As long as there’s not an element of jealousy added in, the flirting and watching others flirt can be a really healthy way to improve one’s sex life with one’s own partner. Though I have a somewhat open relationship with Acid Lamp, we negotiate with each other on any potential “goes beyond flirtation” behavior well before it happens. Flirting is considered okay, and is occasionally encouraged as a bit of mutual interest enhancing behavior.
I would definitely agree with you on that one. Though we’re somewhat open, the interest in being regular swingers or fully polyamorous isn’t really there for us; we just occasionally agree to scratch an itch or two.
Dio, most people I know don’t consider mild flirting with no intention to go further than flirtation to be going outside of the bounds of monogamy. However, in your world of “women don’t need or want orgasms” and “monogamy is the only way”, maybe looking at someone else the wrong way would be construed as breaking the bonds of a monogamous relationship. We’re allowed to be different and agree to disagree, but we’re trying to figure out what may or may not work in Unintentionally Blank’s marriage. We’re not saying he has to try these things, but only that they are available and may work for him and his wife. Worst case scenario, they separate after some point so that they can find more sexually compatible partners because obviously their current scenario is not working.
So does ours. Nashiitashii and I have been together for eight years. In that time we’ve had perhaps four encounters with a third partner. That’s roughly *once every two years or so. * I daresay our commitment and bond is quite strong and fulfilling. No need to be derisive simply because we enjoy a broader sexual palate than you do. Frankly, considering how liberal you usually are I’m rather surprised at your prudishness on this issue. Not everyone takes the same vows you know. We chose to love and care for each other above all others, that does not preclude us from enjoying the physical company of another every now and then. We do not love that person in a romantic sense. They are more like a playmate, or a friend you meet up with mostly just for racquetball.
At which point I say: the marriage is stronger than this…if push comes to shove, I’ll do what’s necessary to keep the rest of my relationship sound…but…It sure would be smoother sailing if this specific need were more adequately met. I’m not going to Fuckup a 95% perfect relationship over it. (uh, so to speak)
Congratulations, you’ve just hit on the primary reason women with low sex drive tend to opt for not having sex instead of doing it just to make him happy. Lying back and thinking of England on any sort of regular basis sucks some serious ass. If they were only having sex when she actually wanted to, I suspect her percentage would be substantially higher.
Yes, but as someone who occasionally suffers the same libido imbalance (damnable changing hormones and medications) if my husband and I only had sex when I felt like it, we’d be doing the horizontal tango exactly once a month during my low times, and only then if we happen to catch it as it flies by. :rolleyes:
Then I’d have a very unhappy, most likely bald, and stressed husband.
Most of the time when he persuades me into it, I end up enjoying myself, even if I don’t climax, so I don’t think I have it as bad as Unintentionally’s wife.
Even so, there is a basic mindset that I have to have where I’m ok with being jollied into sex when I’m not really interested. I figure it’s a whole lot better than having to get up and go to work when I’m not really interested (which also happens during my low spots) - at least my husband tries to get me excited, which is more than I can say about work!
Having given this topic a WHOLE lotta thought (obviously) it also seems like her libido is higher when the overall stress level in her life is low. Problem with THAT being: with the kids, and work, and the stress of running a cabinet level elected position in her recreational society, the chances of her HAVING a period of low stress life is approaching zero.
