Laws of Physics:1 Getting nookie:0 (TMI warning)

Let’s see…ooh, I got one!

OK, so me and this girl were going at it missionary style in her dorm room. Now, this was summer, and she was there for some kind of school job, so she was allowed to stay in her room. Since she was the only one there, and it was a double, she pushed the two bed together to make a larger bed. So during mid-missionary, my thrusts were so hard that the two beds split apart and we kinda fell between the beds. They didn’t get far enough for us to go all the way down, we just kinda got our sides into the crack, with the other side sticking out the top. We pulled ourselves out, finished up, put the beds back togeth, and went at it again shifted 90 degrees so that incident couldn’t happen again.

Geez, honeydewgrrl, I have almost the exact same anecdote.

Mine was in 1990, though. White Irish lass-- check. (Irish surname, short-cropped red hair, magnificent wide ass. Truly, a wonder.

Anyway, I was on my back crosswise on her big ol’ brass bed, and she was astride. As she was coming, she leaned back too far and fell off the bed, ending up on the plush carpet giggling her ass off.

Here’s where differing anatomy changes the tone of our tales a bit: It hurt like a bastard. She only weighed about 130 pounds, but it was more than enough to do me a mischief. Although I laugh now when I remember the way she unsuccessfullly tried to suppress her bellylaughs after she realized I was hurting, it was all I could do to keep from crying at the time.

Extreme TMI: I had an ugly quarter-inch wide blood-blister across the top of the base of my cock for weeks. I swear I thought I was ruined for life. :smiley:

It was worth it, all things considered.

Well, its probably not surprising that my first experience (which happened recently) was also full of its share of foibles-

I have always been troubled what would best be described as performance anxiety. When I finally did have sex, the sensation was just so different from what I was accustomed to that things were a little difficult at first just trying to be adequately aroused enough to stay hard. Oh, I enjoyed it plenty, its just the equipment downstairs didn’t seem to be responding as, ah, enthusiastically as I had hoped :wink:

So anyway we were trying different positions, trying to find something we’d both be comfortable with. We were going doggy style and I guess I was kneeling in a bad position or something; finally everything feels great and everythings working the way it should be. The cruise ship is heaving, we’re rocking, screaming and moaning and having a good old time…then I get hit with the mother of all charley horses. My leg hurt forhours after that, which kind of sucked since it killed the moment for me anyway, and that was the last night of nookie. :frowning:

A couple of rules my wife and I discovered back when sex involving automobiles a) was possible and b) seemed like a good idea.

Rule One: When having sex in a car,

a) Set the parking brake

b) Align the car parallel to the edge of the ravine next to which you’ve parked

c) Be glad, having ignored a & b, that the car was rented.

Rule Two: When having sex **on the hood ** of a car, let the engine cool off first. Idiots.

Nearly 25 years ago, as a prelude to more contact-oriented foreplay, the Mrs. & I were chasing each other around the apartment. I think that, maybe, it was a water fight – doesn’t really matter, other than we were naked, giggling, and having a good time.

Having a good time until I came bounding down the stairs after my brunette lovely, and forgot to duck. See, the ceiling for the living room met the ceiling of the stairs at a sharp angle, and I’m too tall for that spot.

SLAM! Knocked flat on my back, into the cat litter box, blood pouring out my forehead. Quickly dressing, call to the neighbor, trip to the ER, and it was several days before I felt like fooling around again.

Physics: 1,** Nookie:** 0

d) when choosing an isolated spot, ignore the business district. The police patrol those. ;(

Silicone? Is that a leg?

Pepper Mill and I managed to utterly destroy a steel bedframe with our rhythm once. It stopped things briefly, while we adjourned to a more hospitable location. Nobody was hurt, so the score was 1:1.

The wife and I were getting freaky in a Bed and Breakfast one time, and had the slats fall out of the four poster bed we were doing the deed on…

My ex and I broke the bed once, too. Totally hilarious, but we never broke rhythm, even while we were giggling!

I’ve got 4 words for you.

top drawer dishwasher safe

As you can see, this is a key feature for me. :smiley:

I suppose more delicate, muted monkey-sex is required when antiques are involved.


I’m almost willing to wager $5 that there is such a newsgroup…

Washing your silicone toys in the dishwasher… that is so not kosher…

“Impetuous!” – Michaleen Flynn, The Quiet Man.

Just following the instructions

I find it to be quite awesomely convenient, but then I’m just a perverted sexual deviant.

Uh, if you pervert a sexual deviant, what do you end up with? A sexual conformist? A sexual contortionist? Or a sexual cartoonist?

Ahhhhh. Now I see why you fell off the bed.

You must have filled the detergent dispenser with Cascade.


Almost forgot my story:

Ex-girlfriend and I were out in the woods getting back to nature. We were semi-surrounded by a horseshoe shaped thicket of bushes. It was a sperm-of-the-moment decision, so we just dropped our pants and went at it.

I somehow moved enough that I rolled my foot on a rock…with my pants around my ankles…causing me to completely lose my balance and fall into the bushes. Fortunately I, um, disengaged in time to spare my GF the same fate.

Oh, and the bushes?

Brambles. Thorny brambles.

Multiple scrapes for me, convulsing semi-naked laughter for her.

We finished up at another spot (after she checked the area of any potential hazards, still laughing), so…

Physics 1, Nookie 1

Tell me that’s a real web site…

Yes, but then did your new spouse suddenly decide to ask his parents/your new in-laws if they “have an extra bedframe? We broke ours.”?!

I’m confused by the use of a condom on a strap on.

It’s so that you can share.