I can’t believe I am actually contributing to the glut of Sarah Palin threads, but oh well.
It seems that Sarah Palin switched colleges six times before graduating from the University of Idaho in 1987. What on earth was she doing?
Well, obviously I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure she was a super spy, like Jennifer Garner in Alias. By day, she was an average college student at Hawaii Pacific or North Idaho College or wherever, but by night she jetted around the world, kicking ass while wearing improbable wigs and sparkly catsuits.
But a secret like that is hard to keep, and every time someone came close to her secret, poor Sarah would have to transfer to another college and start all over again.
I heard she kept asking the colleges to explain to her what exactly a student does every day. Then she would claim that she had been in “Who’s Who Among American High School Students” and therefore should be able to be the Assistant Dean of the grad school.
I actually have it on pretty good authority, based on a leaked press release from the McCain campaign, that Sarah Palin was conducting secret investigative work on pork-barrel spending in Congress and the Senate. She got the urge to do this while working on her journalism degree, and her six-year internship was covered up by each institution she attended because otherwise the congresscritters she was (frankly) spying on would have wisened up to it. She’d settle down in one state and investigate the wasteful spending of that state and the three or four around it. Except when she had to bite the bullet and attend to earmarks in faraway places, that is.
So she posed as a mooseburger-eating beauty queen too flighty for any one school or state, when the truth is that she was basically the Deep Throat of the Keating Five. This made her the mavericky sidekick just right for John McCain’s needs.
I heard from an unimpeachable source that she was actually the liaison for an underground religious movement at each of the schools. This was prior to the internet, so it was up to her to go between the various groups and spread the current word. Or maybe she was a drug mule. I get it mixed up.
She had trouble staying focused, because she was so upset by John McCain’s years of torture as a POW for five and a half years. Every time she remembered how that good man had suffered for her sake, she had to drop out of school, leave town, and start over somewhere fresh. Only her religious faith finally got her through the repeated trauma.
Vampire hunter/slayer—the colleges were, eventually, little more than a front in her pursuit of certain bloodsucking covens as they roamed the country; a crusade that came to consume her life.
Eventually, the quest prevailed, but at a permanent cost to Palin’s inner peace.
I mean, think about it…what would you do if you were burned out and battle-scarred from battling the spawn of darkness? Try and settle down, maybe start a family—try to reclaim some measure of happiness and human comfort from life.
But damned if you’re not changed by the experience. You can’t just go back to the suburbs and white picket fences…you’ve long been soured on any prospect of safety in the mundane world. The wilderness calls out to you; at the edge of a continent, where ghouls freeze to ice, and perpetual daylight is readily accessable for half the year. And those…“bad” days, the “tripwire” days, you can safely get away, vent your demons without putting the people you’ve worked so hard to protect. Go on the hunt again…just you and your weapon, stalking prey through the darkness and ice. A place you’ve never completely left…or ever really will.
There. So Sarah Palin’s actually like a cross between Frodo and Blade. And after everything that’s been said about her.
She was a big fan of the movie What’s Up, Doc?, and was trying to emulate the heroine, Judy Maxwell, played by Barbara Streisand. Judy Maxwell was a know-it-all on all sorts of subjects (she’d fit in well on this Board) who attended a veritable plethora* of coleges, without ever graduating.
Not a mere ordinary plethora, but a veritable plethora.
I like these answers better - but my degree is from the fourth college I attended.
The first college I went to was the college I attended while still in high school. I had no intention of doing anything there other than filling a few credits.
I then went to the University of Iowa for six months - but missed my friends (yes, one of them was male, seventeen, and had the prettiest brown eyes and kissed really well), so came back home.
Where I went to the University of Minnesota for three years and didn’t graduate due to getting a full time job while I was supposed to be writing my senior thesis. I made the wrong choice in priorities.
Years later I went back and picked up an Accounting degree from my FOURTH college, switching my major from Art History and choosing to switch colleges to one that would be less demandingwith two kids and a full time job than the UofM would be - and would offer more night classes.
No spying, no vampires, nothing exciting except my own screwed up priorities placing boyfriends and stupid jobs ahead of finishing my education in the way I had planned.
I noted a familiar pattern when it came to her enrollment at U. of I. She was there for a semester, then returned to Mat-Su community college, then went back to U. of I. What this probably means is that she was so busy boozing and shagging football players that she flunked out and had to return home to get her grades up in order to return to Idaho.
She: “Chemistry major.”
Of course, it’s all in the delivery… Streisand and O’Neil deliver these three lines as almost a single sentence, spoken by two different people.
It took me three colleges (1st: Univ dropout. 2nd: Comm College recovery 3rd: finally got B.S. degree), and I thought I was a flaky student. But six? Crikey!
I wonder what her parents thought. “You want another dorm deposit? Sure–What about the last 5 schools? Oh, you’re serious this time…politics, you say…that’s even more of a joke than that fine arts program we sent you to 3 colleges ago…oh, don’t pout, here’s a check, that’s our little bumpkins.”
