Lines to kill a story

Please contribute a line that would spell the end to the story–TV series, movie, book, etc.
Like these:

  1. Everybody Loves Raymond:
    Debra: “Raymond, I’m sick and tired of your parents barging in! The next time they do I’m going to smack them over the head with your old pool cue!”
  2. Just Shoot Me:
    Jack Gallo: “I just sold the magazine to Donald Trump!”
  3. Home Improvement:
    Jill: “Tim, the president of Binford Tools called. He says that if you botch it once more on Tool Time, he’s pulling out his sponsorship.”
  4. Dallas:
    Bobby Ewing: “J. R., here’s Papa’s will. He left everything to me and said you can go to hell!”
  5. The Simpsons:
    Dr. Hibbert: “Bart will be all right now, folks. I removed a tumor from the back of his brain and he’ll be obstreperous no more.”

The West Wing
Joey Lucas: “And that’s how you guys lost the election.”

Heaven forbid! :slight_smile:


Ted Kopppel: Tonight we discuss Governor Grey’s covert plan to marry off transvestite hookers to Enron executives to destroy the company


Jerry: I do…
Elaine: I do…


All Star Trek Fans, simultaneously:

Hey, this week’s show is just like last week’s, and it’s just another pale rip-off of TNG!


Jack: I’m taking the red eye to Boston.

Bob the Builder : "What do you mean by ‘fire code violations?’ "

One day in Teletubbie land LaLa was watching an enormous asteroid heading straight for them…

Radar: Good news, everybody! World peace has been declared. We can all go home!
Hawkeye: This is just great. Now I’ll never know who will win that ping-pong tournament we had scheduled for next week. And I had money on it and everything…

Miami Vice
TV Newsanchor: And in a sudden and surprise move tonight, the Mormon church announced its plans to immegiately move its operations from Utah, which has been its spiritual home for over a hundred years, to the South Florida area.

The Brady Bunch
Marsha: I want to do something and the boys don’t and there isn’t a deck of cards to be found anywhere! Now we’ll never get this resolved!

Neither of these is really a story that’s killed, but as this thread seems to have mutated into “lines that would kill a TV show”…

  1. Sesame Street
    Announcer: “This show was brought to you by the letters S&M and the number 69!”

  2. Emeril Live
    Emeril: “You know what would really kick this up a notch? Arsenic!”

“Hi Godot.”

The Partridge Family

Mrs. Partridge: Kids, great news! We’re signed with Sony Records!


the simpsons

bart: happy 9th birthday, lisa.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss: I think Giles should leave, Buffy should sell hamburgers, Willow should stop doing magic, Dawn should pout, and Anya and Xander should talk unceasingly about getting married.

“I brought your cake in, it looked like it might start raining.”

The Drew Carey Show:

Drew: Mimi and Mr. Wick killed each other, I won ownership of the store in a massive lawsuit, Oswald and Lewis finally came out and ran off to Key West together, and Kate wants to have marathon sex with me all day long! I have nothing left to bitch about! Dammit!

Yah, like this would ever happen:rolleyes:


Star Wars
First Gunner There goes another one
An escape pod flies by the window, being tracked by a laser cannon as it passes…
Second Gunner : Scanners show no life forms. Probably a short-circuit. Blow it up anyway.
External: green energy bolts stab out at the escape pod
C3PO (inside the pod) : Oh, dear…

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Chekhov : Deed you say Ceeti Alpha Seestim? Boshe moi, ve must not go there, Keptin! Keptin Kirk marooned a werry dangerous megalomaniac and all of his followers there!
Capt. Terrill : Wow, thanks, Chekhov - good thing we brought you along! Navigator, set a course to steer clear of the Ceti Alpha system!

Any James Bond movie
Bond : Well, you’ve got me now.
Villain : (shoots Bond in the head. Twice.) Goodbye, Mr. Bond.

Landlord: By my calculations, you owe me… [sub]$5000 a month times twelve months times eight years[/sub]… $480000 in back rent for this ridiculously large apartment.