Several years ago: A woman I was seeing thought it was funny or romantic to suck on my tongue. I don’t mean just a little. I mean that she thought it was hot to try to suck it right out of my mouth. One night she sucked it so hard that she tore the membrane connecting it to my jaw. I was spitting up blood for an hour.
Yesterday: GF and I were making out. She was getting pretty passionate and grabbed the collar of my t-shirt, gave it a 180-degree twist, and pulled me close into her. Only it wasn’t just collar that she grabbed. There was a significant amount of neck involved as well.
Wasn’t me but I had an old girlfriend who in the midst of an orgasm, lost her balance, fell off me, and whacked her head against the wall my bed was next to.
Ahh, good ol’ Shaggy Maggie. I introduced a friend, and they were having sex within the hour. We hear a scream that sounded much more painful than the rest, so we burst into the room to find her head bleeding and him holding a paper towel to help stop the bleeding. Apparently, the speaker on his dresser, which was at the foot of the bed, vibrated off and landed on her head. Like drachillix’s girl, she quickly ushered us out of the room so she could keep going.
My story isn’t quite as exciting, but it hurt even worse. I was having sex in the back of my truck, doing all I could to get enough leverage to thrust. My foot came forward, and my toe dropped into the crack between the bed and the tailgate. With my newfound grip, I thrust as hard as I could, breaking my big toe in the process.
This has actually happened a couple of times since, but the first and most dramatic was on our honeymoon (specifically in our hotel in Edinburgh).
Something about my wife: when she coughs or sneezes, she doesn’t do half measures; she puts her whole body into it. So there we were, honeymooning enthusiastically, when she coughed. Dear lord did she coughed. I have no idea what actually happened physiologically; all I know is that one second everything was going along fine, then a giant fist clamped down on my manhood and thrust it out of her violently. Violently enough that it decided that it was done for the nonce and went into the corner to sulk. No lasting harm, but it did put a damper on the proceedings.
I’ve broken a bedframe. Not much of a story, we were going at it and suddenly we were several inches closer to the floor. I’ve had leg cramps, gotten rug burn, scraped my knuckles against a wall, and gotten fingernail scratches (on the inside). And that’s the accidental stuff. Whilst engaging in BDSM, I’ve received tons of bruises and a few welts that were either intentionally inflicted, or a predicable outcome of the activities we were engaging in. No lasting marks from that seriously awesome flogging my boyfriend gave me a couple weeks ago, though.
Once when I was a freshman, still living in a dorm with a lofted bed, Lady Soul and I were engaging in num num makeout time approximately six and a half feet in the air. I shifted, the better to engage, and rolled off of the loft.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had just hit the floor. As it was, there was a metal director’s chair directly next to my bed, and the protective cap of one of the uprights supporting the back had popped off. I impaled my ass, about three inches to the left of my pre-made orifice. Blood everywhere. The trip to the student health center was humiliating. The doctor (a lady, which made me even more self conscious) bent me over a table, I pulled down my shorts, and she burst into laughter. Then she leaned out into the hallway and grabbed a passing nurse, saying “Oh my god, you’ve got to see this.”
And to think, I had alllllllmost forgotten about that.
You always hear about stuff like that, but does it really happen–doctors laughing hysterically at injuries sustained by patients…you’d think it would be some violation of ethics or professional conduct.
Um, yeah.
I actually had what you’d call a “broken penis” that happened during a rather aggressive game of “ring toss”, if you know what I mean.
Black and blue and very sore for about two months. My scrotum also filled with fluid and became very large and the skin taught. Erections were out of the question for about a month and sex was not allowed for about two. When we (we being me and my reproductive bits) finally worked up the courage to fornicate again the sensation was entirely different than I remembered, everything was amplified including the orgasm. The healing tissue and nerves being still delicate were overwhelmed with stimuli. It was almost better than before, but certainly not worth the trauma. This time there was no freelance sexual positions, everything was choreographed to the tiniest move and angle. Nothing was chanced.
I was able to resume normal sexual relations about 6 months after the injury but I’m still leery about that particular position 14 years later.
Greek Physician: Therre’s nothing in this Oath about not laughing at the patients.
Hippocrates: I considered it, but then I’d have to keep a straight face when someone drinks olive oil ionstead of wine, or gets stuck in an amphora. And that’s the only entertainment I get anymore.
Mosquito bites from various “incidents” in sparsely populated wooded areas. I also hit my head on a headboard once, and have fallen off the bed once during “happy fun time” with the ex-Mr. Lucky.
so I must be doing it wrong.