undressing when married

In My Humble Opinion
21

Hi again everyone,
Wow, to the ladies that responded, I thank you. Although it does feel like instead of apologizing to one wife, i have to apologize to many. Ladies please remember we don’t have your bodies and as much as you wish we were interested in how it all is for you, i think that curiousity is best left to some kind of “turning point” where this fact is either brought to their attention or they naturally find themselves wondering about it.

For a guy (I can’t speak for everyone) I find much pleasure in being “open” in many ways with my wife. The “old me” that constantly hammered the importance of communication (back when I was single and wasn’t made to feel doubtful of my opinions) . The old goal was to have a close friend I could have sex with. The new goal is just to get her to consider going to couseling with me. I do that by volunteering myself as to not place blame on her, although I am quite sure many of these things are her fault. I on the other hand have been to couseling, therupy and drug trial programs (depression) and while somewhat in doubt, would still say if nothing else you’ve got someone to hear it all; how many people are willing to do even that much?

Getting back my first paragraph I will say to the ladies, when you are truly committed to being married, for each party you “pass up” alot of “opportunities” in day. For a man it is not that he is depressed he is married because of this, but that this side of him exists and needs attention. My libido is quite healthy I am an artist and I truly admire the female form, I prefer to stubbornly look for the beauty in most things (so it’s easy with women, almost effortless) … that is where problems happen with me. But I will go back on track again… a man if he is home before his wife and has had time to rest, if he is a “good boy” has told himself “no” all day… when tired wifey walks in and starts taking her clothes off , he doesn’t see the bags under her eyes or the “I want to be cuddled” sober demeanor in her iris… he sees “yes!” “yes” you can… this is your wife, you can touch her and grope her like you’ve been wanting to all day… I can’t speak for women, but we guys think about this quite a lot most days and unlike women, if we don’t feel like it- we can be MADE to feel like it… I really think that is reallly just mentality, not a true fact, but what man would argue with a woman, especially if he wants sex? There’s a better chance of getting sex through * pity* at this point than by trying to argue it into being.

I took me quite some restraint and no this is nothing to do with the depression I mentioned, but it is depressing that all opportunity falls to your wife to fulfill your many desires and let’s face it, when is sh-e going to feel like it again? I’ve been figuratively been sent packing. I’m a frickin’ sexual camel of the “desert” now…hmm, maybe that’s why I get told I’m ranting…oh! yeah anyway.

I think you ladies that want the grabbing to stop have very little chance of it unless it’s a fight you want and never have i felt the way i do when I am misunderstood or just angry at someone you committed your life to, being angry just sucks in circumstances like this… it distances you from one person you “took” into your life… how’s that feel? huh?

I know it is I that is asking for help and opinions, but I think if you simply make a rule with your husbands that re-locates the grabbing (nice grabbing not “squeeze the glands out of your breasts kind of grabbing”) if it’s cold then tell 'em you’d like to get dressed first and then take them with you to the bed where you can bury yourself for heat, sure you’ll still get fondled, but at least you’re warm and maybe you could even negotiate some nice hugs in there as a “trade-off” no offense… yes marriage is alot about compromise, but some things you can’t do for your spouse and any issues my wife has can only be worked-out as their relations to me… the rest she’s got to want to do herself =/

btw- about losing sensitivity(breasts) one of you ladies wrote above- my wife says this too, but this is only going to happen if you stay in the same place, right?

And to one responder who said that she has been grabbed before, I apologize that someone treated you that way, just make sure it’s not something you take out on your husband, we may be horn-dogs and perverts, but we love our wives. Take care all & thanks for all the responses.

22

I’m sorry you haven’t had sex in a long time, but maybe your wife changes in the other room is because you seem to feel a sense of entitlement that if she’s naked, she’s yours for the groping.

Just because a woman is changing her clothes doesn’t mean it’s an invitation. That’s most likely why she does it in the bathroom. She knows you’re desperate for sex, and for whatever reason, she’s not in the mood.

Counseling sounds appropriate for both of you.

23

Do you have curtains?

24

LOL… no but I’m really fat, all it takes is a sleeve of my average tshirt to cover the windows :stuck_out_tongue:

Of course I have curtains, not that it matters since she never closes them… I feel like my mother, always nagging about the curtains. My motto on curtains is : are you so full of yourself that you think people would come especially to this house to look-in on you?

This has done wonders to deflate much of my earlier superficial paranoia, now I just close them to hold in more light and heat :wink:

25

I’m sorry you and your wife are having problems. Like Indygrrl, I think counseling is a very good idea for both of you.

I’d have to disagree with you that “all the opportunity falls on the wife” for sexual release. The sexual health of any relationship is the responsibility of both parties, not just one person. If your wife doesn’t want sex and you do, both of you need to find out why. Maybe you simply have disparate sex drives, or perhaps she has some deeper issues that may or may not be related to you. Either way, I’m glad that you’re going to get help.

Also, I’ve come to terms that my husband probably won’t stop groping me if I’m naked in front of him. That’s why it’s easier to change in the bathroom if I don’t feel like getting groped. Since I’ve already tried to talk about it with him, and I’ve played the “look but don’t touch game” and utterly failed to get him to stop grabbing the pink parts, it’s easier to say nothing and change elsewhere. It doesn’t hurt his feelings and it allows me to get into bed faster. I love that he loves my body so much, and I’m fine with the occasional groping, but sometimes the butt and boobies just need a rest.

And regarding the sensitivity issue: it’s not really that the area becomes any less sensitive nerve-wise. No matter how often my husband touches my butt or my boobs in particular, I’ve got pretty sensitive nerves there and always have. But after a while, getting touched there becomes…mundane. You know, like when my husbsand puts an arm around my shoulder while we’re watching TV. When done too often, it loses any sexual connotation that it had. Or, if he touches or grabs me a little too hard a little too often, it gets really annoying, like constantly getting bitten by a mosquito or something. It doesn’t really hurt, but I want to brush it off.

26

Wow, and just when i thought I had this subject civil enough to not squirm around…

Ok, where to start, I have no feelings of entitlement that are outwardly projected onto her… I have been to plenty of counseling, but I did not say ***we ***were getting any, she hates the stuff and will be more likely at the end of our marriage before she agrees to such a practice.

For the man I am, with the libido I have, i feel I do a very honorable job of restraint and patience. She knows I do not have such “piggish” views towards her that I would objectify her as parts, she’s my wife for cryin’ out loud.
Although for a man, I must say they do their share of attention-getting

Often when a man touches his wife in this way it is not intended to be taken as an “attack” that she, the wife must also defend herself from her own husband… you should understand that I am very understanding man, I don’t know what impression you have of me from the paragraph I wrote above, but you should enter into this with a tad bit more discretion .

And for you overlyverbose don’t give-up on him, he may come around just yet… but what I meant is what you yourself got around to saying- two different libidos… not her fault, not mine either though… I’m sure there could be other reasons she did live under Communist reign for a number of years and raise 4 other siblings alongside her mom, I give credit where credit is due… but there is still the fact that it has to be her choice to see or talk with someone… and voluteering to go with her does nothing in terms of changing her mind, so there you go.

27

one other little thing overlyverbose in regards to the sensitivity issue. I got ya it’s more a positive emotional/sexual attachment to the previously mentioned actions. Like my wife says with the “I love you” phrase. Anything can get old, but what would you say to holding hands with your husband? You would lo-ve that wouldn’t you… now i know holding hands is not quite such an appealing thing to the fellas, but let’s just say for a minute he loved to hold your hand. Is it just me or would you have a different connotation of this activity, as in it might be something you look forward to and quite possibly might not get tired of? Possibly…

I’m just trying to point out what is so painfully obvious, you two like different things, but you want it to be with the same person. Why? Cuz you love that one person this much … that yeah, we make each other suffer, haha. If you loved throwing your bra off all day and giving him the equivalent to one of those office stress-reliever balls for him to fondle you during the ball-game and during long dramatic movies I’m sure he’d be pretty ok with that, lol

Different genders, different programming, is this my excuse? No… but at least admit you guys have a different opinion of what would be “nice” and see that you think in similar ways just in regards to different areas in your relationship, men may always be so simple minded, but what great balance from looking inside a woman’s head… :eek:

28

There is a happy medium between any instance of nudity being justification for gropes and complete lack of interest. How about telling her she looks nice every so often without attacking her? You don’t give up all your personal space when you get married. I can hardly blame a woman who gets such attention from dressing in the bathroom.

As for losing interest - well I haven’t after 26 years. So some of you can speak for yourselves. :slight_smile:

29

I dunno - I don’t really like holding hands with anyone for a protracted period of time. I hate feeling like I can’t move my arm freely. But I do see what you’re saying. And it’s because I understand that he just doesn’t get it that I sometimes change in the bathroom. I’ve tried to talk about it to him, and he’ll understand me and listen and stuff, but he’ll also forget what I said as soon as I’m halfway naked. I guess his brain shuts down as soon as he sees skin.

I guess that’s a compliment, but jeez.

Anyway, changing in the bathroom avoids a big unnecessary “discussion” in which I try to explain to him nicely that constant groping gets old, and he’ll look a little hurt because he thinks he’s just being affectionate, while I feel like my privates are being roughed up.

I tried to demonstrate one night by lightly grabbing his crotch when he wasn’t expecting it. Not a good idea. :smiley: Apparently men do get ticklish down there!

30

My husband and I walk around the house naked all the time. We’re both comfortable in our own skin (and nothing else, at times), and it just isn’t a big deal.

31

I’m really paranoid over this thread. After sex or even no sex, I like to spoon and cup the ladies breast before I go to sleep. wow, now I don’t know what to do. Any signs?
update: no recent sexual relations, things may have changed.

33

gahh! that did not come out right. I meant that I have no experience recently. sigh

34

Too much of it, though, can seriously affect your ability to function in reality…

35

gravitycrash, I do that with my SO as well - just ask first, if you’re concerned. I’ll usually slip a hand under her shirt at her waist and then ask, “May I (hold you)?” If it’s any comfort, my SO says it can be a very comforting feeling, and its generally well-received. (So long as I’m not trying to fool around.)

I dunno; I’ve lost a lot of good opportunities by downplaying my skills and aspirations.

But then I’d be too ashamed to make it through a shower!

Well, I guess you got me there. :smiley:

Funny - my life has gotten better as I’ve learned to pay less attention to what others think.

To each his own, I suppose.

36

Any one else mentally add “…young Jedi” to the end of that post?

37

raises hand

Anyway, this thread has struck me as sort of weird. I understand that the OP has some issues in his marriage, but it has never occurred to me that being naked or undressing in front of your SO is something you’d have to put much thought into, or in the case of some of these ladies, form strategies around.

My Lady and I see each other naked literally every day. We shower together every morning, and we both sleep naked. We dress/undress in the same room, with the lights on…and it’s never occurred to me that this is weird or could in some way ruin the ‘mystique’ of our marriage.

I will say that my naked wife is not automatically a signal for sex any more. I still find her beautiful to look at, and definitely hot and sexy…but since we do spend so much time naked together, getting worked up every time would be awfully frustrating.

But just because we both realize that naked =! sexually receptive, doesn’t mean that we don’t have a myriad of other signals (some subtle, some less so) to let each other know when we’re in the mood.

38

Don’t be paranoid - you said “cup,” not “jiggle,” “grope” or “squeeze like a stressball,” right? :wink:

39

Heehee - you’re a funny crazy person.

40

Yeah, no kidding Featherlou… no mystery why they aren’t here anymore.
Now how exactly does a banned person post to forums? hmm? lol

I really believe the Europeans are way ahead of of us in the matter of nudity, but then again where would our movies be without nudity to fill them out(pun possibly intended)?

I really admire stonebow’s relationship and wish it could be the same way with my wife and I, but I know too well about trying to make a person into the one you think they should be. Besides, you do get good things from a marriage when you keep trying with it (can’t speak for everyone, hehe)

The problem is to each & every person I talk to about this issue, it always ends with " it has to be her choice" blah,blah,blah… well, sure that’s great that I’ve arrived a point to just transition this over to her, but hey…anyone else here crickets?

Ok, so I’m @ “it has to be her choice” now how do I get it to actually be her choice?? I’ve been waiting patiently like this for a good year or so… she thinks about a house, a cat, furniture, and child eventually; savings plan… school, friends… but not herself, she stays busy intentionally to not think in this direction, not about her, if she likes herself, why she does certain things or feels certain ways…self-discovery is strictly off-limits which is why I suppose a couselor would strike some fear into her heart r… not so much sexually, but she is a virgin on so many other levels… and what’s frustrating is there’s no interest to with her to gain experience at such things and become a bit more comfortable with life and it’s obstacles… she is hard-driven and relentless with her “pet” masters degree(she’s got one already), she inconveniences herself enormously, but to do this for the sake of be self-actualized… God forbid… she talks to me and tells me I don’t talk to her enough and if I were feeling conversive I assure her I would talk to her, but I don’t …most of the time… when she talks to me it’s always allusions to things I can’t provide or do anything about which would make anyone on edge, but this is 50% of the content in her conversations in general; which makes our relationship very black or white… black being bad? …she’s great during the “white” moments though… and no gray… the black shows me the worst in her, so I guess I know how bad it can get, the white shows me the potential in her in regards to what she can be… so from there what’s to say? Help? Do they even make a “super-nanny” for adults? lol… please don’t say Dr. Phil… I’d rather fall on a tire iron if that’s my option.

41

Please take this in the gentlest way, but I’d submit that you need to let go of the assumption that she’s the one that needs to change and that she’s the one with a long list of faults that need to be corrected. She is apparently happy with her situation - or at least happy enough that she doesn’t feel the need to change it. You’re not going to change her. You need to either change your expectations or leave. This is who you married. Either accept her or don’t.

As far as the undressing goes, she may just be modest. Some people like to be naked a lot in their houses. Some people are more comfortable with clothing on. There’s nothing weird, unnatural, or bad about either preference. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you.