Two of them for your displeasure:
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
FISH!!!
And a nice long one:
So, this little boy loved clowns. He lived in a trailer home with his parents (of course), and his room was packed full of clown stuff. It was almost ridiculous how much this kid loved clowns. He had a clown clock, five clown posters, 11 stuffed clowns, a mini vw bug with 32 clowns inside, and this was only a tiny bit of all the clown stuff he had. This little boy’s dream was to one day be a clown, because clowns were the neatest thing ever!
His parents felt sad, though. They could never afford to take the little boy to the circus, where the best clowns were.
On the little boy’s seventh birthday, though, his aunt gave the whole family tickets to the big circus! The little boy wept with joy; he was finally going to see real life circus clowns, and from front row seats, no less!
For the whole week leading up to the circus, the little boy couldn’t even think about anything other than the upcoming chance to meet a real circus clown.
Finally, the big day came. The little boy and his parents went to the circus! They bought popcorn, and cotton candy, and soda-pop, and wow! The circus was great! There were big elephants, and tigers, and women dancing on the backs of horses! The little boy watched all this with joy, but he was eagerly awaiting the clowns.
Then, as the horses were led out of the tent, funny music came on, and a small VW bug drove into the center ring. The little boy gasped as the doors slowly opened, one red shoe popping out. The little boy clapped his hands as the first clown emerged from the little car. The little boy screamed with joy as two more clowns climbed out. When a clown climbed out of the front trunk, the boy bounced and giggled uncontrollably. By the time ten clowns had emerged from the little car, tears of joy were streaming down the little boy’s cheeks (did I mention the little boy loved clowns very much?).
One of the clowns was obviously the leader, and as all the other clowns were running around the ring doing clowny things, this leader gazed thoughtfully across the audience. The little boy clapped when the clown looked at him. The clown smiled and clapped, and all the other clowns fell silent. The leader pulled a microphone out of his shoe, and slowly walked over to the little boy.
The little boy was just as happy as could be. This clown was going to talk to him, he could just tell! The clown stopped right in front of the little boy, patted him on the head, and spoke to him in the microphone: “Hello little boy! Are you the horse’s head?”
The little boy frowned. He didn’t expect this. When the clown stuck the microphone into his face, the little boy could only mutter, “No.”
The clown pulled the microphone away, and, quite loudly, said, “Then you must be the horse’s *ss!!!” The audience broke out in laughter and applause.
The little boy was crushed. When he got home, he tore up all his clown posters. He smashed his clown clock. He burned all his stuffed clowns. You don’t want to know what he did to his little toy VW bug with assorted clowns. The little boy hated clowns. He hated them with a passion. His rage burned inside him with the fury of a thousand fiery furnaces.
Did I mention the little boy hated clowns?
With his one dream of becoming a clown ripped from his fragile fingers and dashed on the concrete sidewalk, the little boy was adrift. He grew up to be a bitter hateful man. The only passion in his life was the fury and rage he held towards clowns. By his 26th birthday, he was living hand to mouth in a tiny trailer, his only food Twinkies and plain wheat flour.
When he woke up on the day of his 26th birthday, however, he had a life-changing realization. He couldn’t live like this forever! He needed to find that one clown and have revenge. So he shaped up, got a steady job, and started taking classes at a small college. These weren’t just any classes, however. These were classes on how to insult others. He took Sarcasm 101, Dry Wit 203, and all the other classes offered. In eight years, he had a doctorate in insulting others. In ten years, he had a professorship, and was a world-recognized leader in putting down others.
He was ready.
The little boy (no longer little or a boy) scoured the internet, he searched through newspapers, and he quetioned hundreds of circus-goers, until he found the one circus with the one clown who had started his obsession. He purchased a ticket for a front row seat to this circus. The purpose of the last ten years of his life was coming to a point, and he was ready for his revenge.
On the day of the circus, he showed up early, got popcorn, cotton candy, and soda-pop. He watched the elephants, the tigers, and the horses, until finally, a very old VW bug slowly motored out into the center ring. The clowns slowly piled out of the VW, until finally a wrinkled, bent old clown slowly shuffled out and started to search the croud for the perfect subject. The man recognized this old clown immediately! Yes, this was the clown, and this clown’s day had come. The man stared at the clown with cold piercing hatred. When the clown’s gaze passed over him, the clown drew back and did a double take. This was the perfect subject.
The clown slowly shuffled up to the man. “Hello there! Are you the horse’s head?” he asked the man.
“No,” the man replied cooly.
The clown turned to the audience and in a loud voice said, “Then you must be the horse’s *ss!”
The man stood up slowly, and in a loud, clear voice that could be heard throughout the circus tent, said:
“F*ck you, clown.”
Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiter!
Anyway, the clown joke is much more fun with a bunch of people asking lots of random stupid questions, especially if there’s only one or two who haven’t heard the joke before.
