hahahaha… omg… hahahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH… hehe… heh… he. he…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Peta Tzunami *
**
Feline Immunodeficiency Virus is ** FIV** (in the same family with FeLV); I’ve never heard it called FIDS. Not sure what your point was regarding it (were you joking?) since (a) it is not transmittable to humans and (b) most research I’ve read indicates that communication or transmission of the virus between cats results mainly through biting not sexual conduct. Cite.
How about some Piddle Pants would help. (You must see them to believe them…) **[/QUOTE
I think you’re taking Matt a little too seriously…
But Cats magazine referred to it as FIDS, the result of FIV (in the same way AIDS is the result of HIV)
HAHAHA.
I’m glad my cats are outdoor cats and never sit on people.
I * so * agree with Ruffian
Aside from one errant situation involving Ashley, ( who had “issues” ) and Lucia ( who was insane and clawed deep weals through my hands when she sat on my lap ), ALL of the cats I have ever lived with have been males.
Now and again one will paw the blankets and arch his back in the universal feline body language that says, " oh man, I’m in LOOOOOOOVE". Fortunately for general household cleanliness, none of them has ever reached the Moment Of Feline Delights. 
Desk Monkey, I’d suggest going for the ultra-sound and finishing the job. I’ve got tears in my eyes from the more outlandish offerings in this thread ( gotta love the SDMB ), but seriously- your cat is going into heat, and either you will accept that, or have the fix fixed.
On a lighter note, one hears tales down near the docks about long seagoing voyages. The crew wanted to keep down the randiness in all quarters, and so used to leave bits of fish scrap around the decks that was rolled in ** saltpussy**. Apparently this quenched the feline * urges d’amour*.
I can’t believe I just wrote that.
Cartooniverse
Humph. At least Hastur appreciates my spry sense of humour. 
When I was watching a friend’s (female, spayed in puppyhood) dog for her, she took to humping my (male, neutered in kittenhood) cat when she thought I wasn’t looking. It was hilarious to see this golden retriever/doberman mix dog sidle up to an ancient, 8-pound tabbycat and grab him with one front paw, but I had to put a stop to it. It upset my cat for hours.
I decided to adopt a kitten last September. Instead, a young adult female cat adopted ME. She had the sniffles, so I said that I’d take her home and nurse her back to health rather than let the Humane Society do it (or put her down), and get her spayed after she was over her sniffles.
Before she’d recovered enough to get spayed, she went into heat. Did I mention that she’s Siamese? Siamese are noted for their voices. A Siamese queen in heat is excruciating for all involved.
We also have a neutered adult male cat in our home, we had him clipped when he was just a baby, only a few months old. He’d never shown any signs of arousal or sexual interest. The female cat, however, wasn’t letting him get away with THAT excuse. She threw herself down in front of him and apparently drew him a picture. He managed the straddling, the kneading, the neck biting…however, he apparently couldn’t manage an erection, which left the female cat even MORE frustrated than before. She turned her attentions to my husband, my daughter, me, random pieces of furniture…and kept giving the male cat “one more chance to do it RIGHT”, to no avail.
She’s spayed now, but let me tell you, when a Siamese queen is in heat, nobody gets any sleep. She and the male cat are content to be just “best buddies” now, rather than frustrated lovers.
And we don’t have to worry about kittens, thigh or otherwise.
I’m gonna name my next cat Mexican Boobs regardless of its gender. 
[sub]I’m sure my wife will agree…[/sub]
I suppose I’m the only one who thought from reading the thread title that the cat was dead?
~wipes cat hair off after falling out of chair~
HAAA! After looking at those, I think I need some PiddlePants. That is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen!! I hope they come with instructions on how to wrangle Kitty into them and some antibiotics for when you’ve failed miserably. Am I mistaken or is there a little red bow on the back . . . to make them . . . pretty???
Well, I haven’t had any more interludes with The Cheech, but don’t think he’s stopped trying. All night he marches around on me, humming Barry White songs. (Oddly Lynn, he sounds a lot like a female Siamese when he does this.)
When we first got him at 6 or 7 months (in my defense, he was already named Chi-Chi when he showed up) he was trying to hump the other two cats (two gorgeous, but chaste girls) and we had him fixed as soon as we could. He seems to have stopped bugging the other cats (unless they’re sneaking off to the porch when no one is looking), so we assumed that the One-Nutted Wonder was taken care of. Oh well, back to the drawing board (or the butcher’s block, as the case may be).
Let me just say that this thread has had me in hysterics for days, the SDMB is truly a fountain of funny.
BWAHAHAHAHA Barry White songs. I swear.
Not for nothing, but it sounds like The Cheech is getting the short end of the stick here. He’s just following his DNA-proscribed pattern of behavior. I think it takes a lot of testicular fortitude to make the move on The Owner, and I for one would like to stand up and applaud his …uh…chutzpah? ( I can’t bring myself to write it. I just can’t. I’m sorry. )
Hey, at least he didn’t go for a surprise “Money Shot”
or god forbid drag you over to the litter box for a little “Dirty Sanchez” action.
Hey, it seems Piddle Pants are no longer available. Obviously, there have been substantial amounts of desperate cat-owners lurking at the SDMB, waiting in agony for someone brave enough to post what none of them dared to do.
Owners against overesexed felines: “No means no, or, failing that, a squirt bottle.”