I made a thread here probably 7-8 months ago which outlined (in great detail) my long distance relationship. I’ll give you a brief summary of things and where they stand now and you can interpret it from there.
I live near Pittsburgh, she lives near Toronto. We met online almost 2 years ago and have been hitting it off ever since. I’ve visited her maybe 10-12 times, and her first visit is coming up this May. I asked her to marry me about a month ago and she said yes. I’m totally thrilled!
That said, her parents have NEVER been supportive of this entire ordeal. Ever. In fact, she lived at home (she is 27, I’m almost 24) for the first 6-7 visits and they never even knew about them. They are of Maltese descent and very religious/traditional. They know of me, but as far as I know, they don’t think any contact has taken place.
Fast forward to when she moved out. That was an ordeal in itself, but she knew that the only way this would work is if she moved out on her own. She’s a vet tech making ends meet in a cheap basement (though nice) of her landlord’s home. She loves the freedom, but she goes home probably 3 weeks of the month on the weekend. She works on Saturday, so this is mostly just Saturday evening/most of Sunday.
She has no car so the visitations have been fairly one-sided. Up there, taking the bus everywhere is not terribly uncommon, and with gas being probably the equivalent of $5/gallon, she wouldn’t really be able to afford a car. Megabus recently added a line directly to Pittsburgh from Toronto, so she booked that for a meager $2.50. I’m sure it won’t be a luxury trip, but it’ll get her here, so we’re thrilled about that.
She wants to tell her folks that she is coming here. She plans on telling them of the engagement when she returns. The problem? Her mother basically freaked out when she moved out 4-5 months ago. I can’t imagine how this is going to go over. It was basically manipulative threats (ie: “Your dad doesn’t love me, I’ll hurt myself, blah blah blah”), and unfortunately she almost caved into the pressure if I had not been there to support her in the decision.
I’m sure I missed some details, so feel free to ask questions, but how do you think she should present this to her mother? Keep in mind, she seems to care deeply for her parents in spite of their lack of support for her doing anything that doesn’t involve living at home forever. They seem to be very co-dependent, and she has had a habit of indulging that. Moving out was a huge step, and a necessary one, but I hate to see what reaction this will get.