We’ve all had them, right? Those “Simpsons moments” where you laugh and say, “Hey, this reminds me of that episode where…”? I’m not the only one, am I?
An example from the Mundane and Pointless Dog Stuff thread: I’m taking a dog training class where the trainers hand out choke chains or pinch collars (kind of like a choke chain but with not-sharp prongs on the inside to get your dogs attention when merely cutting off his air supply won’t do it) to students having trouble controlling their dogs. I’ve always abhorred the use of either device until they put one on my dog and suddenly he was a whole new animal. Whoa. Still, I can’t help recall the episode of the Simpsons where Bart took Santa’s Little Helper to the dog class and used a choke chain on him for the first time. The scene went roughly like this: the dog wouldn’t sit so the trainer commanded Bart to correct the dog. Bart yanked on the chain and Santa’s Little Helper collapsed at his feet, gasping for air and his eyes bulging. Bart asked innocently, “Ma’am, is my dog dead?” The teacher merely smiles, “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been asked that.”
OK, I’ve not seen any dogs keel over in class, but that scene still plays through my head on a continuous loop everytime I think of class.
If your life is also full of Simpsons moments, please share!
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy
The episode of the Simpsons where Homer buys Lisa a pony, and has to moonlight at the QwikyMart to pay for it. Then he drives home on no sleep and nods off at the wheel, dreaming about angels making him a nice soft bed of fluffy clouds. When he gets home, a piece of highway rail is embedded in his radiator. I’ve had to drive when I was that tired!
Right now, I am wearing a T-shirt that says, “C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN”.
My mother gave it two me about three months before the Comic Book Store Owner wore it in the episode where Mensa takes over Springfield.
I couldn’t decide whether I was flattered or insulted. My girlfriend (who was watching the episode with me and had seen me with said shirt on) considered it the most hysterical thing she had seen in a month.
Thankfully, unlike Comic Book Store Owner Guy, my shirt actually covers my stomach.
JMCJ
Curmudgeon Of The Day Winner, 1/19/00
As Selected by RTFirefly
Oh, man…my husband used to drive the junkiest car (yes, I’ve already sent him an e-mail link to the “what’s broken on your car” thread.) I’d stand around while he worked on it going “Is it supposed to be smoking like that?” and “mmmm, I don’t think it’s really such a good idea to do your own brake job…” and he’d tell me to shaddup and do something constructive like push the clutch in and out or crank the steering wheel back and forth while he stuck his head underneath and muttered “now THAT doesn’t look right.”
ANYWAY, cut to the episode where Homer’s car is booted in NYC and he decided to build his own. LOL, he’s in the garage sitting in a “car” fashioned out of the usual crap you’d find in a garage. Marge goes “Hmmm, I don’t think it’s a good idea to build a car out of an old mattress and tin cans…doesn’t seem safe.” and Homer replies “Marge, you can either criticize my car’s safety or you can get started knitting some seat belts.” ROFLMAO! My husband will NEVER live that down!
"Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such medical films as “Alice Doesn’t Live Anymore” and “Mommy, What’s Wrong with That Man’s Face?”
I’ve found myself quoting the Simpsons often. Sometimes at work I’ll start remembering a great line and will start smiling uncontrolably.
You may remember such lines as:
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
“Daddy says I’m this close to living out in the yard.”
“Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie. What is your fascination with daddy’s Forbidden Closet of Mystery?”
“Why are we cleaning up our own kitty litter? Did we lose a war?”
“Spray the boy.”
“Says it’s ilegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.”
“But don’t ya be readin’ my mind between four and five. That’s Willy’s time.”
“Me retirement grease!”
“I’ve never seen a more obvious attempt to curry my favor.” “Brilliant observation, sir.”
“Homer, when you bought that dummy I asked you if it was to fake your own death and you said, `no.’”
“You were done a favor by our, uh, how shall we say it… mafia crime syndicate?”
“I don’t know why my bones would be brittle. I drink plenty of… MALK?”
“They’ve got chairs with wheels? And I’ve been using my legs like a sucker.”
“Your friend doesn’t know about the food chain…”
“You have plenty to live for, Moe.” “Really? That’s not what Reverend Lovejoy’s been telling me.”
“I’m gonna staple a flag to your ass and mail you to Iran.”
“I’m gonna shove starving dogs up your butt.”
“Hi, Doctor Nick!”
About a year before comic book guy came out, a comic book store opened in my neighborhood. Behind the counter? A pathetically sarcastic portly man with a pony tail and a goatee.
“Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies…”
“Very well. I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.”
I was in the middle of explaining why I thought the OJ verdict was a product of jury foolishness… when I hear Troy McClure’s voice from the televsion: “Of course, for that solution to work, you would have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence… and would be just plain nutty.”
Also from that episode… not a real-life parallel, just a great bizarro line. Homer to Mr. Burns after being ordered off the property: “Or what? You’ll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark the bees sting you??”
“Every time you go to use the toilet, all the paper is gone!”
-Hehehe… funny becuz its true.
“And black guys drive like this… Yeah, cool baby… but white guys are like this, ehhhhh ehhhh…”
-Hehehehe … white guys are SO lame.
And the infamous Mmmmmm’s.
Mmmmmmmmm donuts.
Mmmmmm beeeer.
Mmmmmmmm steak.
Mmmmmm forbidden gummy Venus de Milo.
and so forth.
But my all time favorite… Sideshow Bob versus his brother (voice by David H Pierce)… lisa or bart ambush the brother from behind, jumping onto his back and covering his eyes. He says “Merris?”
Life <- art/Simpsons?
I have a propensity for writing things in the heat of a moment and catching hell for it afterwards. Bad place to mention this, a message board and all. See the one where Homer expounds on Mr Burns … “Dr Mr Burns; Thank you very much for the wonderful card; In case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic…”
Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal’s rights, but that still doesn’t excuse what I did. I’m sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer: That’s okay, honey. I used to believe in things too
Homer Simpson: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don’t show up tomorrow don’t bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
Homer: Trying is the first step to failure.
Marge: Homer, why don’t you just go the the adult learning center and get your degree.
Homer: But Marge, everytime I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain.
Marge: Don’t be ridiculous
Homer: Remember that time I took that wine making class, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: Homer, You were Drunk!
“See all those things inside that robot, Homer? That’s why your robot didn’t work.”
“Flaaaaaaaanders! Flaaaaaaaanders! Ha! The games that way!” (then he throws a beer can at Flanders’ head)
“Homer, did you have to take all my flowers?” “Well, ya need flowers to make a float.” “Well did ya have to salt the ground so nothing would ever grow again?” “Uhhhh huh-huh, yeah.”
“Well, I got him as good as he got me!” (he hit a parked car in his driveway)
Homer: D’oh!
Chief Wiggum: That’s what they all say. They all say D’oh.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Okay, people, read the OP. This isn’t a “Funny Lines from the Simpsons” thread, it’s a “What Happened to You in Real Life That was Like the Simpsons” thread.
So to get things back on track: Last night I got my head stuck between two newel posts on the staircase, and the dog came up and bit my tuchus.
My dad assigned me to mow the lawn, and I ran over a sprinker that was too high. “Ka Ching!” My dad came roaring out of the house and bawled me out for not being careful. I don’t remember if I missed the boat show because of it, though.
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
My dad assigned me to mow the lawn, and I ran over a sprinker that was too high. “Ka Ching!” My dad came roaring out of the house and bawled me out for not being careful. I don’t remember if I missed the boat show because of it, though.
I also invited over friends who trashed my house. (Well, just one guy did. But he drank my dad’s Seagram’s VO and kicked a hole in his bathroom.)
Big, big trouble indeed…
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
<small>Dang! I thought I hit stop quick enough. Please excuse the double semi-post.
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
