Nuked from orbit (It was the only way to be sure)
Hit on head by falling flower pot. Again.
Head-on charge with an anti-elephant.
Chihuahua attack
Having his liver ripped out daily for giving to man the secret of the cream bun.
-Killed by Iraqi Weapon of Mass Destruction;
-Knew Too Much;
-Russian Roulette;
-Brought a Knife to a Gunfight;
-Shot off the Empire State Building;
-Wore Antagonistic Gang Colors in Wrong Neighborhood;
-Messed Around With Jim;
-Rear-ended a Pinto while Driving a Corvair;
-Trichinosis;
-Murdered by Evil Twin.
Cut it out! I can only laugh so much!
Over exertion while running on the SDMB wheel (who approved the change from the hamsters anyways?)
Victim of the Tylenol-cynanide poisoner.
Bad zodiac day.
Went up against a Sicilian when death was on the line.
Succumbed to the knot in his family tree.
Cabbage and Coke. At the same time.
Listened during phone-company line test.
Had amnesia while a member of the French Foreign Legion.
Test pilot of first subterranean orbital attempt.
Unexplained heart attack while touring a wastebasket factory.
Suffocated while covered in silver paint and metal body segments (and the resulting remake of Wizard of Oz went on to be a flop, too).
Attacked by a krayt dragon, became bantha pudu.
Fell off the motorcycle at speed.
Watched Samara’s tape; couldn’t make a copy in time.
Invoked the name of Hastur the Unspeakable.
Snuffed by Bob Crane.
Flea anemia.
Fatal infection from dirty bris knife.
Contracted seven different STDs from Britney Spears.
Became a Security Officer on the Enterprise
during their weekend “marriage”
Fell asleep. Clowns killed.
Tried something. Sam killed him.
Erased by giant No.2 pencil while screaming “WHAT KIND OF SICKOS ARE ANIMATING THIS PICTURE!? WHO’S IN CHARGE HE—”
Sprayed in face with Joker venom.
Snoo-Snoo.
KIA while piloting an “Eva.”
Plankton attack.
Attempted to argue existence of WMDs in Great Debates.
Accidentily sold soul to the Devil a second time.
Hit the button labeled “Do not push this button EVER. This means you!”.
Cabbage and Pepsi. (Didn’t learn the first time.)
Playing With Lasers. While Running. On A Freshly-Waxed Floor.
Removed the wrong DLL when creating space on the C drive.
Too much therapy.
Art Attack!!!
Killed for repeating same jokes given by previous posters.
Cracked skull after falling forward while trying to imitate Munch’s “The Scream.”
Attacked by white tiger in Vegas.
Went swimming too soon after eating.
Locked in un-refrigerated shipping container and abandoned in Arizona desert by “coyotes.”
The Cooler of Death!
Beheaded over the course of three days by Iraqui terrorists working in shifts using a rusty Girl Scout knife.
Botched backroom abortion.
Tainted Spam.
Also:
Wandered into high school biology class after the dissection frogs ran out…
Opened an Anthrax letter.
Anorexia nervosa.
Stopped to fix a flat tire in “the wrong neighborhood.”
Forgot to paint lamb’s blood on his doorpost.
Bataan Death March.
Hit by ceiling beam while subway surfing.
Ooh, weird. I thought about making an anthrax comment after reading your last post.
Stood too close to the tape when it self-destructed. The agency disavowed knowledge.
Watched that weird video that was being passed around in school.
I believe we have a winner.