Just thought I’d share…
Last night I am having a wonderful time with my in-laws and nephews–eating pizza, watching a family movie and having an all around wholesome, Norman Rockwellesque moment.
The phone rings…
It is my younger sister. She is calling long distance to tell me she is pregnant. She is a 20 year old high school drop out who lives with her boyfriend (who has already been in jail twice). She is not emotionally, phsychologically or financially secure enough to have a baby.
I love her but I know that she is not ready to raise a child. She is not sure what she is going to do. I think that she is leaning towards keeping the baby. Her boyfriend told her that he will leave her if she does. She believes that having the baby will “force her to grow up.”
I contrast these two images because my life was anything but Rockwellesque growing up. I feel that I have worked hard and finally reached a point in my life where I have achieved a certain comforting degree of stability. Just when I think that this is so, something like this occurs to remind me that life is going to continue throwing me curveballs --usually pitched by some member of my family.
Before anyone calls me out for being selfish, unfeeling, etc., let me say that I am being as supportive of my sister as I can. I spoke with her for a long time last night and this morning and am trying to offer her the best advice and support that I know how to.
I just would like to live my life for awhile without having to be reminded that half of my family are wingnuts.
Be there for her. Don’t let her take advantage of you but be there for her.
She is probably scared shitless.
Been there done that, and I have helped alot of others through it.
And honey that is what sisters are for. I just had a rant in the pit about my sister and her stalker who she believed kept tabs on her because he loved her.
She toted my nieces all over three states and then went back to him.
Now like you I feel that I have some form of order in my life right about now. Especially when it comes to that kind of drama.
So even though I told her I wasn’t happy with what she was putting my nieces through I would be there for them. But, I also let her know that I wasn’t a form of escape either. She had to face what she was doing to them.
I hope some of this helps you a bit, and if you need to e-mail me. Even if it is just to let off steam and bitch to someone.
Thanks for the response.
That’s exactly what I am trying to do. I’m trying to be there for her. I’ve tried in the past as well. At one time I even offerred to let her live with me if she would work towards finishing high school. My only restrictions were that if she lived with me she would have to either be in school or have a job. She couldn’t get it together enough to do this so she chose not to take me up on it.
I agree that she is scared. She thinks I am disappointed and/or angry at her. More than anything, though, I just feel bad for her. I want her to have the happiest, most fullfilling life possible but she repeatedly makes bad decisions for herself.
I then feel a little sorry for myself because I try to limit that kind of drama in my life. As a child it was full of all sorts of it and now that I have more control over things, I try to have at least a modicum of sanity.
Thanks for understanding!
just don’t let her problems overtake your life and things should maintain some level of sanity.
You’re doing what you can, tevya. Be as supportive and encouraging as you can–without taking her problems on yourself. It’s good that she realizes she needs to grow up, but having a baby as the means is pretty dubious.
It’s damned hard watching someone you love get into problems, but all you can do is love them anyway and help them figure a way out.
Good luck to both of you.