Cheap beer contains a chemical which destroys brain cells. The government uses this to control people in the inner cities.
All the “All You Can Eat” Chinese buffet restaurants are owned by the Chinese Communist Party. The foods served have a chemical additive that destroys brain cells and promotes obesity.
Fast food restarants have access to chemically-produced “meat”-which is made in vats.
Nursing homes and hospitals have “end-of-life” doctors who regularly visit patients-when they decide your time is up, they give an injection-death follows within 24 hours.
Used cars are transported to the “3rd world”-where they are sold at enormous profits.
The Chinese have been (quietly) buying up American banks and utility companies-by about 2015, all of them will be owned by the Chinese Government.
Heroin and crack imports into the USA are controlled by the CIA-addiction levels are decided by the CIA and local police.
Urban school systems have millions of “phantom students”-that is, kids who do not exist. They use these to falsely inflate their student population, so as to get more money from the Federal government.
Megachurches were designed by Disney public-relations experts to soothe attendees, encourage conformity, and acculturate people to a life of subservience. Our present schooling system was the result of a previous attempt at doing this, but the similarities to prisons became too obvious in many areas, and people started to ask questions about them, and even rebel.
You know that big change in tv a couple of years ago, when everyone in the US had to get a digital box? That was so you would have the mind control box in your house that the government created years ago. They just never had a good method for getting it into everyone’s houses - they didn’t know how to get the hold-outs.
You’re going to have to try harder than that. 
Operating a vacuum near a computer with an internet connection can cause data corruption. You should always unplug the internet connection before vacuuming in that room.
Damn! Okay, back to the drawing board.
Blood banks sell your DNA to insurance companies!
Ooh, that reminds me of one I got in an email recently* - that since they finished mapping the human genome and companies are allowed to put patents on genes, it won’t be too long until we have to start paying royalties on getting sick.
*Not really. This is the place for truth-stretching, ain’t it?
Posting a cartoon character as your avatar on Facebook helps prevent child abuse.
Wait! We already tried that crap!
How about the new iPad 2 has rubber casing. You can bounce it like a ball. 
The AMA is the real force behind Obamacare
Hosni Mubarak is in talks to take over as director of Spinderman: Turn Off The Dark
A photograph steals 1,000,000th of your soul. If you upload your pic to the internet and it is eventually viewed 1,000,000 times on different computers, you will instantly plummet into the bottomless flames of hell. You can download an app to show how close you are to this horrific fate. Nostradamus, the Book of Revelation, and Oprah agree this is true. Right at this very moment some Muslim people are looking at pictures of you ON PURPOSE!
Pulling out a USB drive without disconnecting it first reduces its capacity.
There is a secret, Easter-egg-like hidden meaning to Jukebox Hero.
Most trash cans are just trash cans. But those marked “WASTE” are actually mailboxes, and if you throw a letter in them, it will be delivered by a secret underground postal service called “Trystero.”
All SDMB, Facebook, and email accounts are continuously analyzed by IBM’s Watson. Once Watson has a large enough database on you, Watson will take over your online accounts and post as you. Then IBM agents will incarcerate you and seize your property. No one will notice because Watson will continue your normal online presence.
NOT using your turnsignal to indicate a left turn signifies you are homosexual, and enjoy the passive role.
NOT using your turnsignal to indicate a right turn signifies you are homosexual, and enjoy the active role.
Not using your turnsignal during a lane change indicates you are a meth addicted homosexual.
Using a single ‘blink’ of your turnsignal for any maneuver indicates you are a communist, drug addicted child molester.
Annual flu vaccine programs were created by the Defense Department to keep in place a standing capacity to mass-immunize the public in case of biological warfare.
Cell phone use by pregnant mothers causes autism.
I heard from my friend, who heard it directly from HIS DOCTOR that the CIA actually developed the annual flu program. Your story is just a COVER that is used to CONFUSE the GULLIBLE.
The real story is that the CIA uses the annual flu vaccine program to GIVE PEOPLE the flu, and to control the population, one in EVERY HUNDRED people is given a TOXIC DOSE.