A ceiling fan can hit a street hockey ball through a plate glass window, even with the fan on low.
Given enough time, a four year old can flush an entire sweater down the toilet.
Dr. Watson
“Whadda ya mean yer allergic to latex?”
Sevy: Great list!
Most people do the best they can.
A lot of problems you just can’t fix, but if you wait long enough they’ll solve themselves.
95% of what you’re worrying about right now won’t matter a damn in 5 years.
Any meeting can be made bearable by industriously recording cliches–and you’ll look busy, too.
Surest cure for most ills: help someone else, i.e. move the body and get your mind off yourself.
When in doubt, shut up. When not in doubt, shut up anyway.
Never apologize for your tastes.
Always try something new from a menu. Don’t expect to love everything new.
Err on the side of generosity and tolerance. You might need them back someday.
Cut yourself some slack already.
Veb
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You’re probably nothing special, but that’s all right, because nobody cares.
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When in doubt, stop talking.
Catrandom
Don’t worry so much about what people will think of you…it won’t matter anyway, you’re bound to please some and make others gripe, no matter what you do.
Make your own fashion statement.
Don’t tell others to ‘watch their step’, it is more likely to make you fall.
If you have a choice between cleaning and having fun…go have fun, the dust will always wait for you. The fun may not.
“Consider it a challenge…”
Money can’t buy happiness, so don’t trade your happiness for money.
“pluto … a seriously demented but oddly addictive presence here.” – TVeblen
Just so you know, Sevy’s list comes from “Dave Barry Turns 50”.
If you want to feel young, associate with the young.
If you want to feel old, try to keep up with them.
.
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(Author unknown.)
when addressing superiors, you guys is not a proper term. “whatever” is also not a good response to them.
She’s always right.
Even if she’s wrong, you don’t tell her that.
Even if you’re SURE, don’t say anything.
No, really.
Never talk to people when you’re drunk.
Don’t try to outstubborn a cat.
Store beer in a cold, dark place (or a dark, stomachy place, in a pinch).
People won’t learn anything until it bites them on the ass.
Always make sure you have a ride home.
Leave a way out.
Beauty is its own purpose.
So are kittens.
It may not mean anything, but what the hell, Lachaim!
I sold my soul to Satan for a dollar. I got it in the mail.
We are all going to become our parents…especially if we have kids!!
My mom is always right…when will I be always right??
The older I get, the smarter my parents get.
You’re welcome, special!
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
This is simply untrue. We all know the most powerful source in the universe is Improbability.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)