I did already with all my previous posts. You didn’t ask any specific questions of me so I don’t know what kind of response you are looking for. I think the mother made too much of this and you are making too little of it. And no I don’t think it is a good idea for 32 year old men to talk to unaccompanied 11 year old girls. Even if they start the conversation. If I found you talking to my daughter I would find you highly suspect. My scumbag radar is pretty good so if it didn’t go off I might not have reacted at all except to later tell the girl about what to look out for in the big bad world. But I will repeat there is a much better way to handle it than the mother did. I think I already said all this.
“Saaaaay… Are you shoplifting a timpano, or are you just bootyliscious?!”
They were talking about guitars.
He didn’t ask her if she wanted a ride. He didn’t comment on her appearance. He didn’t offer to “show her how to hold the guitar”. He thanked her for the compliment on his playing, asked her if she played, and offered neutral encouragment (“Keep it up”). And clearly, they weren’t unaccompanied.
What should he have done when the girls asked, “Mind if we listen?” Turned his back on them? Told them to go home to mommy? Run away screaming?
I’m the women had a full head of steam up I can easily imagine her saying this without pedophile imlications. Women say this all the time (almost habitually in some cases) to round up their kids especially when the kids are deliberately lollygagging.
I’m imagining Chris Griffin of Family Guy playing guitar somewhere. A girl comes up and asks, “Can I listen to you play?”
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Yes I think this should work in most situations.
I never said that Ogre did anything specifically wrong. I did say it wasn’t a good idea to for a grown man to talk to strange young girls without their parents present. If you are pure of heart there is nothing inherently wrong with small talk. In this case Ogre probably could not have done much short of being rude. Rude may be a better choice in some circumstances. However in this case I didn’t have any problem with what Ogre did. My problem was the lack of empathy with the mother. I can think of many circumstances which would cause her reaction. Some involved suspicion of Ogre and some are more innocent such as astro is saying.
Because of course there is a script that predators follow. Mom should have known that Ogre wasn’t following the script. “Oh they are talking about guitars, there can’t be anything wrong.”
BTW should I mention again that I think the mother overreacted?
Whoa. This nearly got out of hand in my absence. Allow me to clarify some things.
[quote]
Thankyou.If only the girl’s parents at the trial had been like you,then I would not ended up being locked away as a ‘public nuisance’ *Are you being serious? What happened?
Yeah, I’ve found that underage girls really go nuts for random Wes Montgomery guitar parts.
I understand why you do this, but I absolutely refuse. I meant the girls no harm at all, and I don’t think there should be the automatic assumption that I’m a pervert. I was not touching them, licking my lips, offering guitar lessons in exchange for sex, serenading them with sweet, sweet music, nor even looking at them for most of our conversation. I admit to smiling, but I refuse to acknowledge that this is symptomatic of perviness. I was having a conversation with two people who were obviously interested in music (and who, IMO, showed very mature musical tastes…they expressed verbal admiration for a syncopated, fairly complex jazz run. It wasn’t like I was playing the rhythm part for “I’m a Slave 4 U” or whatever.) Bah. Besides, they started the conversation.
I took the name Ogre because I used to play football (defensive tackle) and had a particularly good D-game once when I had several sacks. The quarterback was overheard in the huddle telling his O-line to “keep that ogre off me,” and the name stuck. Couple that with the (at the time) contemporary association with the eponymous character from “Revenge of the Nerds,” and my fate was sealed. Couple all that with the ironic fact that I was much more bookish and introverted than most others on the team, and it became like calling a 400-pound center “Tiny.” A nickname triple-threat. It never stuck past the football field, and I dropped it after I quit playing, but I resurrected it when I registered here because - well, I don’t know why - it just flashed through my brain while the registration screen was up, I suppose.
Physically, I’m largish and fairly imposing, I guess, but no tattoos, long hair, piercings, or anything else. In fact, I was dressed kinda like this yesterday, except I had on a whitish button-down.
You’ll pardon me, I hope, if I don’t think I was particularly threatening.
I have three nieces and a nephew (who I have never molested, for the record - which should be understood, but I guess not) who are all exceptionally intelligent kids. I learned long ago that treating them like children got me exasperated looks and acid responses, so I have a tendency to treat everyone like an adult…at least, in conversation. Kids seem to appreciate it.
You may be correct about the ultimate cause, but I got the strong impression that she saw me as a threat. Her body language spoke volumes. She interposed herself physically between me and the girls, which is a giveaway motherly-protection sign. She refused to answer me, and she gave me an unmistakable (at least, it seemed that way at the time) “mess with my cubs, and I’ll rip your face off” glare, while rapidly herding the one girl away. If it had not have ultimately been about me, on the other hand, and the mother was acting on history between her and the girls, I still say she was guilty of inexcusable rudeness.
This is the crux of the matter to me. What was I supposed to do? I was sitting there, doing precisely nothing to draw them over except putting a guitar through its paces (as one tends to do in a guitar shop,) and they initiated conversation. Was I supposed to treat myself like a criminal and say, “In accordance with my feelings of guilt over being a man and some bizarre social application of Megan’s Law, in spite of the fact that I’m not a criminal, and have no sexual feelings toward you at all, I must warn you that I’m, um, what? A human. Better go get your mom so she can protect you from my fiery, seductive music.”? I don’t think so.
Okay, okay; you said that.
I still think she jumped to a conclusion, though.
Damn hamsters. Lets try this again.
I agree with you because I trust Ogre implicitly despite his imposing, scary ogre-like appearance. I can understand why she jumped to that conclusion and apparently you can’t. I’m not losing sleep over it.
Yes, I’m a terrifying beast. Just for the heck of it, here was my lunch. You can see the mortal dread in her eyes.
I understand your point, Loach. And yes, if it had not been a public place, or if it had been out back by the dumpster, I would have been a good deal more nervous. But this was a well-lit guitar shop, where I was doing guitar stuff.
Wow its worse than I thought.
You do realize it was a joke right? I’m trying to cut down on my use of these 
but maybe I should keep using them.
Nah. I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of my kitty. ( )
Huh? I thought we were all seen as an irresistible challenge to women. Besides, I keep hearing that I’m only “barely gay,” so I could have her completely under my spell until it was too late and she realized she was just a MIWLF.
But back to the OP: I think we need to step back a bit. Even if Ogre weren’t absolutely dreamy (and I say that in a purely platonic, non-threatening, but nonetheless very gay sense), but were instead an imposing and monstrous but “gentle giant,” the MIWLF woman very definitely way way over-reacted. How is saying that Ogre should’ve known he would be intimidating talking to strange young girls and given the mom a pass, any different than saying that the girls were asking for it because they were dressed so slutty?
Yes, there are pedophiles and predators out there, but they’re simply not as common as urban legends and Lifetime Television For Women movies would have you believe. And if it gets to the point where parents are so paranoid that a guy can’t have an innocent conversation with a person of any age/gender/whatever, then seriously, society’s gotten pretty fucked up.
Finally something we can all agree with. I blame the internet.
Is that something like “almost bisexual”?
almost pregnant?
By that argument, I’m almost female…
Sigh, this is sad, this paranoia that we parents have nowadays…
I’m a new-ish Dad (**trusquirt ** is just two 
) Becoming a father has done two things to me:
1.I now love young children dearly. (My wife jokes that I’m shedding puddles of oxytocin, the “hug” hormone that fathers can have elevated after the birth)
- I have to struggle to fight down the impression that every adult within 10 meters of my son want to abduct him. It’s getting easier as time goes on, but when we brought him home from the hospital, I swear I thought everyone in the hospital lobby was a potential kidnapper. :rolleyes: I was checking out distance, exit routes, prioritizing threats, whoo-boy…
Now, when we bring him to the play area in the mall, I don’t always hover over him, but I always try maintain visual contact. I don’t read, I don’t look at other people. Sometimes, though, I will say something playfull to one of the other kids of the same type I would say to mine, like “are you enjoying flying the aiplane?” The hell of it is, If I were to see myself doing that, I would probably be suspicious of myself. I’m a 36 yr old, greying 6’ 240 lb man (Sound familiar, Ogre?)
I can see myself exactly reacting like both **Loach ** and Ogre in various circumstances, not to mention that lady. It saddens me, because children can bringsuch joy to your heart, like nothing else, really; but I understand it because of this gnawing paranoia that you have to beat down, but beat down only enough that “real” threats still register on the scope. Sigh… I must try to remember to assume the best about people, even if preparing for the worst.
(And I gotta remember that: embarassment, not disaproval 
)
After your daughters have met Iceland, every male on the planet will seem harmless by comparison Oh… :eek:
As I’ve posted countless times in other threads, I have an 11 year old daughter, and my Mrs. Jim is a kid magnet. She’s always been available to help out at the school, to babysit if necessary, etc. So over the years, the kids in the neighborhood have come to know us pretty well.
As a result, this means I’m now frequently, nay constantly, interacting with children. Many of whom are “seemingly unsupervised 11 year old” girls. I talk to them, and I don’t dismiss them because they’re children. I take them seriously. I talk to them about everything from what their nemesis in homeroom did today to the upcoming presidential election to religion to physics. Sometimes when my daughter has her friends sleep over, the Mrs. and/or I will stay up until the wee hours shootin’ the breeze & philosphising with them.
As a result, the kids like us alot. Sometimes they’ll come by to hang out with me & Mrs. Jim, rather than with our kids. I thought that’s what ‘community’ was. Taking an active interest in the kids, knowing who they are & what they’re doing, their view on the world, why they think what they think, etc.
I think it’s pretty damn sad that I’m apparently the exception, and that I’m probably sending up some one’s ‘red flags’ because I’m taking an interest in these childrens lives.