Lines to kill a story

Cafe Society
61

[sub]Can you guess how old my kids are?[/sub]

Toy Story
“Mom! I hate stupid spacemen toys!”
“OK, dear, we’ll take him back to Toys ‘R’ Us tomorrow…”

Robin Hood (Disney Version)
“Sir Hiss, I order you to hire at least fifty competent soldiers and search the forest.”

A Bug’s Life
“Flik, you put that stupid thing down right now, right here, and get back to your work detail. Move! Move!”

Monsters, Inc.
“Hey, Randall, I think you left a kid behind.”

Oswald
“Is that a giant blue octopus or a hideous Cthuloid monster…Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!”

Blue’s Clues
“Who the hell are you kids and what the hell are you doing in my living room?! Get the hell out of here before I call the cops!”

62

Scooby-Doo
“Y’know, Scooby, the last 63 times we thought we’d seen a ghost it turned out to be some guy in a rubber mask. What say this time instead of running away we just save time and hit him over the head with a bat the first time we see him?”

Citizen Kane
“Power…”<gasp><urk>

Twin Peaks
“Diane, I’ve brought in a specialist on this case, a writer named Jessica Fletcher…”

The Love Boat
“Iceberg!”

63

Ranma 1/2:
Ranma (as girl) to Shampoo: I’ve decided to become a lesbian, want to join me in some hot steamy sex?

2001: A Space Odessy:
“The following is a clear concise explanation of what’s going on…”

Archie:
Betty: I’ve had enough of you! Me and Veronica are getting married and leaving for California!

Metamorphosis:
“This pill will keep you from turning into a cockroach.”

Any Horror Movie:
“This house is spooky, let’s get out of here.”

Citizen Kane:
“I remember now, wasn’t “Rosebud” the brand name of the sled he wanted fro Christmas.”

64

Charles Foster Kanes final words: “When all is said and done…I sure do miss…my sled the most…ack…”

65

Being John Malkovich:

“What is this little door? Hmmm…it’s locked. Oh well.”

Rurouni Kenshin:

“Well, as a wanderer, it’s time I get back to wandering…”

66

Temptation Island - Our next series will feature the cast of the Golden Girls.

67

Uh, he DID say that at one point . . . Kaoru didn’t take it very well . . .

68

Alien: Distress call? Screw it, let’s go back to sleep.

Jaws: I don’t see why law enforcement should have anything to do with wildlife management.

Braveheart: Told ye I could crush ye like a wyrm.

Whose Line Is It Anyway: Where’s my cue card?

MP and the Holy Grail: We’ve already got one!

69

The Mole
Anderson: To whichever one of you fourteen players is the Mole, I salute you.
Darwin: Thanks! Oops…

The Amazing Race
“Hey, we just got a free plane ride to Rio de Janeiro! Screw the race, let’s just lay on the beach, buy some cheap sex, and party hard for a few days.”

The Osbournes
Jack [from the school clock tower]: “I’M KING OF THE WORLD!!” pop pop pop pop pop

70

Q: “What have I got in my pocket?”
A: “A ring, perhapsssss?”

71

Shackleton[u/]: “Screw this, let’s just get a pint.”

72

No Exit: “Hey, this door works!”

73

Danny(naked, covered in blood, holding a cleaver): “I took care of the kids before they could kill America with a toxic cute overdose, now I’ll save a supermodel from marrying you, and stop you from being an even bigger whore than I am.”

And thus, Full House ends.

74

Just Shoot Me:
Hugh Hefner: “Maya, your father sold the magazine to me.” (Oops, they did that one already! :D)
NYPD Blue:
The Captain: “Sipowicz, there’s been a shakeup in the department. You’ll have to leave your current assignment and choose between teachng at the police academy and working traffic enforcement.”
It’s a Living:
Nancy: “Girls, the restaurant has been sold. The new owners fired Sonny Mann and hired a rock band. And you’re bottomless waitresses from now on.”
Emergency!:
Johnny Gage: “Listen up, everybody! I just proposed to Dixie McCall and she said yes! We’ll be getting married in six months.”
Captain Stanley: “I have bigger news than that. Station 51 is now part of the separate Carson Fire Deparetment–we’re not an L. A. County station anymore. Same with 116.”

75

Sabrina the Teenage Witch:
“They say cats taste like chicken.”

76

Small Wonder: Well, I just finished writing the script for the pilot…

77

Lord of the Rings:
Frodo: Screw it. Gandalf, give me your ten biggest fireworks. Let’s see if Sauron can find his ring in deep space!

Hyperion:
Shrike: Being an entity who can transcend space and time, as well as resembling a nine-foot tall razored golem, I think I’ll just go back in time and eliminate the pesky AIs before they become a problem.

Stranger in a Strange Land:
Micheal(to mob): You will notice that your genitals have been placed at 90 degrees to the physical universe. Perhaps you would like to reconsider attempting to lynch me?

Sword of Truth:
Richard: I’m a nigh-omnipotent wizard with a personal army and a nifty magical sword. Screw these Cold-War metaphors; Jangag’s going to get a sword enema!

Terminator:
Terminator: I’ll need a RPG and a pair of binoculars.
[Climbs tall building. Cut to 2 days later]
Terminator: You’re terminated. BOOM!!

Cecil Adams: Hmm. Don’t know that one.

78

The Powerpuff Girls
Blossom: Oh no! A crazed vigilante is killing off all the villains in Townsville! We have to stop him! C’mon!
[Bubbles and Buttercup eye each other]
Buttercup: Ah, gee, we’d love to, but we have to, you know, get caught up on all that schoolwork we missed on account of having to fight villains day after day after day…

Friends
Joey: Friendship be damned, I have got to get away from these loonies!

Urusei Yatsura
Bystander: This isn’t possible…Ataru…he…he hit her back!!
Shutaro: Oh no! He’s finally realized that he doesn’t have a chance with any of the girls here anyway and is now taking out a lifetime of frustration! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Oh My Goddess (alternate)
Keiichi: You know what? Screw Ootaki, screw Tamiya, screw the entire slave-labor auto club, screw my completely useless girlfriend, screw that overprivileged cement-for-brains Aoshima, screw my bloodsucking gremlin of a sister, and screw fifty times over those repulsive PUNKS Urd and Skuld! Screw it all! I’m packing up and transferring to a real university!

JAG
Mac: I can’t deny it anymore, Harm. I…I want to be with you…for the rest of my…
[several orderlies burst into the room and pin Mac to the floor]
AJ: Mac, as much as I admire everything you’ve done, anyone who wants to be with freaking Harm for the rest of her life qualifies as criminally insane.

Ranma 1/2 (alternate)
Tatewaki: At last, Ranma, the time has come to…to…uh, is that Ryoga’s bloody, severed head you’re carrying?

Ed, Edd, and Eddy
Random kid #1: Aaaaahh! Those Ed guys just bludgeoned the Canker sisters to death!
Random kid #2: Well, duh. You have any idea how much crap the’ve had to take from those sisters?

Sailor Moon
Usagi: Oh no! A crazed, super-powered vigilante is killing off all the villains in… [pause] Wait a minute, that’s what we’ve been doing for years. [pause] And I absolutely hated it! Ah, hell with it, I’m going for some ice cream.

The Punisher
[The Punisher is completely bound with a gunman pointing a Magnum .45 at his head.]
Punisher: Before you kill me…will you at least tell me what this is about?
Gunman: Hmm…no!
[Fires a shot right between his eyes. It…]
[…suddenly veers sharply downward and clatters harmlessly on the groune! While the gunman is shocked at what happened, the cables holding The Punisher suddenly break for no discernible reason, allowing him to beat the gunman senseless.]

Ah, who am I kidding…nothing’s ever going to finish him off. :wink:

79

Cecil Adams: Hey, you guys know what? Maybe all this shit we read on the internet ISN’T all real.

80

Cecil Adams: Hey, you guys know what? Maybe all this shit we read on the internet ISN’T all real.