Thanks, Firefly, for ruining my SD experience
Even Phaedrus had the decency to forward me an e-mail through TubaDiva when he had something personal to say to me. But you elected not to take the decent route. Instead, you projected your own psychosis onto me, saying that I put you “in the position between letting your ideological did stand unchallenged, or disrupting a thread that has nothing to do with your remark in order to contest it.”
Not only did you imagine some sort of dig on my part, but you blamed me for your own petty struggle with your conscience that ensued.
So, you dragged me over to the Pit and opened a thread with my name in it for the purpose of taking shots at me. But it wasn’t enough for you to take shots by yourself, otherwise you would have forwarded an e-mail. Nope, you wanted the reassurance of what you were doing by making your grievance public so that you could be joined by others to make a public record of Lib’s flogging.
You were so unsure of yourself that you needed the confirmation of others. Gaudere understood, as she expressed in one of the threads in GD, that I see the world — see the world, Firefly — through my libertarian glasses. But you didn’t, so you started a thread in the Pit. Poly understood my remark about trespassing from the citation you made in the OP. But you didn’t, so you just had to haul off and make a mountain out of a molehill, hoping that you could summon an army to back you up.
Then, just when I thought your moral masturbation might be finishing out, David B put up an ominous post, saying that he had something so dreadful to say to me that he would rather say it privately.
I was struck immediately with a galvanizing anxiety that has hung over me like a bad flu ever since he posted it. Disarmed, I told him to go ahead and e-mail me. I couldn’t imagine what it might be. Is there some skeleton in my closet that I cannot remember? Will he inform me of some awful fact? Has he decided that I am not worth the trouble he went through for me in the “Up the Butt” thread? What?
Is there any greater anxiety than being told by someone you admire, “I need to talk to you later.”? Hardly. You wait, and you wonder, and you go over thing after thing that it might be. Could it be this? Could it be that? So, after considering it a bit, I went ahead and e-mailed him from Edlyn’s home computer, and asked him to respond that afternoon.
But he didn’t. So, after a sleepless night I come into my office at about 5:30 AM to retrieve the dreaded e-mail.
Nothing.
So, I’m still waiting. Still anxious. Still tied up in knots, not knowing what horrible news or fate might await me. I can’t post anything anywhere on GD because I’ve lost the heart for it. I’m just waiting. If he sends it here after I leave, then I won’t have access to it until next week. If he sends it to Edlyn’s, then I won’t have access to it until this afternoon.
Anyway, I suppose there is some balance in the whole thing. My anxiety is no doubt offset by your vindication. My dubious position by your glorified one. My sadness by your joy.
I can forgive you for this. After all, even the Crusaders and the Inquisitors thought they were doing God’s work. I suppose I just need to spend some time in prayer, which is something I rarely do, except that presently, I am in daily prayer for something I am doing for Glitch. Maybe this is all a part of that, for all I know.
So bang bang you shot me. Now I’m falling. You got what you wanted. Is it over now, or will you want to kick my corpse?
