Lessons I have learned from language

I have learned that if you are ever redhanded, you will get caught.

While I do not know this directly, I infer that 18 stitches can be saved by two - if they’re in time.

This is more of a MPSIMS thread. I’ll move it there for you.

I have learned that the sum and total of the entire universe and, peculiarly, any given part thereof, is exactly nine yards long.

Also, men were not created by God, nor are they they born of the female womb. They are made by various items of apparel out of snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails.

Agents of the legal system have unusually lengthy arms.

One who, in taking a shower, finds an unusual amount of pleasure is the act, is either becoming Zestfully clean, or having an organic experience. Apparently, these are not the same individuals who are ensuring that they reach all 2,000 of their parts.

There is at least one fire station named Maxwell.

Having a leg aputated renders one categorically incapable of backing up one’s arguments.

Constipation is the most telling evidence of a lie.

Ingratiation requires interaction with a superior’s buttocks, but only when done voluntarily. Being asked to interact with someone’s buttocks signifies that the opposite result is desired.

I have learned that if you are going to be in abject anything, it will be poverty.

I have learned that if you are going to wreak anything, it will be havoc.