My friends, I present my plea for help to Brasil Presidente Bolsonaro, which I have fine-tuned for maximum impact, in particular I machoed it up a bit as that is how these Latinxes seem to like it.
I want to say I admire you greatly, having seen many images of your supporters in the streets lately holding up their signs of praise: “FORA BOLSONERO!”. I do not speak the Language of Portugal, but those pictures are worth a thousand words - they love you! “Fora” today, “fora” tomorrow, and keep going!
(Incidentally, in today’s world there need not be a language barrier, so please do not hesitate to reply in the language of your People, or any language you are comfortable with. It is better that way - I have the means to cross that river, even if it is the Mighty Amazon, to be sure not a place I’d like to be with its hellish flesh-devouring pirañas!)
My purpose today is to inform you of a project of which I am the prime instigator, which is very important if the world (known as Terra or “Rocky Primary 3” as understood by Astronomical Science) is to continue an uninterrupted existence. I don’t want to startle anyone by saying this - perhaps you are thinking this fellow sounds like a Gangster from the movies - “Oh you have a nice planet, it would be a pity if anything happened to it!” That is not my intent at all, but at the same time, if you are not shocked, you should be.
If I were to discuss the origins of our Solar System (let’s leave our Galaxy out of it for the nonce) you would nod your head in agreement that it has indeed been around for a long time - that’s called History. But history can teach us much, and the most important lesson is not to repeat mistakes from the past if you can help it.
The question we have to answer is, do we need to accept Earth as it is? In the past, the answer was “Si”; it need be that way no longer. Technology has leapt forward at alarming rates, problems that were thought to be hopeless boondoggles are now ours to solve with a flick of the wrist. I was around in the Sixties, what a mess but by the end of the decade, Man was on the Moon!
I will not conceal the fact that this project will take time and be very expensive. But here is the good news: it won’t cost you anything! You only need to agree to allow our team to come into your country and take as much time as we need to do our work, unimpeded. Maybe you could provide us with a few large buildings as a base, with an airstrip (there might be heavy equipment involved) plus living quarters in Rio, near the beach if possible. And we will need to borrow your Equator.
I cannot really say more than this right now - I hope I have successfully pinked your interest. More details will be forthcoming if you give us the nod; our survival is at stake, now is not the time of weakness and inertia, now is the time for Action, a man of which I am told you are one of.
Awaiting your imminent quick response,
J. Vincent Hatch (Pete)
PS Don’t let the East-Coast elites in Sao Paulo talk you out of this!
Next stop, Google Translate, then into the mail tomorrow. Can someone find out the cost of Airmail postage on a standard business envelope, from Roslindale MA to Brazil and let me know? Thanks.