lame relationship advice question... what does she mean?

Just my luck, my ex-girl manages to e-mail me on a day when I’m enjoying a rare giant toke. So my cannabis-addled brain can’t make much sense of this very keyboard that I’m typing on, let alone what a woman might mean. (me = :wally)

I was hoping someone could ‘read into’ what she means in the e-mail that she wrote me: I rewrote it just so her own words wouldn’t be online somewhere, but I didn’t change any meaning. It’s all synonyms and order changes.

About what went down: The love and appreciation for each other was mutual. The breakup came mostly from our neglect of our lives outside the relationship.


"I didn’t think that it would be this hard not being able to talk to you. There are times where I sit at the computer and want to email you and ask you questions and tell you about my day, or when I pick up the phone and start to dial your number to tell you about something interesting that happened to me, or an inspired thought I had. But I know that I lost that right when i ended things the way that I did. And I understand that it wouldn’t be fair to you if I did.

I was completely wrong to treat you as I did towards the end. I was completely selfish, and too immature to realize what we had. You were the best boyfriend and friend that I have ever had, and maybe that I ever will.

I wish that I’d treated you the way that you deserved; more like how you treated me. I reminisce and I am appaled at how I treated you, but yet you stuck by me and just loved me. I wish that I could say that I have come to my senses and that I want to get back together (though I know that you don’t) because I know that you would treat me better than anyone else could. But I realize that I am still not mature enough to appreciate everything that you do and to be the girlfriend and friend that you deserve.

I wish you all the happiness in the world and I really hope you find someone that will be able to appreciate the wonderful, caring, generous, amazing person that you are. And I really hope that one day I can know you again because you are the best person I have ever met.

I will always love you and care about you, and please don’t nesitate to call me or email me if you ever need anything…

I’m sorry about everything that I have done to hurt you and make you angry. I never intended for any of this to happen. I am also sorry that I had to write this but it has been weighing on me for too long."

I can honestly say that the mistakes I made within that relationship won’t ever be made again. So this letter has me considering making contact with her again. But I’m not interested in being ‘just friends,’ since I know myself better than that.

That said, a) what does she really mean here?


b) what would you recommend I do about it?

;j Oy Vey!

Did she by any chance have a substance abuse problem during your relationship? This sounds like one of those Twelve Step atone for past mistakes against others letters. (I forget which step it is exactly.) I would take this at face value: she wants you to know she thinks you’re a good person and not to feel bad about the breakup. Nothing more; she’s not asking to get back together. If you respond at all, simply thank her for the kind words and wish her well. Then get on with your own life.

She’s admitting she’s still not able to handle a healthy relationship but wishes she could. Don’t think about trying to work things out, it won’t work out. She wants to possibly stay friends without anything more from it. She misses how good she had it and is telling you so. This is the “you’re a good guy” speech that’s helping her to come to terms with the end. She’s sorting out her feelings and thoughts here, that’s all.

If you keep in contact with her, be prepared to see her date other guys and not you. It will hurt. I don’t envy you that but be honest with yourself, let her be honest now, and time will heal your wounds.

You’re toast. She’s loopy. Move on. Quickly.


  • PW

Thanks to the people who responded.

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I read into it as well.

I still think that I probably could pull it off if I wanted to get back together, but I don’t. So that’s that. I’ve already cut ties, this was just an ‘out of the blue’ thing.


Holy crap! I got one of those from an ex of mine like 2 years ago. Almost verbatim. In my case, it meant she was still looney, she was bored, and she heard how much I was enjoying life (and she wasn’t). I say just give her a quick “Thanks”, then move on. Don’t get more involved than you have to.