Never stir-fry naked.
<P ALIGN=“CENTER”>Tris</P>
If I have not seen as far as other have, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
–** Anonymous **
Never lend money/do business with family members
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
Never have a hemorrhoidectomy without fisrt having an enema.
Ugh… never read this thread right after lunch!
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
Beer and cornflakes really dont mix
We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another
…however, beer and Cap’n Crunch rocks!!
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
Warren ZevonSorry Coldfire…didn’t mean to spoil your meal!
You get what you pay for.
You only get out what you put into something.
Enright3
No worries Lemon2000, I was planning on replacing that keyboard anyway. Now that I’ve actually barfed it shut, there’s good reason to do so 
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
You can still party, you just need more time to recover.
Bucky
Oh, well. We can always make more killbots.
Never try to walk across a marble floor in six inch spiked heels
Shadowfox
“We are what we pretend to be.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
Always wear clean underwear.
What? You learned that as a child? Oh, nevermind…
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You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she is pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.
3.The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe we are above average drivers.
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There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal out of your birthday. That time is age 11.
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There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that one word would be “meetings.”
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The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
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If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all ot its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hair style.
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You should not confuse your career with your life.
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who percieves a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
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Your friends love you anyway.
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Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never believe any promises made to you when you accept a job offer unless you have every single damn one in writing and signed.
Bitter? Yeah, well, I’m learning this lesson RIGHT NOW.
I never touched him, ref, honest!
Never take a bath in a barbeque.
in the larger scheme of things, none of it matters.
life isn’t fair, but even that doesn’t matter.
we’re all stronger than we think.
the quickest way to a man’s heart is thru the ribcage. (thanx, chris)
when your fiancee stomps away from you and slams the door, it does not mean that you’re free to go out with your friends to have a drink.
never get a bikini wax the day of a hot date.
If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle.
-Spanish Proverb
Meaningless sex is, in the end, meaningless.
Effort spent upon the pursuit of meaningless sex is more annoying than the meaningless sex is enjoyable.
There’s a lot of truth in the idea that when you finally give up on finding true love, true love turns around and finds you.
JMCJ
Just confirming that my ass is, in fact, the wisest part of my body.
When in England, never eat anything with the word “pudding” in it’s name.(esp if it also has a color associated with it) It ain’t what you think.