Lines to kill a story

Cafe Society
#1

Please contribute a line that would spell the end to the story–TV series, movie, book, etc.
Like these:

  1. Everybody Loves Raymond:
    Debra: “Raymond, I’m sick and tired of your parents barging in! The next time they do I’m going to smack them over the head with your old pool cue!”
  2. Just Shoot Me:
    Jack Gallo: “I just sold the magazine to Donald Trump!”
  3. Home Improvement:
    Jill: “Tim, the president of Binford Tools called. He says that if you botch it once more on Tool Time, he’s pulling out his sponsorship.”
  4. Dallas:
    Bobby Ewing: “J. R., here’s Papa’s will. He left everything to me and said you can go to hell!”
  5. The Simpsons:
    Dr. Hibbert: “Bart will be all right now, folks. I removed a tumor from the back of his brain and he’ll be obstreperous no more.”
#2

The West Wing
Joey Lucas: “And that’s how you guys lost the election.”

Heaven forbid! :slight_smile:

#3

Nightline

Ted Kopppel: Tonight we discuss Governor Grey’s covert plan to marry off transvestite hookers to Enron executives to destroy the company

#4

Seinfeld

Jerry: I do…
Elaine: I do…

#5

Enterprise

All Star Trek Fans, simultaneously:

Hey, this week’s show is just like last week’s, and it’s just another pale rip-off of TNG!

#6

24

Jack: I’m taking the red eye to Boston.

#7

Bob the Builder : "What do you mean by ‘fire code violations?’ "

#8

One day in Teletubbie land LaLa was watching an enormous asteroid heading straight for them…

#9

MAS*H
Radar: Good news, everybody! World peace has been declared. We can all go home!
Hawkeye: This is just great. Now I’ll never know who will win that ping-pong tournament we had scheduled for next week. And I had money on it and everything…

Miami Vice
TV Newsanchor: And in a sudden and surprise move tonight, the Mormon church announced its plans to immegiately move its operations from Utah, which has been its spiritual home for over a hundred years, to the South Florida area.

The Brady Bunch
Marsha: I want to do something and the boys don’t and there isn’t a deck of cards to be found anywhere! Now we’ll never get this resolved!

#10

Neither of these is really a story that’s killed, but as this thread seems to have mutated into “lines that would kill a TV show”…

  1. Sesame Street
    Announcer: “This show was brought to you by the letters S&M and the number 69!”

  2. Emeril Live
    Emeril: “You know what would really kick this up a notch? Arsenic!”

#11

“Hi Godot.”

#12

The Partridge Family

Mrs. Partridge: Kids, great news! We’re signed with Sony Records!

#13

ROTFL

#14

the simpsons

bart: happy 9th birthday, lisa.

#15

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss: I think Giles should leave, Buffy should sell hamburgers, Willow should stop doing magic, Dawn should pout, and Anya and Xander should talk unceasingly about getting married.

#16

“I brought your cake in, it looked like it might start raining.”

#17

The Drew Carey Show:

Drew: Mimi and Mr. Wick killed each other, I won ownership of the store in a massive lawsuit, Oswald and Lewis finally came out and ran off to Key West together, and Kate wants to have marathon sex with me all day long! I have nothing left to bitch about! Dammit!

#18

Yah, like this would ever happen:rolleyes:

:smiley:

#19

Star Wars
First Gunner There goes another one
An escape pod flies by the window, being tracked by a laser cannon as it passes…
Second Gunner : Scanners show no life forms. Probably a short-circuit. Blow it up anyway.
External: green energy bolts stab out at the escape pod
C3PO (inside the pod) : Oh, dear…

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Chekhov : Deed you say Ceeti Alpha Seestim? Boshe moi, ve must not go there, Keptin! Keptin Kirk marooned a werry dangerous megalomaniac and all of his followers there!
Capt. Terrill : Wow, thanks, Chekhov - good thing we brought you along! Navigator, set a course to steer clear of the Ceti Alpha system!

Any James Bond movie
Bond : Well, you’ve got me now.
Villain : (shoots Bond in the head. Twice.) Goodbye, Mr. Bond.

#20

Friends
Landlord: By my calculations, you owe me… [sub]$5000 a month times twelve months times eight years[/sub]… $480000 in back rent for this ridiculously large apartment.