Laws of Physics:1 Getting nookie:0 (TMI warning)

Once upon a time, a couple of virile young dykes were attempting to take a tumble in the sheets…Ok, I was one of them…

Without digressing too far into the realm of sex-toy degree of difficulty, let’s just say that I was “strapped in”…which is always a Physics experiment.

After a good spell of getting hot and sweaty, I attempted to lean back on my haunches to catch my breath…and promptly fell backwards off the end of the bed in a blur of elbows, knees, white Irish ass, leather straps and silicone. Add one very loud series of thuds and a few choice phrases, and you have one of my more entertaining memories.

Tear-streaming, hee-hawing laughter is really a mood killer…

So who else has a story of being on the wrong side of gravity at a key moment?

At last, the answer to the eternal question: “What do lesbians do in bed?”

Fall off


The wife and I were having sex, when she decided she wanted to change from missionary to doggie style. I stood up, and promptly got hit in the head a whole bunch of times by the celing fan. A few minutes later I awoke with a headache, and my naked sweaty wife crying over my prone body.

Later on that evening I did get the nookie, without any knots on the head.

Physics: 1 Nookie: 1

Note to self: Never rise higher than knees whilst in bed. Check.

Damn, rob my head hurts just reading that.
honeydewgrrl I’m just WAGging here, but tell us…
You didn’t start laughing really hard until you looked up from your landing, and saw the silicone bobbing in the breeze, as it were, right?

[sub]I have this image of a woman in a heap on the floor, up against the foot of the bed, butt over her head, strap-on waving like a flagpole in a high wind…[/sub]

:stuck_out_tongue: Ha. Touche to the cliche… I do have lots of entertaining stories in direct answer to that question, but I have to pace myself and not give away all my good stuff at once. And I also risk being hunted down and tortured by my exes if they knew what I was doing…

Great story :slight_smile: And that is the best possible concussion treatment I’ve ever heard of.

The true moment was when I realized that said silicone (plus lube and condom…I’m a safety grrl) was not only bobbing, but also covered with cat hair. I saw the dust bunnies peeking out with interest from under the bed, but I was thankfully able to unwind my ankle from the comforter in time to elude them.

Your image is probably pretty accurate…though I don’t think there were any eye-witnesses to anything other than the fall itself. My landing was thankfully hidden from her view by the mattress, or we may never have been able to have sex again, due to the giggle-button factor.

No fair making me laugh like that at work – this thread would be kinda hard to explain in a way that didn’t violate our various policies.


9.9 from the French judge.

Cheap shagpile carpet is highly unrecommended in the nookie department. Rug burns on the knees for days. And did I learn my lesson? No. Mind you, the second time, the sex was so good, I didn’t notice that my legs had blood smeared all over them for a couple of hours.

Tapioca…so how would you count your score? It sounds like the quality might have tipped the scales to

Physics : 2 Nookie :2

or at least

Physics : 2 Nookie :1

I suppose it depends on if the shag carpet and rug burns contributed in any way to the quality. It seems to me that shag does offer something to hold onto :wink:

I might as well repeat the often told story of me, the speaker, the concussion and sex.

My at the time GF and I were busy when all of a sudden while she was thrashing around her leg caught a speaker wire.

Now, this was in college and I had some shelves above the head of my bed… on the top most shelf were my rear channel speakers for my stereo. She manged to pull the speaker wire, yanking the speaker off the shelf and brained me.

Brained me good.

She did apologize in a most agreeable fashion.

So Physics 1 Nookie 1 (or more than one considering we were concluding the evening)

Needless to say at the next of my floor’s biweekly poker games I had a lot of explaining to do… I had the room next to the lounge we played in and apparently the noises comming from my room were stranger than normal that night.

Ya know in retrospect, I’ve recieved a LOT of injuries from sex.

honeydewgrl, Thank you, now I must clean the Pepsi off of my computer screen…

Not what I was expecting to see in a TMI thread, and that is a good thing.

Stairs are bad um-kay!

I’m a horrible klutz and we manage something that makes us end up in a fit of giggles quite often… and I’ve gotten my knees stuck in the recliner once or twice.

Most of the hilarity ensues when we try anything that involves standing as there are not enough phone books to make up for the foot difference in our heights. Also wet people in a tub get poor traction!

I was doing okay until I reached the words “cat hair”. At which point some screen cleaning was required…

Well, that’s why you’re supposed to wear the rubber boots.

I think the frictional forces from the carpet were exquisitley balanced by the frictional forces … elsewhere :wink: . Alas, all I had to grab onto was a leather sofa (I’ll refrain from drawing a diagram).

Gawd at first glance, I thought you said you’d refrain from drawing a diaphram!

I need to go home and attack the future Mr. Contrary :stuck_out_tongue:

Why you should unfold the futon first…
Me and my partner were going at it missionary style on his folded up futon - didn’t want to take the time to unfold it, after all :wink:

My legs are up so my feet are on his shoulders, he’s thrusting away and which each thrust he’s pushing me backwards, towards the armrest of the futon - a simple upside down L shaped metal bar.

We keep going and I keep sliding backwards until my head slides completely under the bar. Luckily for me (and him), he came before I got stuck.

We did have a case of the giggles over the potential 911 call later on. Me stuck in the futon naked except for a garter belt, the police bringing the Jaws of Life, the possibility of pictures being taken and ending up on, would I punch him once I was freed, etc.

He’s a lucky bastard.

Shameless bump :cool:

There’s gotta be more good stories out there…

If you lost your center of gravity then you need to move the strap-on lower, like down to your groin.

Plus, look how much easier it is to breathe now.


It wasn’t the carnal act that sent me sprawling, just a wee bit of disorientation as to where the end of the bed was when I came up for air…