I have no kids myself, but fathers pay me to write their dad jokes.
I pay Quondam_Mechanic premium rates for my jokes.
I write the songs that make the whole world sing.
-“BB”-
Solme people call me the space cowboy.
Some call ME the “Gangster of Love”!
Steve Miller, himself, calls me “Maurice.”
Yeah, but I’m the one who knows how to spell “pompatus.”
Maybe so, but I wrote the Book of Love.
-“BB”-
Next to posting on the Dope, my greatest claim to fame is probably when I translated the Bible into pig Latin.
I gave Cardigan the idea to title his translation The Ulgate-Vay.
I own 75 cardigans, each of them a different color.
I own 76 kenobis, all in various shades of dun.
All of my 77 pigs wear cardigans and can speak Latin.
John Houseman was my great-grandfather. On my mother’s side.
John Houseman came to me one day asking if I had any suggestions for lines he might use for an upcoming Smith Barney commercial. I suggested he say “they make money the old fashioned way: they steal it.” Houseman, however, didn’t think it quite hit the mark he was aiming for and decided to go with “they earn it” instead. Between you and me, I think he should have listened to my suggestion. His career went nowhere afterwards, you know.
As the top seafood biologist, I have determined that scallops are afraid of goats.
Just to annoy my friend Hatchie, I always serve scallops and goat cheese for hors d’oevres when he visits.
I live at 12302496721 Myopia St., the biggest house number in the world.
I live in a broom closet on the north side of the Mall of America and ride my Harley through the concourse in the middle of the night when no one else is there.
I just bought a small castle in Romania. Planning to move there mid-April after the renovations.