Learning How to Breathe

The BBQ Pit
21

Whew, Stephi. First, I want to reiterate what a lot of people are saying here: You have just had your feet set on a new and healthier path, and will come out the better for it.

You’re out of the Cold War, out of a stale relationship, and finished hiding out because you feel like a failure. You WILL get through this, and life will be so much better with out the SoS*.

He, on the other hand, will be living in Texas with an ugly, snaggletoothed woman who doesn’t even have a golden retriever to help her deal with her unhappy choice in men.

If you need to talk, I’ve been in very similar shoes, and I’m usually around. Meanwhile, I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way.

breathe in… breathe out…

Best,
karol

22

Damn…these stories bring tears to my eyes.

I’ve been there, and I second what bodypoet says. You WILL feel better. I just wish it could be an instantaneous better, instead of having to wait for it. Hold on!

23

Stephi, I’m new to the boards but wanted to chime in with a “This too shall pass” sentiment. A close friend of mine repeated that to me over and over when I was going through a horrible breakup years ago. It was annoying and comforting at the same time. The good news is that you don’t die from the pain of ending relationships. Of course, that’s also the bad news.

Try Oxyclean or one of its variants on the carpet stain. It gets out anything.

24

Start selling the stuff on eBay! Seriously, if the memories of him and the item are stronger than you and the item, then ditch it for something else.

25

Am I the only person wondering if the daughter is really his?

I mean if J is the sort to have a long distance affair with a married man she could easily have had several boyfriends at the time. She got knocked up and probably asked whoever she thought had the most dough to come and raise the kid with her. I also wonder if he was asked first?

Stephi You should realize that you are in fact breathing. You don’t need to learn how to breath because you already know. Your salvation is within you. Everything you need, you have, in abundence.

I say leave the stain on your rug, just get the stain out of your life.

26

Zebra, they’re not married. They were just living together. (re OP). Still the guy was in a “committed” relationship, or so our dear Stephi thought.

Sorry, Ferret Herder, didn’t mean to insult your pets. Would a big pile of steaming rhinocerous doo doo be more accurate?

And Stephi, may I suggest you leave the vomit stain on the floor for a bit, to remind yourself how lucky you are? And let it represent the expulsion of all your feelings for him. Then, when you have moved on and he’s calling you collect at 3 in the morning, begging your forgiveness, replace the carpet.

Live well, baby!

27

Stephi, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I know exactly what you’re talking about with the “Breakup Roller Coaster” – at least with a real roller coaster, you can see the ups and downs coming. Although I’m not an official Montrealer, I was at Sugardope, so consider me part of the crew that’s there for you.

28

I’m so sorry Stephi! Wish I could say something to help. I’ve been through devastating heartbreak regarding a boyfriend also (went throught the whole sleeping 18 hours a day wanting to die thing).

It will end, and you will feel better, I promise. But for right now? Do anything you need to to feel better, (even if it’s sleeping 18 hours a day).

hugs!

29

I felt I had to respond to all of you personally, I couldn’t do any less.

Thanks. That was pretty funny.

daerlyn I just want to get on with things, that’s all.

detop Thanks, but I really don’t want him hurt, I’m just not that kind of person.

ratty Thanks, I’m really afraid I’ might get bitter or something over this. It’s good to know I’m not there yet. And like I said, I take dog ownership very seriously, and I think if everyone who wanted to get a dog just thought for a moment before they rushed out and bought one, we’d have less dog in shelters, on the streets, etc.

ivylass I don’t feel like celebrating yet, too much pain. But soon, hopefully.

Ferret Herder I’ll definately look at the breakup girl website when I get a chance. I regret a lot of things about this relationship, and I guess I’ll always have those regrets.

bodypoet Thanks, I know, I have to do this. And I’m hopeful, but a little scared too.

ouisey I wish it could be over quickly too, but people say that time will help, so, I’m hoping it does.
amanita I know, people keep telling me that too. And oxyclean, you say? I might try that. :slight_smile:

tuckerfan I couldn’t sell all of his stuff, I just couldn’t. I’m putting it in the garage and basement for now.

Zebra I assumed he knew for sure. I really don’t know, now that you mention it. But the timing is right, she had the baby almost exactly nine months after he left for Texas the first time. But it’s possible it’s not his, I really don’t know for sure. Right, I’m working on locking the stain out of my house.

30

Please don’t call yourself stupid or a failure; good people get taken advantage of all the time in this sucky world - it doesn’t make you stupid or a failure. One thing I would suggest - use telling other people about your relationship as a weathervane for how healthy it is. If you feel like you are embarrassed to tell your friends and family about how things are going, that pretty much means they’re not going well, and it’s time to sit down and give it a good, hard look.

Be easy on yourself. Be well. Do some research on grieving (because that’s what you are doing now), and make sure you give yourself all the time you need to get it all out.

31

Hey- I just went through something real similar- if you need to talk my email and yahoo handles are on my profile somewhere- I wish you luck, and remember what goes around comes around. he will get his in the end

32

Fine, then get someone else to sell it for you. I’m serious about this, the absolute last thing you want is to have that stuff handy when you get the crying jags (and you will) some months down the road. Sell it, burn it, throw it out, it doesn’t matter, just get rid of it. Emotionally, you’ll feel better, additionally, if he ever decides he “wants” any of it back, you can tell him its gone. This’ll make it harder for him to try and weasle his way back into your life, and easier for you to tell him to get bent. (And, yeah, I am speaking from experience here.)

33

Stephi, I just saw this now. I’m so sorry! I guess you won’t have really good memories surrounding SugarDope :wink:

But really, if you ever want to take a break and a fun trip, Montreal is only 2 hours away and we are party animals here.

Good luck in feeling better.

34

M

35

I have to second Tucker here–either sell the stuff, torch it or ship it to his folks. It’ll have a cleansing effect and help you heal up.

36

I’m going to respond to you all, darn it, just give me a chance to catch up!

Ivylass Yeah, we were together almost eight years. I think I may have to have the carpet replaced anyway. Oh well.

JeffB I’m glad to be rid of him one moment, and a wreck the next. So yeah, I’m definitely riding that roller coaster.

CanvasShoes I’m actually having trouble sleeping, hopefully thing will even out in a little while.

featherlou I feel like a failure. I really do. There are so many things I could have done differently, so many choices I screwed up. I’m not trusting my decision making abilities at this time. I’m too shock up right now, hopefully time will make things better.

Deadly Nightlight I can’t wish bad things on him. I don’t know, maybe that comes later, or maybe it’s just the way I am.

Tuckerfan There’s a lot of stuff that we bought together, so who owns what? It’s more complicated than throwing out his CD’s. But having his parents pick up his stuff, that’s an idea, I might try that.

LaurAnge Unfortunately, no. :frowning: I think it was probably the worst weekend of my life. I’m sorry, that sounds really bad, and it’s not anyone’s fault, really, it’s just crappy luck.

Wabbit Like I said, it’s harder that it would seem. My friends say I should just keep everything. :slight_smile: But I can’t do that.

37

It’s amazing how one person can take your heart and rip it out and stop on it and make you feel so very, very bad.

The only thing I can say is that I’ve been there, and it gets better.

After a month it will still sting.

After 6 months you’ll be bitter.

After 1 year you’ll be dispondant.

After 18 months you’ll start to feel a bit better.

After 2 years, this will be over. His power over you will be done.

Mark it in your calender and plan a party. You will get through this and when you do, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Hang in there. :slight_smile:

38

Simple answer: Whomever gets to it first. My Answer: It’s yours, you’re the injured party in this instance, so you get to call the shots. Having his parents get the stuff might be a bad thing. If their the kind of jerkwad parents who’d support their son, no matter what kind of assholish thing he’s done, you’re better off not letting them come over. However, if they admit he’s a shithead and has done you wrong, there’s no problem.

Remember, this isn’t about possession of the items, it’s about your emotional health. Get rid of those things which are strongly linked in your mind with him. It’ll help with the healing process.

39

May the demons that are the Department of Homeland Security make his life a living hell, far moreso than they ever did mine. (Don’t worry, it’ll happen whether any of us wish it on him or not.)

I’m sorry, Stephi. :frowning:

40

Actually, Tucker, I think Stephi’s idea of taking the worm’s stuff to his parents is the best way to go. The last thing she needs is him showing up in a few months, demanding his stuff, and charging her with theft because she tossed it.