Large penii (dick) jokes....Dont you just get a kick out of 'em?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

:smiley:

Hopefully this is not a taboo topic or one that will cause much concern from the moderators…but…I just cant resist the opportunity to add to my collection of dick jokes. I just happen to find dick jokes hugely (pardon the pun) funny!!!

So, share with me some of your favorite dick jokes or one liners which you find funny, amusing or, as is the case with myself, factual!!! (I couldnt resist!!!)

  1. My dick is so big it has a lobby and elevators.

  2. My dick is so big it has mile markers and rest stops.

  3. My dick is so big, it has four smaller dicks orbiting around it.

  4. My dick is so big, it’s head is always covered in snow.

  5. My dick is so big, an expedition has been organized to find the head.

  6. My dick is so big, it leaves a womans vagina with more stitches than Frankenstein. (Kool G. Rap gets credit for that one…)
    O.K. people…share…discuss…elaborate…lie…whatever…

Later…

2

You’ve got to be dicking me…

3

Seriously,

I’m not dicking around…

Later…

4

Two men go hiking in the woods, about 2 hours into it they mutually agree it’s time for a pit stop. So they stop on the bank of a small stream and relieve themselves. Not wanting to create an akward silence the first man says “Boy this water’s cold!” the second man says “Yeah, deep too…”

5

N N No, I d d do don’t.
:wink:

6

I do that everytime I’m using a urinal. Not one trip to the bathroom get’s by without me proclaiming that the water is cold, deep and has a sandy bottom.

Maybe I’m just a childish freak, but that stuff still cracks me up at the age of 33. My wife doesnt think this stuff is too funny…but…she understands that I’m just a kid at heart.

Here’s more…

  1. My dick is so big, it can only be deep-throated by a giraffe.

  2. My dick is so big, it has it’s own dick…and my dick’s dick is bigger than yours. (Drew Carrey gets credit for this one…)

  3. My dick is so big, it has it’s own transit system.

  4. My dick is so big, it’s the 51st state.

  5. A woman once told me that she wanted a man with a 9 inch dick…my reply…“I fold my dick for no woman!!”
    Later…

7

  1. My dick is so big they made a movie called “Godzilla Vs. My Dick!!”

  2. My dick is so big that when you buy drinks, you can get them in four sizes, Small, Medium, Large, and My Dick.

8

Hey, I don’t mean to brag, but I lost my right leg to gangrene… I get around ok, though :wink:

9

My dick is so big, it’s in the other room making us drinks.

My dick is so big, it provides shelter for a family of four.

My dick is so big, I’m getting laid in Missouri (I live in Saskatchewan)

10

  1. My dick is so big, it’s got it’s own zip code.

  2. My dick is so big, it makes other dicks call it’s secretary for appointments.

  3. My dick is so big, it makes people call it “Mr. Dick”.

  4. My dick is so big, airliners have to be rerouted around it.

  5. My dick is so big, Jack Nicholson claims it as a friend. And Brad Pitt, too.

Tripler
That’s it. I’m petered out. . .

11

Where’s WeirdDave and his Enormously Enlarged Penis when you need him?

12

My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a french tickler.

My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.

(more Drew Carey)

13

My dick’s so big, it drives and I ride shotgun.

My dick’s so big, it drives a motorcycle with a sidecar for my balls.

My dick’s so big, it lifts weights while I’m doing cardio.

My dick’s so big, it bitch-slapped Ron Jeremy.

My dick’s so big, it gets upgraded to First Class when I fly.

My dick’s so big, that the Great Wall of China is jealous.

My dick’s so big, that when I went to Minneapolis, it went to St Paul… and that was on a COLD day!

My dick’s so big, that it’s getting it’s own sitcom on the WB.

14

There’s one or two in here:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19152

15

Slightly different approach…

my girlfriend told me to give her nine inches and make it hurt…so I screwed her three times and hit her in the face with a brick.

16

One of my favorites from the linked thread:

My dick is so big you need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.

17

Sorry, I’ve been…er…busy with my wife. :wink:

18

-My dick’s so big that every time I have sex, it’s a threesome… Me, my wife and my dick.

-My dick’s so big that I have to pay extra on the toll-roads.

-My dick’s so big, my wife gave me a hummer… the original, not the H2.

19

My dick is so big it’s in orbit

My dick’s so big you can see it coming a mile away. (heh)

My dick’s so big every time I get hard I pass out.

My dick’s so big it only plays stadiums.

My dick’s so big it has it’s own fake i.d.

My dick’s so big it’s about to click submit for me.

20

My dick is so big it made me type “it’s” instead of “its.”

My Dick is so big I wear it as a tie.

My Dick is so big it’s spelled with a capital D.

My Dick is so big it named me.

My Dick is so big it gets comped rooms in Vegas.

My Dick is so big that if you look up “big” in the dictionary, it just says “see lightingtool’s Dick”