I hold the trademark for the term “Happy Meal;” McDonald’s pays me for the rights to use the trademark with a lifetime supply of Chicken McNuggets.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I once repaired a carburetor with a paperclip and two Band-Aids. Put ~200 miles on it before the actual replacement part arrived at Autozone.
I was the guy who overnighted that replacement carburetor to Autozone because the jerryrigged carburetor only used one gallon for that 200 miles, and my bosses at the oil company were getting nervous…
My ears glow in the dark.
I’ve had a successful earlobe transplant.
-“BB”-
I sold my earlobes to Bill Clinton for $42,000.
I’m a vegetarian, but I would eat Bugs Bunny.
I’m a bunny who eats vegetables, but I’d eat a bug.
I’m a bug, and I eat bunnies.
I have posted in this thread every day this year.
I have trained my cat to hold her tail absolutely straight and parallel to the floor.
I’m the favorite in the luge event this year.
I installed hidden cameras in the refrigerators of all Straight Dope posters.
I built a luge run in my back yard using ice cubes from my refrigerator.
I was born in a crossfire hurricane.