The Bachelor
“What? You mean none of us really like this guy???”
** That 70’s Show ** Oh God, this bad pot Leo sold us has driven me over the edge. Take that, Hyde you two-bit hippie (BANG), take that Donna you uppidity smart BITCH (BANG), take that Jackie, you stupid dumb BITCH (BANG), take that Fez you moronic foreigner (BANG), take that Kelso, you total dumbwit (BANG), take that Red and Kitty, you dumb ass parents and what did you do with my sister (BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG).
Yojimbo:
Wandering Samurai: I think I’ll go the other way.
Murder She Wrote:
Jessica Fletcher: I may look like a charming old lady who just writes murder mysteries, but how do you think I got to be so knowledgeable about the methods and motives of killers? I’ve been murdering people for 12 years and framing other people for my crimes! Bwhahahaha!
Star Trek, any series:
John DeLancie: “I am Queue. Humankind doesn’t deserve to have evolved.”
POOF
“You are now nothing more than non-evolving primordial ooze.”
Temptation Island: You know, whats the fricken point of cheating on my GF for a beautiful model if I know
(a) they are paid to do this and dont care about me at all
(b) they will avoid me for the rest of their life
© she is going to see it anyway
(d) I am ahving a damn fine all expenses paid holiday in a tropical resort anyway
My dear, I don’t give a damn.
The Brady Bunch
Greg: C’mon, Marcia. It’s not like we’re REALLY brother and sister.
** Anne Frank ** They’re in the attic.
Dragon Ball Z
Goku: I think I’ll take up knitting.
I had to post ** jjimm’s** “Hi, Godot” on All That Chat, Talking Broadway’s elist theatre forum. Not only did the Chaterati really warm up to the idea, they asked for the website, since I gave credit where credit was due. Posters included Michael Feingold, theatre critic of The Village Voice.
My two favorites from the site:
** Little Shop of Horrors ** Seymour:Is that plant for sale. Florist: NO! Seymour: Please? Florist: No. Seymour: Well, okay.
** Rocky Horror Show **
Janet: It’s cold and it’s dark and we’re in the middle of nowhere.
Brad: Did you remember your cell phone.
Janet: Oh, yeah.
The Matrix – “I’ll take the blue pill.”
A Bug’s Life – “SPLAT!”
Dude, Where’s My Car? Oh, there it is.
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
My dear Lysander, yes we must away
And flee my father’s proclamation drear
I’d just like to meet somewhere else, my love
“the woods” is just too vague, it seems to me
I don’t know either, but I think I love you.
“Flying around on broomsticks and fighting evil is okay and all, but I really want to be a chartered accountant.”
Batman: Do these tights make me look fat?
Peanuts
Charlie Brown: “Lucy, I’m sick of you yanking the football away! Go find some other patsy!”
Garfield
Jon: “I thought Mr. Buchanan’s rottweiler would get loose someday…”
Archie
Betty Cooper: “Archie, my parents won that $300 million jackpot! Now we’re richer than the Lodges and Veronica won’t have you to kick around anymore!”
(This one is longer because Archie seems to have a particular problem understanding the simplest statements Betty makes.)
Li’l Abner
Daisy Mae: “Abner, we done struck oil!”
Frasier
Daphne: Dr. Crane, Martin…I’m getting married to Prince Charles!"
Providence
You-know-who: “No, Dear, This isn’t a dream. I’m very much alive. Someone played a trick on you and my death report was falsified.”
Brad: But wait, it’s the 70’s! Cell phones won’t be invented for another 10 years!
Janet: Oh right. Let’s go to that mansion and see what’s up.
Wuthering Heights:
Lockwood: I had planned to visit my landlord, a Mr. Heathcliff, but as the weather was becoming inclemet and he being such a prat I chose to stay home.
The Sound and the Fury:
Caddy: I’m saving myself for marriage.
But nothing can top, “Hi, Godot.”
MASH…Hawkeye…“Oh My…so THAT’S why they call you B.J.”