Legal question - can a child ask for a paternity test? (a bit long)

Factual Questions
21

If you had any kind of relationship with your parents I would recommend that you just leave this alone. This is the type of shit-storm that would really cause a ruckus in an intact family.

However, your family isn’t intact, so why not? Do you think it would work to write or call one of your brothers and say, “I suspect that Dad isn’t really my father. Would you be willing to have a DNA test to determine this for sure? After all, if it turns out that I’m right, this would put me one step further away from inheriting anything from the old man – and, as you know, I’ve already been disinherited anyway.” Maybe send the same note to all of them and see if one (or more) of them will bite.

22

Sorry that I missed this response before posting my reply to you - that raises the stakes somewhat, and also demonstrates your motivation to establish paternity (or lack thereof) on your side.

The suggestion that you’ve gotten about going through one of your siblings, as you summarized in your last post, may eventually be the one that’s the most workable. In fact, would it improve your chances of getting a response from one of your brothers if the request came from your doctor - who could frame the issue as one of genetic screening, blah, blah - basically making it less about whether your dad is “dad” than about the health of your prospective child. Also, people sometimes respond more readily to authority figures. Just a thought.

23

To kinda/sorta/maybe answer the OP:
-As a legal adult, most of your parents’ legal obligations to you are ended. Moral obligations are another matter.
-In some states “assumed paternity” is a moot point if the couple is married before the child is born. In other states this “assumed paternity” can be challenged in court and a decision that a paternity test is warranted can be enforced. (I know this because I had to become a minor child’s “Next Best Friend” in order to force the mother (and child) to submit to a paternity test.)
I agree with

24

If you were born in another state you may also have to contact an attorney there.

25

Since there doesn’t seem to be any indication that I can obligate my parents to submit to a DNA test, does anyone know what kind of attorney I would contact to begin to explore this topic? Does this fall under family law?

Also, is there any legal penalty for knowingly keeping the parental identity a secret from the child or the father?

Thanks.

I’m starting to think this may be more trouble than I have anticipated.

26

Go see a lawyer. He’ll be able to tell you, not only whether you can ask for the test, but how long would the “asking for the test” take and whether it would be best to star the proceedings saying “I’d like to be tested vs my Dad, and if he’s deceased by then, vs my bros”.

I know in Spain you’d be able to ask for the test, but don’t think that’s going to be helpful; wrong country and all. I just mention it because what us non-lawyers think the law says and what it says can vary greatly. There’s been several cases here of adults asking for a paternity test “just to clear things up” and the judges always grant it.

{{{{kurahee}}}}

27

Oh please. The real world medical necessity of doing what you are proposing is minor at best, and it is evident your real motive is to initiate a punishing family shit-storm in revenge for getting scorned that will scour the earth.

If you’re going to go to war do it, but don’t use some silly “I’m not a really a vindictive person” fig leaf like the dire “necessity” for charting a family medical history.

28

Try the nearest Law School. Heck, it may be interesting enough to get the profs all worked up :smiley:

(sorry, simulpost)

29

Methinks this chap has it.
There is more at work here than medical issues for some future conception. If you want a really long term health view, you won’t have it with **both **of your parents’ medical histories. What if they die prematurely, at age 70 and your blood line should guarantee that you live to 85…with the most painful case of swollen gonads imaginable? What if your private detective gets the wrong can? What if DNA matches? Something tells me that you wouldn’t be happy with any results. Even if you were right, which you ain’t, do you think that mom will spill her guts? Do you think that she even knows who “dad” is?
Your brain isn’t in the right place.
Get a life.
hh

30

I remember reading that if your parents have a certain blood type (A+ for Mom, B- for Dad), you are limited to a certain blood type.

Here is a link:

http://www.paternityangel.com/Articles_zone/Blood/BloodType2.htm

This might be a little easier, or at least eliminate certain possibilities.

Hope this helps.

31

How do you know you were “conceived” in a psychiatric ward?

32

I would like to know this also. Although it would be a good Stephen King novel, if you knew that, did your father tell you this? I wish I knew where I was conceived, as it would be a great beginning to the novel of my life.

33

Perhaps I worded that a bit awkwardly. I meant she was working there in the **YEAR ** I was conceived. I have no idea *where * I was conceived. It might have been in the back of a Chevy for all I know, or my parent’s bedroom, the couch, or in some whack-a-do’s hospital room. (Boy, that sounds terrible to write about your own mother.)

Sorry for any confusion.

34

Wrong-o astro. You don’t know me. As I said, I should have just asked the question, and not given the details. This came up because my wife and I have been discussing starting a family. Before I met my wife I had my own questions. Now she has hers. There is nothing to gain here but the truth. If you think it’s prudent to have a child who’s biological grandfather was a psychological trainwreck and I could pass those genes to him/her knowingly, well you and I will have to agree to disagree.

I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your personal judgements out of General Questions. If you have a problem, by all means have one. But keep it to yourself.

Any “shitstorm” this will cause will not blow your way (unless, of course, you spent some quality time interned where my mother worked, in which case “Hi, Dad!”). Sometimes, people deal with things in life that you might not have to. Good for you. But not knowing for sure who your father is, I can assure you, is not as simple as wrapping a band-aid on a paper cut.

35

Youthinks wrong.

And as far as getting a life. Try looking in a mirror.

For starters, try responding to GQ’s that you actually have a constructive answer to, not some pseudo-psychobabble that makes you feel better about yourself. If that confuses you, read my answer to astro, and then email each other about how intelligent you both are. You’ve both taken it upon yourself to insult a stranger on a messageboard because you’ve determined my “real” motive. :rolleyes:

High five yourselves in an email and move along.

36

You’ve kind of indicated that your “dad” is a “crazy old man” and “bat-shit crazy” - is there much of a benefit to determining whether he’s the biological grandfather to your unborn (yet-to-be-conceived?) child, or if it’s some other “psychological trainwreck” from a mental institution? Would a definitive answer on this issue (actually only a he’s it or he’s not it) affect your child-bearing plans? I say this with all sincerity, but I’ll re-iterate what I posted before:

At the risk of provoking a heated reply, might I also mention looking again within yourself to identify what specific outcome(s) you are seeking, and how that relates to your now-estranged biological family. Best of luck.

37

You won’t get a heated reply by me. You make a valid point. As I said in a post way above, I should have just stated the question as

The man who I’ve known as my father is all of the things I’ve described in this thread. However, it doesn’t mean he isn’t my father. It also doesn’t mean that if he isn’t, my biological father is any better.

I have one advantage with my current father in that I know his medical history. I know his parents (my grandparents on his side) and I do know some of my great uncles and aunts. So, if my dad turns out to be my dad, well, it is what it is.

Now it was rumored (overheard through a heated argument with my uncle) that my mother was a self-medicating manic depressive herself who used her position in the hospital to “hide her condition”. It was also rumored that she was very fond of a certain staff doctor, who was also married. Maybe this is all bullshit, and my uncle is long since dead, but the possibility exists that someone else is my father. Perhaps this mystery doctor.

The possibility of a patient being my father is the most distasteful of my options because of where my mother worked. These were not your normal, average, run-of-the-mill depressed people. These were criminally insane people, and my mother was a Nurse Ratchett type, from “One Flew Over The Cukoo’s Nest”.

For those of you who question my motives, that’s fine. Financially, I’m out. My parents are both pushing 80 and in bad health. I don’t live near them or my brothers. Any attempt I’ve made to reconcile has been rejected. That’s that. But I’ve always wondered about the truth from time to time. If I never married, I probably wouldn’t have considered pursuing this, but it is a question my wife has posed and I felt it was legitimate. We should know as much as we can about the health of the child’s family. If we can’t answer that, then we make a decision based on what we do know and can find out.

But if we *can * answer some of it, shouldn’t we at least try? When my parents die, I won’t be invited to the funerals. I found out by accident that my mother was in the hospital. I don’t know where, and I don’t know her condition. If she goes, the truth could die with her. That would be a tragedy, but that’s the way life is sometimes. When they go, that chapter of my life will be closed.

My apologies to the GQ crowd for getting into this so personally. This was a straightforward question. I guess I should have waited to write it until a few days had passed between my wife asking the question and my asking it out here on the message board.

38

You are correct. I was rude and I should not have indicated that I had any insights into your life. Please accept my apology.
hh

39

If the evidence that you’ve presented here is all you have supporting your theory that you are not your father’s biological child, then I think you have absolutely no cause to pursue this at all. Siblings don’t always get the exact same mix of genes (example) and the fact that your brothers look like both parents while you favour your mother is completely unremarkable and quite commonplace.

You also claim that your mother was always distant to you, but later add that she was suspected to be a self-medicating manic-depressive. The idea of being a secret love-child may be more romantic or satisfying in light of the strained relationship with your father, but aren’t the chances greater that she was simply the victim of her mental issues and possible drug problem?

Look at it like this: if your situation was reversed and your estranged brother started legal action against your elderly, ill parents to discover if your mother had been unfaithful and suggested that her partner may have been a mentally ill individual entrusted to her care, how would you feel about that? Would you understand that he had a need to know, or would you think he was stirring up trouble out of spite. The parents old, ill and by your own admission near the end of their lives. The distress that this could cause them could hasten their deaths. Wouldn’t it be kinder to wait until they have passed on and then set about repairing your relationship with your brothers in the hope that one of them will provide you the sample you require?

One final observation: Your concern about your father’s medical history seems to outweigh your concern about your mother’s medical history. You’ve implied that she was mentally ill, yet that doesn’t seem to factor into your decision to have children as strongly as the idea that your father may have had similar problems. Why? The inconsistancy makes it hard to see this as anything more than an attempt to punish a family you feel has rejected you. With your mother being ill, possibly terminally ill, it seems they will likely be more emotionally vunerable than usual and any attempt to pursue this now will be percieved as an attack.

40

Hi Kurahee,

I have been following this discussion with a great deal of interest, mainly as I don’t know my “family history”. I was adopted, and my biological father is unknown. Have I wondered about him at times? Most certainly, but only in the idle musings type of way, I have never cared enough to actually try and do anything about it. I did meet my biological mother when I was around 22 - got a slight family medical history then, at least enough to know that no major risk factors run in HER side of the family.

As to the question you are seeking an answer to, while I’m not a doctor, the sort of biological diseases that are carried by the father are extraordinarily rare. These did not figure in my decision to become a father (of a very precosious 19 month old who is my “monkey princess”), however I do believe that the significant ones can be tested for quite easily with a sample from YOU.

As to things like heart disease, mental illness etc, are you trying to say that, if for example, you found schizophrenia ran in the family you wouldn’t have children? I don’t mean to sound antagnositc or anything but this strikes me as being somewhat absurd, children cannot, and should not be “geneticl perfections” (ala Gattica). Just get on with the job of having them and take the good with the bad.

When my wife was pregnant one of the hardest decisions we had to make in the first tri-mester was whether or not to test for downs syndrome. Not for the risk factors but because we simply didn’t want to be faced with the sort of decision that a positive test would force upon us. When you have children you “takes what you gets” - be it good or bad.

I suspect that the decision to want your father tested is more for your own “emotional needs” than any health requirements. Given this perhaps you would be better coming to peace with yourself than pursuing any form of tests or such.

At the end of the day, whether you feel your father is a good father figure or not, whether he is worthy of your support or not, whether you want to honour him or not is a moot point, he is the only father you now have, and are ever likely to know. If you never want to speak to him, that is a decision only you can make.

I know that in my case, whether I were to find my biological father or not, I only ever know, and will ever acknowledge one “dad”. Admittedly this could be because I have a good relationship with him, but “biology” should never come into it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to examine your reasons for wanting “the test” very very carefully, personally I can’t accept that they are medical in nature, and if they are emotional in nature I think a much better course is to come to peace with yourself than to cause this sort of “shit storm” and negative emotion by trying to force a test.

Even if a test can be done without anybody knowing (and this should be quite easy) I think that for you, the results are going to be a “let down”, and not really settle any issues for you emotionally, regardless of the outcome.

Having said all this, I wish you well, and do feel a great deal of empathy for you family situation, I couldn’t imagine being treated like that by my family and the hole it would leave in my life.