Lie about yourself

I’ve started a Back To Byzantium movement.

I was the first to chemically isolate the element byzantium.

I am the walrus.
And the okapi.

But, are you made from the chemical element Byzantium?
I am.

I wrote “Aloha Oe”.

Mr. Microphone and I were best friends in college. We had a falling-out when he accused me of stealing his bag of weed.

You know about Thomas’ Fork-Split English Muffins? I’m the guy at the bakery who splits them.

I have a fork.

[not in play] – Do you happen to know the muffin man what lives in Drury Lane?

The muffin man what lives in Drury Lane is my uncle. When he visits
he always brings a few boxes of my favorite cheese muffins. Lovely.

I shot J.R.

-“BB”-

I shot the sheriff. And the deputy.

I’ve been shot six times. Four of the bullets are still lodged in my thyroid.

There’s a large sculpture of my thyroid in front of the Gary, Indiana, city hall.

I am a nice person.

My name is Gary Indiana, and I believe every person in the SDMB is exceedingly nice.

I am a graduate of the Gary Conservatory of Music, class of '05.

‘05 was a good year for Saurian Brandy.

Funny you should mention “It Was A Very Good Year”, because I sang that, but Frank Sinatra took the credit.

Frank Sinatra sent me a fruit basket every year for my birthday. To this day I have no clue why; we didn’t know each other.

You’ve heard of flat feet? I have flat palms.