Let's Update Commercials I Hate

As someone who worked in an ice cream parlor in college, I keep hoping for a version of that commercial where the mother and children look on in helpless horror as the employee beats the husband to death with an ice cream scoop.

Another I really, really hate is this abomination for Multi-Grain Cheerios that they show on TLC all the time. Firstly because it just looks bizarre, like it was all Photoshopped or done in green screen or something.

Secondly because it doesn’t end with Steve dousing his heinous bitch of a wife with holy water and watching the harridan dissolve into a puddle of goo.

*Edit: And had I looked at the YouTube info for that commercial, I would have learned that the ad is a dubbed and Photoshopped version of a British commercial. Wtf?

I swear I remember seeing this with the original British accents about a year ago, then it mercifully disappeared, only to reappear with this weird dubbing. The dubbing and photoshopping seems really inexpertly done too - is General Mills that hard up that they can’t afford decent dubbing?

Also, that guy needs a divorce STAT. His wife is the touchiest bitch in the world.

I’m continually impressed by how stupid Taco Bell commercials are. Even with their demographics, if you’re stoned enough to find those commercials funny, you’re too stoned to find the front door.

Those “Drinkability” ones are up there, too.

“It’s drinkability!”
“What’s drinkability?”
“[something that makes even less sense than the word ‘drinkability’]!”

Yes, I feel the same way. I want to hand the guy a broom.

In a different category I hate the antiperspirant commercials on now. One shows a stuntman on a bike doing the “double pits” maneuver. If that wasn’t retarded enough the lady “interviewing” him rubs the microphone under his armpit and then smells it. It could not get any more phallic the way she cuddles the microphone.

The other one is the guy who has water pouring from his armpits like a fire hydrant. That’s just gross.

This can now be seen on TV, and I mentioned this in a similar Pit thread.

This is as bad as a “Depends Adult Diapers” commercial with an incontinent person urinating all over the people around him.

Actually I think that would work as an SNL skit if Will Ferrell was still on the show.

I agree – I was telling Pepper Mill a couple of days ago that these commercials freak me out. It’s not the Bordered in Black reference – it’s how those people dressed in plant costumes (and bee costumes, and what have you) make everything of the wrong dimensions and aspect ratios. And the way they move and squirm around – it makes me think of some sort of animal mimic, the king you see on National Geographic specials, which ties back into that “wrong dimensions” meme – THAT’s why the dimension are wrong! It’s a Plant-Imitating Spder Catcher or something. As soon as the spider comes into the scene, the innocent-looking plant rapidly turns on it, sticks out its fangs, and snaps it up.

Only it’s an entire planet made up of meat-eating plant mimics! The first time those bee-things land, or come within reach of those pseudo=plants, they’re lunch!
It gives me the creeps just thinking about it!

There’s a beer commercial that has been running constantly on WGN lately that has two goofy mobsters offering “protection” to some doofus. The doofus doesn’t understand what the mobsters mean. And the mobsters respond to every misunderstood threat with “Ooooooh!”. The fact I can’t even tell you what the product is tells you what a stupid commercial it is.

I had forgotten that one. Yes, and make it Sam Kinison throwing the holy water on her.

A certain class of anti-depressants has been widely used for their analgesic properties for ailments including fibromyalgia and chronic migraine. They can work, but there are a number of side effects, mainly the fact that as anti-depressants, they interfere with brain chemistry.

That one just came on right now.


My brother would like to add the smarmy guy who says, “I love three things: my voice, recordings of my voice, and Optimum Voice”. Talk about self-centered.

I suppose I’m the only person in the country who can’t stand Flo. I just want to poke her with something pointy and painful.

I also hate Steve’s wife - he deserves better.

In fact, I hate all commercials that make men out to be idiot twits and women to be tolerant saints. Like the guy on the ladder whose bitch wife uses the vacuum cleaner to rescue him… And others so horrid I’ve managed to temporarily block them out.

There’s a commercial for some auto insurance company with a lady talking about their cool phone apps.

“So let’s say you run into a tree. We have an app that lets you [blah de blah de blah], and *this *app lets you exchange information with the other driver . . .”

The driver of the . . . tree?

You’ll find that you’re not the only one who wants to poker her with something. :smiley:

You and us (Flo lovers) have something in common after all.

The problem is, I want to hate Flo. I really do! But somehow, I can’t. She’s just too damned. . .likeable. I dunno.

But dittos on the commercials that make all men out to be morons, and the women the “rescuers” of said men. If the roles in these commercials were all reversed, NOW would totally be up in arms!

“Poke her with the Soft Pillows!”

I thought it was a pretty good commercial with the accents. I don’t generally expect to hear foreign accents on a commercial so when it pops up it makes turn and pay attention, presumably that’s what they want. I would love to know what went on in the meeting where they decided to dub it.

Fuck Shell gasoline! You cannot turn ::Giving someone a Peace Sign:: into shilling for your fucking “V-Power” gas, whatever that is.

Next time steal the Catholics ::Making the Sign of the Cross:: for your T-Power gas! or
Steal the Marine Corps Salute for…forget it; they probably would fucking kill you. (or at least stop letting their guys get killed protecting your sources in the Middle East.)

I just figured this one out this weekend. I’d seen it a bunch of times and thought it was CG or something, but then I saw a face. The music sounds unnatural too; kinda reminds me of the music in that scene from Akira when the toys attack him in his hospital room.

I’ll add the commercial for “Whale Wars.” I hate the fact that Animal Planet gives legitimacy to that histrionic crank and his crew of incompetent hippies. Greenpeace is hardly a puppet of the fishing industry, so I think the fact that they booted him out of the organization speaks volumes about his credibility. More to the point, the whole “Whaling… ends TODAY!” line in the commercial is made all the more ludicrous by the fact that 1.)they suck and 2.)all they manage to do is harass a handful of Japanese “research” vessels.