Just my luck, my ex-girl manages to e-mail me on a day when I’m enjoying a rare giant toke. So my cannabis-addled brain can’t make much sense of this very keyboard that I’m typing on, let alone what a woman might mean. (me = :wally)
I was hoping someone could ‘read into’ what she means in the e-mail that she wrote me: I rewrote it just so her own words wouldn’t be online somewhere, but I didn’t change any meaning. It’s all synonyms and order changes.
About what went down: The love and appreciation for each other was mutual. The breakup came mostly from our neglect of our lives outside the relationship.
Quoth the NAME WITHHELD
"I didn’t think that it would be this hard not being able to talk to you. There are times where I sit at the computer and want to email you and ask you questions and tell you about my day, or when I pick up the phone and start to dial your number to tell you about something interesting that happened to me, or an inspired thought I had. But I know that I lost that right when i ended things the way that I did. And I understand that it wouldn’t be fair to you if I did.
I was completely wrong to treat you as I did towards the end. I was completely selfish, and too immature to realize what we had. You were the best boyfriend and friend that I have ever had, and maybe that I ever will.
I wish that I’d treated you the way that you deserved; more like how you treated me. I reminisce and I am appaled at how I treated you, but yet you stuck by me and just loved me. I wish that I could say that I have come to my senses and that I want to get back together (though I know that you don’t) because I know that you would treat me better than anyone else could. But I realize that I am still not mature enough to appreciate everything that you do and to be the girlfriend and friend that you deserve.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and I really hope you find someone that will be able to appreciate the wonderful, caring, generous, amazing person that you are. And I really hope that one day I can know you again because you are the best person I have ever met.
I will always love you and care about you, and please don’t nesitate to call me or email me if you ever need anything…
I’m sorry about everything that I have done to hurt you and make you angry. I never intended for any of this to happen. I am also sorry that I had to write this but it has been weighing on me for too long."
I can honestly say that the mistakes I made within that relationship won’t ever be made again. So this letter has me considering making contact with her again. But I’m not interested in being ‘just friends,’ since I know myself better than that.
That said, a) what does she really mean here?
b) what would you recommend I do about it?
;j Oy Vey!