Lie about yourself

I have to buy a new wombat. My pygmy hippopotamus stepped on the old one.

I own a Taco Bell franchise on Uranus.

My hovercraft is full of eels.

My new latest start-up pest-control business specialises in marine craft. Basically, I remove eels from hovercraft.

I just looked up your Yelp reviews, and no offense, but if I were you, I wouldn’t be bragging about my business here.

I have never ridden an elephant during a hail storm.

OK, but have you not done it twice? I have.

None of the posts in this thread would ever have been an accurate statement if it were mine.

I’m 66 years old and I’m still a virgin; ask my wife.

I shall make Dick Tracey PAY for thwarting my Evil Plans!

That is just what I said about a hundred posts back!

I live a lie, or do you really think that anyone would believe me if I told them I am an alien stranded on this planet due to the mechanical failure of my space craft?! Ah … now you see my dilemma.

As a result of losing a bet, I had to paint my genitals green and sing ‘Amazing Grace’ in Central Park every day for a month.

I am ‘en-er-y the eighth, I am.

I was Henry VII.IXVII

Every third weekday night, I creep over to Prof.P’s house and sleep under the porch. It’s very comfortable. Usually there are treats.

I try to keep a secret stash of treats under Prof. P’s porch. Somehow, they keep disappearing.

I was Enery the Not-Ate.
I was on a diet.

I am the morning DJ at WOLD.

I’m seeing double today.