My wife has about 15% of the libido I do. It’s a fact and she tries, and I accept it as much as I can, and take matters into my own hands to reduce the inequality. I am also completely faithful and devoted to her, the kids, and everything else about the relationship.
But there’s that damn itch. Sure, there are solutions that are varying degrees of immoral or illegal, but I’m not that kinda guy…but it sure would be cool if there was a solution…it sure would reduce some of the stress in our relationship. (or WOULD it?) I wonder how many other strained relationships would change if it were available?
So what you’re saying is that you want to enjoy some extracurricular activities, without in any way paying for them. But oh yeah, you’re “not that kinda guy.” :rolleyes:
Having the urge is one thing… acting on it is another.
Sounds to me like he’s admitting a desire for more sex, but he’s claiming to NOT be the sort of guy who actually act on that impulse. In which case, good for him.
Eh, masturbation is easier and very nearly always NSA. My husband’s job requires him to be gone every other week. My job had periods of time where I am barely home to sleep for weeks on end. We do fine making up the difference with the odd wank. Saves the trouble of condoms, pills, frequent medical check-ups, embarrasing phone calls, etc.
To be honest, I don’t think it could without it seriously messing things up. I think I’d have a hard time keeping it uncomplicated. I suspect it would end badly.
As far as “paying for them” are you suggesting the only reason anybody gets laid is by paying for it? (either as a cash transaction, date, or by putting a ring on it?) I’m not the only one making pretty fucked up comments.
Sex is a biological function. Libidos frequently don’t match. Pity there isn’t a legally or socially, or frankly, marriage safe* way to deal with that inequality.
*=assuming most conventional definitions of marriage.
There is a solution. An open marriage. I don’t care what my husband does or with who, as long as he wears a condom and is discreet. Keeps things from getting boring, for both of us. I work 1.5 times as many hours as he does so I don’t have time to pursue other things, but he’s fine with me doing so.
I mean, what other solutions are there? There’s nothing other than
stay unsatisfied in a sexual incompatible relationship
sleep with other people, be sexually satisfied, deal with relationship consequences
I just don’t understand why people don’t act more logically. Your wife knows her sex drive is lower than yours, she presumably wants you to be happy.
There’s a potential third: Investigate why her libido’s shot.
The problem is (and the internet being what it is, don’t read too much into this, on a scale from 1 to 10, it’s about a 2) You don’t miss what you don’t have, libido wise. Our relationship is VERY GOOD. With this exception. And she knows something isn’t right, but not enough to do anything about it. Whether that’s embarrassment in discussing it with a stranger or what, I dunno.
We’d discussed a threesome, and have been all over the map on that subject, but there’s also one thing about talking about something like that, and quite another finding yourself in the situation to do anything about it.
ETA: The illegal part is paying someone for a happy ending…Certainly the most direct solution, but it’s not legal round here.
Did she always have a low sex drive? You said one doesn’t miss what one doesn’t have. Maybe her libido’s not “shot”. Maybe that’s just how it is. People have wildly different sex drives. Hers might just be low. You say she knows something isn’t right - maybe that just means she knows you aren’t happy. Maybe she’s not doing anything about it because she knows it is “right”, for her.
She’s had a pretty low libido since she got on Norplant (a very long time ago), then there was the pregnancy with twins, then RAISING twins. There was a period after that where the sex was awesome, but that was because she was massively unhappy and looking for things to fill the void. Medication and counseling for bOth of us got us through that. Last year was pretty good as she was on a health kick and got into really good shape, that was the point where it seemed closest to a healthy natural.
Funny thing is: she enjoys it and we have a great time when the planets manage to align, but mostly it’s the wrong time of day, wrong time of the month. Get inthe mood, but can’t do anything about it at the moment, and when we can, the moment’s past.
Let’s just say there are DOZENS of requirements that have to occur to get it to happen. So much so that I’m afraid my bitching about it could turn her off completely. And yet, it’s a need of mine that isn’t being met, and I don’t feel as if I’m being unreasonable.
And you could also benefit from reading some Dan Savage (and passing the odd article or two along to your wife). He is basically saying the same thing: if unfaithfulness can save the otherwise healthy relationship to your wife, it can be the least of all evils.
