Lines to kill a story

Well, that’s less than half an episode’s salary for any friend.
New Yankee Workshop:

Norm: “Googles are for sissies when using a lathe, aiieeeee, I’m blind aiieee aaarrrhh!” :cool:

“Gilligan’s been holding us back. Get an axe.”

Law and Order, Medical Examiner: “Briscoe, this wasn’t a suicide, it was MURDER. Oh no, wait… it was suicide.”

Columbo, Columbo: “Just one more question, ma’am … I know you did it. You know you did it. Can we just cut to the part where you confess and I arrest you?”

Dateline, Jane Pauley: “With today’s announcement of a cure for cancer, the end of alcoholism, wife beating, and 100% explosion-free american cars, we have no choice but to conclude this evening’s program early. This is Jane Pauley saying … good night.”

60 Minutes, Mike Wallace: “Arghhh… my heart! [thump]”

Seinfeld, Jerry: “You know, this whole thing is kinda pointless. I’m moving to a commune in Vermont.”

“Psycho”- Norman: “I think I’ll stop obsessing over Mother, sell the motel, get a girlfriend, and move out to the suburbs.”

“Hamlet”
“I saw my father’s ghost. I know! I’ll go put a stop to Uncle Claudius right away, marry Ophelia, and then blessedly rule over Denmark for the next five acts.”

“E! True Hollywood Story”
Some random senator: “So we’re all in favor of making a rule prohibiting children in the acting industry?”

Gandalf: “Why certainly, Frodo. I’ll take the ring off your hands.”

I don’t care what you say, I’m not gonna eat that apple, serpent! Now go away or I’ll get Adam to wring your neck.

==========================

The chair recognizes…Senator Paine.

Sesame Street: “The health department fined us for the Grouch’s trash can.”
Blue’s Clues: “Sorry, Steve, but state law mandates that animals with rabies must be put down.”

Well, I just got the attention of all my co-workers.:stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t know who’s sicker: you for saying it or me for understanding it. :smiley:

No, the real sicko is the person who names their cake “McArthur Park.” Uh…you were referencing McArthur Park, right?

Re: The Blue’s Clues rabies thing…by rabid animal were you referring to Steve, Blue, or both of the above? :slight_smile:

ER

Dr. John Carter: Hello? Where did everybody go? Dr. Lewis? Mark? Peter? Is there anybody still here? I can’t be the only one left. Don’t leave me all alone…(sniff)

All of us old enough to got the cake in the rain reference. Richard Harris and Donna Summer. I’m hoping no one ever has that recipe again.

Zuul: Are you a god?

Ray: Yes, now will you please leave?

Zuul: Okay.

Hehe. I never thought of it that way.

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

“Whoa, that’s a little out of my comfort zone, can you get your husband in here to co-sign?”

Hunger by Knut Hamsun

“7…10…22…26…41…44…Woohoo! 41 million Kroner! I won! I won!”

Iliad by Homer

“Bah, let her go, she ain’t worth it.”

The Great Gatsby
Gatsby: You people are all boring. I’m going to buy a thong and move to Miami Beach.

Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Arthur: Ford, you alcoholic twit, I’m not going to the pub at ten in the morning. Now piss off!

South Park
Eric: Ha ha ha ha! Suckers!
Stan: Oh no! We hit the wrong Cartman!
Eric: Yeah! And now you’ll never be rid of me! Ha ha ha ha! Hella! Hella hella…
[Kyle fires again and zaps Eric to the evil dimension]
Stan: Dude! You were supposed to just stand there with an angry expression and not do anything, because Cartman, although we hate him, is a South Park icon and nothing bad can ever actually happen to him!
[Kyle points his pistol at Stan]
Kyle: You got a problem?
Stan: Er…no.

The Princess Bride
Humperdinck: No…y…you don’t understand.
Wesley: Don’t understand what?
Humperdinck: I have to kill Buttercup and frame Guilder for it. It’s the only way I can justify a new war against them. I hate Guilder more than anything else in the world, and I will have this war!
[short pause]
Wesley: Um…you are the future king, right?
Humperdinck: Yes.
Wesley: So what the hell do you care about “justification”? Just declare your war, and if anyone complains, throw them in a dungeon or something.
Humperdinck: Dear lord…I’ve been spending so much time on this convoluted kidnapping plot, I never even considered that! Thanks!

The Simpsons
C.M. Burns: Oh dear, it looks like I’ve won the super-valuable grand prize yet again. Don’t fret, fellow citizens, it’s only been 915 straight times; not even quadruple digits yet, heh heh. Now let’s see what this is…ah, a solid-gold replica of a time bomb. Hey, wait a minute, this isn’t gold, it’s gold paint. And this timer appears to be r <<BOOOOOMM>>

Superman
Superman: …Ah, screw it. [Kills Lex Luthor, Mxy-something, Bizarro, and every other villain who’s tormented him for years.]

Ranma 1/2
Ranma: What the…graduation is TOMORROW?? *

Oh My Goddess
[Keiichi, visibly fuming, is hauling tail from the smoking crater which used to be his temple home. The powdered remains of his goddess roomates can bee seen. Nearby, Peorth and Megumi are looking on with stunned expressions.]
Megumi: Um…exactly what did my brother wish for from you?

Samurai Jack
Aku: Ha ha ha ha! At last, I have defeated the power of your sword! Now you are completely helpless against me! DIE, S…
[Jack pulls out a laser cannon and blasts Aku to atoms]
Jack: As a great samurai lord once said, “Sucks to be you, don’t it?”

Mortal Kombat
Announcer: FINISH HIM!
[Johnny Cage wraps Quan Chi in a Finland flag.]
Announcer: All right, that does it…if you guys can’t even take this seriously anymore, forget it! Tournament cancelled!

Pokemon
Ash: Wow…who’da ever thunk that all I had to do was beat Jesse and James senseless and take their Pokemon, and I’d have 'em all! [short pause] Damn, what an anticlimax. Maybe I should take up dancing…

Peach Girl
Random classmate: YOU’RE ALL FREAKING LUNATICS! GET A DAMN LIFE ALREADY!

Devil Hunter Yoko
Madoka: Oh no…what happened here?
Investigator: Apparently, she killed herself with her own sword.
Madoka: Oh no, no, no…why would she do that?
Investigator: Well, I’m not entirely certain at this point, but I believe that it was a combination of having to fight devils day in and day out, and tremendous risk to her life, at the same time that she had to juggle a full high school course load…all without any compensation whatsoever, I might add…and her personal life being a complete shambles, on account of she had no steady boyfriend and her immediate family members were cold and uncaring and her friends were all either jerks or twits and she’d never had any physical affection whatsoever.
Madoka: Oh dear god, no. Who will fight the devils now? Who?
Investigator: Actually, I got in touch with some of them just the other day, and they’ve decided to back off.
Madoka: What? Why?
Investigator: I asked some of them, and the consensus was that any society that was barbaric enough to force teenage girls, at the most stressful time of their lives, into unpaid armed service against some of the deadliest creatures in the universe, and not feel even the slightest big uncomfortable doing so, was already utterly evil and didn’t need their help.

Kimagure Orange Road
Hikaru: …so anyway, it’s called the “Polyamory Society”, and I really appreciate it if you two joined with me.

  • I’m actually going to do a fanfic about this. Eventually.

M: No way am I putting that ghastly Bond chap up for 00 designation.

It is an ancient mariner,
He fails to stop anyone at all.

[Spoiler warning - apologies to any potential Agatha Christie readers]:
The dying man’s voice was not weak - it came out clear and resonant.
“Why didn’t they ask Evans?” he said. “That’s Mrs Evans the housekeeper, I mean.”

Kate S

Sounds like Buffy.

You know, maybe bad movies ARN’T the best way to take over the world. Brain Guy, just start blowing things up. . ."

Does that qualify as Aku Soku Zan? :slight_smile:
It turns out that that wasn’t really the motto of the Shinsengumi, after all. Should have known; real life is never that cool.


“Ten years. Just two words, but to live it . . . a long time.”