’ve got it right. There is something to be said for the feminine mystique.
I undress in front of my fiance sometimes, and sometimes I change in the bathroom. I’m not shy about my body or anything, and often I strip down before bed. But, there are times when I don’t feel like being ogled or having comments made about my body/sexuality.
There are other things I try not to do around my fiance, and that includes most bathroom stuff, facials, dyeing my roots, you know, the little things. I can’t say I’ve never done any of it in front of him, but by and large I do keep those things private.
Maybe that’s what she’s doing, or maybe she’s not comfortable with her body. It’s hard to say. I know some women don’t undress for sex until they’re under covers. Hard for me to understand, but to each her own.