I recently bought a new dishwasher and, having a friend who was willing to install it for free, I was unwilling to pay the $80 delivery/installation/haul away charge, so I needed help loading it. The store called for help, the kid who came was about 18 (really cute little Efronish twink also) and he helped me load it onto the back of my friend’s truck. I gave him a small tip and, I have no idea what possessed me, said-
“Thanks son.”
Son. Son. Son… Jesus Christ I actually said that. And the hell of it is I was in my early 20s when this kid was born, so I’m easily old enough to be his dad. At least he didn’t say “You’re welcome Pa”.
Recently an attractive, cutish drawling she-student who’s probably about 19 or 20 and who had been highly amused at one of my classes stopped me in the hallway and asked “Mr. Sampiro, I loved your class the other night! You were so funny and so interesting!”
Well, I was certainly flattered. I’ll admit to male vanity about my teaching. Then she added,
“If you don’t mind my asking, are you married?”
“Um… no I’m not.”
“Are you dating anyone?”
“Uh… no…”
“Would you like to be?”
Now, an odd thing about gay guys is we each have a little straight homunculus who didn’t quite make the team who sits upon our spleen. Even to us it feels good when an attractive young lady is interested, so I was flattered. Of course even if it was the Efron loader twink who was asking I’d have sense enough to know that I’m age inappropriate, plus the school has a “no touchy the kiddy” policy which I think is quite wise, and though I’m not closeted I didn’t see any point in going into the “I prefer pendulums to pits” spiel so I just said “You’ve made my day, but the school has a policy about socializing with students”. (It’s always important to let the young down easy, and telling her I’m gay would only make her think that perfect men are unattainable after all, especially since I’ve already set such a high bar.)
She looked confused and then laughed and said “Oh, no!” Not me!", the long but polite way of saying “Eww!” “But I’d love for you to meet my mom! She hasn’t been on a date in a while and she loves to read and I think she’d love your sense of humor!”
Not at the moment she wouldn’t dear.
And again, the hell of it is that she’s about 20 and I’m 41, there’s a really good chance that I’m age appropriate and possibly even older than her mother.
I was talking about fads with a student worker recently and mentioned the Rubik’s Cube and Cabbage Patch rages when I was in school, even adding “I know those are a bit before your time”. Said student worker responded “Oh I’m familiar with Rubik’s Cube and Cabbage Patch dolls. Believe it or not my mom still has hers!”
So have you had any of these little reminders of late?
Just today, I had no choice but to overhear a young guy at work on his cell phone, making arrangements to get beer for a party. Where I come from, I don’t think you could get a keg of beer from the beer store; at least I’d never heard of anyone having one. So I had to ask him what a “pony keg” was, never having heard the term before. I mentioned that I hadn’t had a beer in about 25 years. He said, “Wow, that’s longer than my whole life!”
Ah, buying cigarettes just last night, the clerk (30ish) was a trainee who had trouble with the ring-up process because he’d typed a fake date into the machine rather than my d.o.b. and the machine for some reason didn’t accept it (no telling what he typed in). He said he does that to save time when the person’s obviously of age. I didn’t mind that because I don’t look under 19- I didn’t look under 19 when I was 17- but when he called his manager who told him “always ask their real d.o.b. and put it in” he defended himself “Yeah, but it’s obvious he’s two times old enough to buy cigarettes!”
Yes, I am, plus a few years, but thanks for pointing it out sweetie-darling.
Well, I’m 24 and sometimes I find myself not being turned on by the freshman girls because they look too childish. I can feel my youthful virility slipping away! Noooo…
Hey, I’m 28, and I’m attracted to freshman girls as easy as pie… that is, until I try talking to them. Good grief, 19 year old girls might as well come from the dark side of Europa for all the chances I have of communicating with them in a meaningful way.
Not lately, but a few years ago I was the supervisor of a group of new cashiers, and one of them looked vaguely familiar. One of the better ones of the bunch, that I was really starting to become friends with. Her last name was somewhat common, and I live over 150 miles from where I grew up, so I chalked it up to “just one of those things”. Until her mother came in the store to shop. Turns out, I graduated from high school with both of her parents.
We’re an IT firm & we have a 20-something sales babe who likes to chat. More accurately, she can’t (not won’t) shut up. For whatever reason the customers love it, and who am I to argue with success?
Whenever she directs her stream-of-consciousness firehose towards me (late 40s, senior management, but not in sales), its always comparing me to her Dad who’s in a position similar to mine.
Thanks kid. At least she means it nicely.
Now where’d I leave my bifocals?
Actually it reminds me of a high-school kid I worked with when I was about thirty. I was married and he had a girlfriend, but we used to flirt and joke around a lot at work. At least we did until the time he introduced me to his girlfriend and he told her I was like his work-mom.
The fashions department anywhere are all for emaciated teens.
Being called " Ma’am."
Being called " Mrs. Ujest." Urrrgh.
Being walked to the dark corner of the bar-restaurant with my girlfriends by the 18 year old hostess where are seats are out of view from everyone. fuuuuuck, that one stung.
This is not so much about how I’m getting older as it is how the rest of the world is getting younger.
I thought I was beginning to be a bit of an old fart in that Pink Floyd is still one of my favorite bands. Imagine my surprise on finding out that my nieces (18 and 15) are also big fans. Although I already loved them plenty, their coolness in my estimation went up 3 points on finding that out.
I asked the 15-year-old what her favorite albums were. “Albums? What’s that?” After a bit of confusing conversation, I realized that she has always lived in a world where songs are downloaded one at a time. I had to explain that back in the golden age of good music, we bought these large plastic disks on which we could listen to many songs in a row, and often they were strung together to tell a larger story.
I bought one of the Family Guy DVD sets recently. In one episode Lois makes a reference to Whiesnake. Megan asks, “Who’s Whitesnake?” Lois’ reply was, “That’s the music kids’ parents listen to.”
Kids these days who think living in a world without cell phones and the Internet made for such a primitive existence in much the same way I pondered a world without television and no video games (we had 'em in my day, but they were quite crude by today’s standards) make me feel compelled to start looking ni the mirror for signs of my first gray hairs.
In January, I realized that it’s been almost eight years since my first year of college. Eight years. I remember it like it was yesterday. I think that that is the first time that anything over three or four years felt like a short period of time.
Watching people who I remember as babies graduate from high school.
Realizing that if Hillary Clinton wins, there will be people who voted for the first time in this election (born in 1990) who have only ever had Bushes and Clintons as presidents in their lifetime.
Studying in the library at UCF… I’m almost 30, but I look and feel ancient compared to all the college kids.
Going to the movies on a Friday or Saturday night amid all the teenagers.
The fact that it has apparently been five whole years since the space shuttle blew up took me by surprise. I was, like, classic grandma, “Lands sakes, has it been five years?”
Plus the fact that I had to Google it to remember what its name was, because the only “space shuttle explosion” that I evidently have filed in my memory banks goes to “Challenger”.
