I dated - jeez, I dunno, dozens of women. Forty, fifty? Went to a liberal university in the 1990s and everything. Do you know how many of those women gave a tin shit what Andrea Dworkin thought? Zero. Not a single one. Not once did I feel all this “prejudice” and “hatred” towards men, nor did I ever hear of such a thing directed towards any guy I knew.
Another thing I’ve learned from dating: The editorial pages of “Penthouse” are not necessarily reflective of truth. Women aren’t really into Andrea Dworkin. They aren’t the enemy.
Muffin, this is very informative and you clearly know your stuff, but it’s a rather gigantic hijack into a downer subject of what had shaped up to be one of the best MPSIMS threads in quite some time. No offense.
Limited tools, sure, but still making do as best she knows how.
People do the best they can based on their experience and whatever training they received. I knew a fella like that – his interactions with his partners were almost exclusively a matter of figuring out the algorithm to produce Optimal Response. Nice guy, and admittedly treated everyone he dated well, but didn’t really hang on to anyone for very long.
For the record, I went to college in the 90s and had never heard of Andrea Dworkin before this thread. So her influence obviously didn’t quite reach me and my friends. Several of them are single. Anyone want some introductions?
Here’s another valuable lesson I learned while dating: (to get back on topic)
Don’t overlook the little things.
One of the sweetest things my boyfriend has done (and he has done many) was to text me and ask me what model car I had. I found out later it was because he was at the auto parts store and he was getting himself new wiper blades, and decided to pick me up a pair as well.
That said volumes to me - beyond jewelry or flowers.
I’ve been on the other side - where I was in the same house as the guy I was dating and he would fix himself something to eat and never pause to ask if I wanted anything - or get himself a drink and not ask me if I wanted one. And I ignored those little clues, passing it off as no big deal.
And it wasn’t a big deal as far as action, but it was a huge “tell” as far as interaction.
A hard thing for me to learn was that although by-and-large, people were doing the best they could, there were, in fact, nutjobs out there, best avoided.
There’s probably a bit of a reporting error, too – few people seem to enjoy talking about their wonderful exes who cooked like geniuses, enjoyed sex like porn stars, drove like a rally driver, and had multiple PhD’s in astronomy, physics, mathematics, and film. Well, except Al Yankovic in “Close, but no Cigar,” but clearly he’s an outlier.
It took far too long for me to realize that even if he was doing the best he could, it wasn’t necessarily enough for a healthy relationship.
Corollary to that, no matter how hard I tried, I could not make up for his deficiences. It really does take two to make a relationship.
The other thing I’ve learned is that when it’s time to end the relationship, do it fast and hard. Stretching it out over time only prolongs the suffering and delays the healing. It becomes a Death of 10,000 Papercuts. Once it’s over, walk away and don’t look back.
I went back to university in the 90s, where I signed on with the Women and the Law Club – you know, the one where women get together to discuss how to fight for their rights. Well guess what:
Same with the 80s. I took an M.A., in which I was the first male to ever make it through Rota Lister’s fem lit course, and the only male who ever had her for a primary thesis supervisor. We got off to a rough start (she came across me photocopying from Playboy – it was an article on McLuhan, honest, but do you think she believed that?), but you know what, even she never exhibited prejudice or hatred toward men in particular or any particular man. I ended up doing a thesis on the Recognition and Rejection of Victimization in the Novels of Margaret Atwood, and despite Atwood being the nation’s leading feminist author, I never came across prejudice or hatred toward men in her works or in person.
For the last decade, my crew has been all female (6 person outrigger, and 22 person dragon boat). No prejudice or hatred toward men with them.
I realize that there are some anti-male extremists out there, and they were having a heyday in the 80s (e.g. Yale English Department), but even then, most people recognized them for what they were – extremists that might be useful in pointing out aspects of society that needed improvement, but otherwise were just bat shit crazy and best avoided or fended off with pointed sticks.
Some women do enjoy it quite a lot . . . Obviously every woman is different, and figuring out what works for any particular partner is tricky business. I hope you at least go for a polite “I really don’t enjoy hair pulling” before you start with the finger breaking.
Well, since the weekend I have joined Match.com, so lets see what is out there and how the dateing scene is. I meet men all the time online but within the first few minutes want me to either show them my feet, tits, or what have you.
Online relationships are fun but like I have been reading… You really should meet face to face within a reasonable amount of time. I have an outgoing personality and am game for new experiences but wow, I really should grow up and get married. So Mel, thank you for starting this thread and lets see how this journey pans out…lol
Do I get to blame Dr. Phil if I dont find anyone? hee hee
Are the ‘real’ feminists still allowed to complain about actual on campus sexual assaults and warn women about date rape, or is that anti-men and anti-sex?
I learned a shortcut from my appartment to the campus of the college I was attending at the time…
Seriously, though; via learning that, I learned that every relationship (romantic or otherwise) that you walk away from, you can learn -something- from it. (Very meta, I know).
I wasn’t going to state the obvious. But sometimes the trampoline can be substituted with a cannon and a Captain America costume. Just to break up the monotony, of course.
No man ever got laid by being that bitter. You describe yourself as nice, but that’s spread over a huge core of bitter. That’s a surefire recipe for continued masturbation.
Are a lot of women bitter? Absolutely. Many have been fucked over so many times that they’re just sick of it. But I’d bet that most are yearning for a guy to come along who’s unlike all the rest.
So her influence obviously didn’t quite reach me and my friends. Several of them are single. Anyone want some introductions? 
