Of course, you realize that these rules are no longer unwritten 
Unless it’s a matter of avoiding some kind of discomfort (like the crowd of rowdy kids/adults in the back of the bus, or staying close to the front because of some physical necessity), do not sit right next to someone on a bus/subway car that has plenty of empty seats… a little space is nice.
No matter how chatty your boss seems to be, she probably doesn’t have much interest in your personal life.
Not universally true, but: if someone tells you they don’t want anything for a given holiday, anniversary, whatever, they are probably lying and will be very hurt if you don’t at least send a card.
Don’t bother anyone right when they get to work. Give them 15 minutes to get settled.
Unwritten rules…Hmmmmm…
(bear in mind these are all barring extenuating circumstances)
[ul]
[li] When having sex, no matter how well you know the person, never ever even attempt to “play the back nine” without permission.[/li]
[li] Never tell your SO you want to screw her sister. Or his brother.[/li]
[li] Don’t make out in public. Get a room.[/li]
[li] If you’re going to go down on someone you should finish the job. If you’re not going to swallow, you might as well leave the room.[/li]
[li] If you borrow something, give it back. Don’t make the person come get it from you.[/li]
[li] If you borrow money, pay it back. Ditto above.[/li]
[li] If you ask people to help you move, make sure and provide beer and pizza when the work is done.[/li]
[li] Don’t fuck with your SO’s computer unless you know what the hell you’re doing.[/li]
[li] When you walk into a place, and someone is right behind you, hold the door for them.[/li]
[li] If you’re watching TV with someone, and you get a phone call, leave the room. Don’t expect them to turn it down and sit there bored while you gab away.[/li]
[li] If you’re watching a video you really want to see with someone, and you get a phone call, don’t ask for it to be paused. Decide which one is more important (You just want to chat? I’ll call you back… or Stop the movie! My mom is crying and needs to tell me something!) and go with it.[/li]
[li] If you move in with your SO and his roommate because you’re broke, and you say you’ll cover the phone and electric bill because that’s all you can afford, then do it. Don’t wait three months, move out, and have them get disconnect notices on the door and the power and phone shut off.[/li]
[li] If you’re out drinking with a group of friends and want to buy a round, that means everyone, even the guy you don’t really like.[/li]
[li] If you ask, you pay.[/li]
[li] Don’t use tongue on the first kiss.[/li]
[li] Cross with the light. You’re not special and that fire engine can and might turn you into road pizza.[/li]
[li] Unless you’re camping, only build a fire in the fireplace. Trust me on this one.[/li]
[li] Keep at least two Calvin and Hobbes books in the bathroom at your place.[/li]
[li] Every man should have at least one nice suit.[/li]
[li] Only rub Buddha’s belly for good luck if he’s sitting down.[/li]
[li] Turn your damn music down at a stoplight.[/li]
[li] When you call tech support, do what they say. Shut up, listen, and follow instructions. Have a pen and paper handy.[/li]
[li] Don’t call someone and put them on hold.[/li]
[li] Don’t call someone and ask “Who is this?” in reply to “Hello?”.[/li]
[li] Don’t steal your neighbor’s paper.[/li]
[li] Don’t drive slow in the fast lane.[/li]
[li] When you’re driving, drive. Don’t eat or talk on the phone, unless you think you could drive better with that cheeseburger up your ass.[/li]
[li] Don’t hit on married people.[/li]
[li] Don’t type a/s/l in a chat room. Unless you’re twelve.[/li]
[li] Don’t yell at your mom.[/li]
[li] Never, ever, hit your girlfriend.[/li]
[li] Don’t be a troll.[/li]
[/ul]
That’s all I can think of right now. I am sure there are many more, but I am at work and partially brain dead.
I hope we can complete this list, since evidently there are a lot of people out there who don’t know these rules, possibly due to them being unwritten. Wouldn’t it be a rub if the Straight Dope had been fighting ignorance since 1973 and all they had to do all along to stamp it out was put all the unwritten rules in writing? Wow, kinda makes your head swim…
Say “Bless you” when people sneeze. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, it’s just polite.
Never tell someone that they don’t have a sense of humor.
Don’t step on the back of people’s shoes when walking behind them. That’s annoying.
Don’t drink straight out of the bottle unless you’re positive that no one will want any of the drink within.
When someone says, "Tell me the truth now . . . ". Don’t.
Never stare at someone when they’re blowing their nose. Look away politely.
Never fart in an elevator.
The scheduled start time for a surgery is, in fact, the one moment at which the surgery cannot possibly begin. (Props to Douglas Adams.)
If the attending asks a question and the resident doesn’t know the answer, you don’t either.
Never ask the resident, “Can I go home?” The proper wording is, “Is there anything else I can do?” 99% of residents understand that these two questions are one and the same. Yes, they will occasionally have something else for you to do. Life sucks that way.
Dr. J
To quote Hagbard Celine: “Never whistle while you’re pissing.”
On that last one, I just gotta know…
Why not?
Never assume. It makes an ass out of you. Just you. Not me. I never assume.
Never force a fart.
A thing asked for is half paid for.
Howdy all…thought I’d take a break from my staff and class duties and post a bit.
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Never guess who is dating who on the floor. These relationships go critical in a matter of hours.
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Do NOT piss off your RA or PA (peer advisor); s/he can be a wonderful person if you separate his/her duties from the person him/herself. It’s just our job, people!
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Always read books all the way through - you never know when the author will throw you a secret engagement that you will completely miss when you try to fake the paper. (passing on an old story from my discussion leader here…)
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Take classes outside the requirements. Graduating early is over-rated.
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Tea: it’s cheaper, comes in more natural flavors, and it still has caffeine!
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Stay in touch with friends and family. You lose all sense of time, and sometimes forget to appreciate those who matter most.
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And…bust those solicitors’ butts ASAP! Unless they’re handing out Papa John’s coupons. In that case, grab the bag of coupons and have your roommate call the cops.
You never whistle while you’re pissing because you’re supposed to dedicate your whole mind to the task at hand, so to speak.
At least I think so. It has been a rather long time since I read that particular acid-trip of a story…
At first I thought these were somehow related, which amused me. I’m thinking “It’s on it’s way, so it’s half paid for…”
Anyway. If you’re backed up at a stoplight, don’t block driveways/entrances if you know there’s a good chance someone’s gonna want to turn in there. And if you’re the turner, don’t forget that wave.
DynoSaur: You got it.
Do not insult your anesthesiologist before the surgery.
Never stand directly under the dorm room windows.
and, yesterday’s lesson <sigh> 
–
when sending a blistering Reply All to one of those forwarded email messages about the dangerous Wobbler/California/Good Times virus that’s gonna erase your hard drive if you read it, DO make sure that it was not forwarded to your group by the CFO of your company’s corporate parent organization
Never, ever, laugh when a man takes off his underwear. Especially the first time he does it.
When something seems too good to be true, that’s because it is.
Watch out for sentences that start “I don’t mean to be rude” … brace yourself, because they will be; see also “I’m not being funny” and “Don’t take this the wrong way”.
The more expensive or coveted the item, the greater the likelyhood of it being broken accidentally during your visit.
When there’s no spare seats on the train, you get to sit next to the person that wants to talk all the way.
When on a long-haul flight, the restless baby and its fraught mother is sitting right behind you. The toddler who kicks the backs of seats is behind your friend/partner.
The free holiday you won when talking to the Timeshare rep is not, in fact, free (“Just send a cheque to cover our administration costs…”).
You always get a spot on your nose, chin or forehead on the eve of your “big night out”.
Never tell anyone about the dream you had last night - no one finds them as interesting as you. Except, perhaps, your Analyst.
Never bring either a coffee, a newspaper, work, or a good book into the washroom at work.
Someone will catch you.