I got “did anyone email this person?” and then there was an email address that I’ll just leave out. I was hoping for more of a secret of life sort of thing. Maybe I’ll have to go back later.
when I left my URL, I got one for online medications.
are they trying to tell me something?
“Scientist have proven that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population!”
It took me a minute to place this one…
Right on.
I am apparently destined to get lengthy, meandering messages.
"I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’ like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys. I don’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t all go bad. I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn’t improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn’t take that one either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So, I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys. "
I did this a few times, posting all sorts of random crapola, song lyrics, and byproducts of my heat-infested brain.
Not for a second did I expect an answer quite like this one.
Who is taking credit for this work of stark raving genius?
Ok, something is fucked.
Wow, bonus points for the coveted “dead monkey manifesto simulpost”!
My day just got that much creepier.
“A wishbone never takes the place of a backbone. Death to monkeys.”
Which is a little spooky, given that the post I had just finished writing was about how my company is going down the toilet and I am totally unmotivated to do anything and I lack the backbone to just quit.
This is some sort of collective-unconscious-synchronicity-magic-8-ball thing. Cool.
Didn’t Wally write that?
Well I tried again. I got:
“Question Authority.”
How… inspiring. :rolleyes:
Oh geez look what I got
boards.straightdope.com/sdmb You know you want to.
I love this place
boards.straightdope.com/sdmb You know you want to.
All right, who’s the culprit? 
Haha! I got a really true-to-life thought.
Great… Someone left this for me:
It seems familiar somehow.
That would be me.
Is that even true?
Looky looky! 